Should I write a note to my ex?

[Leavesfromthevine]

First off I want to say it would be more of a thank you note. There was never any bad blood between us even after it ended. I just thought to let her know that I appreciated her dearly. She stuck by me when I was homeless and struggling financially and stayed until I got my life back together in that sense. I know my mental health was a significant part of why she left so I could never fault her for leaving. We never talked after she left on behalf of my wishes.

I just want to know should I tell her how much I appreciated her and valued her or should I just remain silent since she'll never know I'm no longer alive otherwise. I'm worried it'll hurt her knowing I chose to ctb.

 

[Sleeper System]

That's very thoughtful. I think you should leave her a note. Especially if it's one that is kind and appreciative and absolves her of thinking she had anything to do with it after she finds out.

 

[ikadasui]

I'd stay silent. It wont bring her any happy emotions and honestly might make her feel guilty. Just no point

 

[Leavesfromthevine]

That's very thoughtful. I think you should leave her a note. Especially if it's one that is kind and appreciative and absolves her of thinking she had anything to do with it after she finds out.

The thing is though she'll never find out otherwise. We don't have any mutuals or anything.

 

[Sleeper System]

The thing is though she'll never find out otherwise. We don't have any mutuals or anything.

I see your point. You're thinking if it's selfish to involve her in your problems as opposed to not mentioning it and letting her go about her life without knowing. Hard choice. But my advice remains the same. You don't know if she'll ever find out or not. The respectful thing to do is give her the choice. You can write on the envelope "I didn't want to leave this for you because I wanted to respect you the way you respected me so I offer you the choice of accepting this letter or destroying it. Know that this letter may seem selfish of me and I want you to know that going in. If you have moved on then I recommend you throw it away and don't feel bad." Something like that.

 

[Leavesfromthevine]

I see your point. You're thinking if it's selfish to involve her in your problems as opposed to not mentioning it and letting her go about her life without knowing. Hard choice. But my advice remains the same. You don't know if she'll ever find out or not. The respectful thing to do is give her the choice. You can write on the envelope "I didn't want to leave this for you because I wanted to respect you the way you respected me so I offer you the choice of accepting this letter or destroying it. Know that this letter may seem selfish of me and I want you to know that going in. If you have moved on then I recommend you throw it away and don't feel bad." Something like that.

Thank you, I really like this idea.

 

[Sleeper System]

Thank you, I really like this idea.

Sometimes you get so caught up in your own feelings that you forget that the other person is a human being too and the most meaningful thing you can do is let them have the free will to make a choice for themselves. If she opens it and reads it then she chose that. If she doesn't then that is also fair. The important thing is she had the control.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I'd stay silent. It wont bring her any happy emotions and honestly might make her feel guilty. Just no point

Unless she happens to never find out, which isn't very likely I would say he should. Because once she finds out, she will likely br distraught anyways. A note of appreciation made available could soften the blow and possible even provide her relief. But only based on his scenario. Any other situation would typically be a hard no.

 

[Bluebunnysky]

Don't do it

 

[Yaffle]

Tricky one. If you're 100% certain she'll never find out I'd say not to leave a letter. How certain can you be?

If she finds out and shoulders some guilt then it would have been nice for her to read such thoughtful words.

How long since you've had any contact with her?

 

[Leavesfromthevine]

Tricky one. If you're 100% certain she'll never find out I'd say not to leave a letter. How certain can you be?

If she finds out and shoulders some guilt then it would have been nice for her to read such thoughtful words.

How long since you've had any contact with her?

Of course you can never be 100% certain but it's very very likely she'll never find out. We never had any mutuals and I've been known to disappear without a trace before.

It's been over a year since we had contact last. She's respected my wishes of no contact. I doubt she would try to reach out either just because our lives weren't compatible anyway.