Help should I travel with my parents?

[ecmnesia]

not really about suicide, though it kinds of involves it.

my parents and brothers will travel this weekend to beach, though we are still in a pandemy. this trip involves a 9 hours rout with heat and traffic involved (since it will be a holiday in here). also, I will still be having online classes and three tests along the week. considering all of those factors, I have no wish to go, and normally I wouldn't. The thing is, it's my parents birthday (yes, both of them cause i am so fucking lucky), therefore i'm conflicted, i know they want me to go, but i don't want to. At the same time, I'm afraid i might suicide soon, so yes, there is that. And honestly, my relationship with my family has always been messed up, they are overwhelming controlling.

i dont know what to do, but i'm too tired to even get into a fight or pretend that i want something i do not.

sorry, i didn't know where else to talk about this.

 

[WornOutLife]

It's up to you but as its their birthday, why don't you spend some happy time with them before you possibly CTB?
I know it's hard to do something when you don't feel like but I bet you'll feel better and less guilty if you do that.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

online classes are a reason enough not to go. you could always use them as an excuse since you don't want to go, saying things like "i don't want to fail" or "i don't want to fall behind".

if they say, "why not? it's our birthday(s)! don't you love us?", and if you have enough money, you could just buy them some gifts instead.