Should I stay or should I Go?

[Daydream Believer]

Life is strange and for a year death has been a dream. An overdose of life was making me sick. Death was the only thing I had left to live for. I already have my SN. checked out all methods from jumping to hanging.

My major problem is that I have a 16 year old son and a rescue dog They have no one else in the world but me. That has been my safety net I suppose. Without them I would have caught the magic bus already.

For a year I have withdrawn from the world. I avoided people and just went out at night to feed the street dogs.

I have been depressed fighting my demons. I see no purpose in life. But I don't do myself in for the sake of my son and dog.

In some ways I am lucky because I live on a gorgeous tropical island but when you hate living even sun-kissed beaches and breathtaking sunsets mean nothing. Most of you know what I mean.

I am an author and self published a book which did very well. I have two more books almost ready but because I am down wishing for death it is difficult to motivate myself.

So, for the sake of my son and dog I am going to try to sort myself out. I will hit the gym each day, meditate in the jungle swim in the sea and create a long distance walk from north to south covering so many beaches. I must try something. Maybe this Robinson Crusoe will meet his girl Friday Hahaha.

It isn't easy to fight back when you are so down and see death as the only solution. As I said before I cannot top myself because of my son and dog. Have any of you ever thought of trying to do something to make life worth living?

 

[tiredtired]

I wish you success friend. It is tremendously hard when your brain is filled with suffering. Small baby steps in the direction of what I value helps me out.

 

[WatchmeBurn]

I hope you succeed in recovering. I hope everyone here does.

I think one has to try everything they can before even considering death, given its inherent finality and irreversibility. Try all the medications, try all the types of therapy, try all the techniques and lifestyle changes you can, etc etc. Living a happy life seems infinitely better than death if that is an option, which it is for many people. I often wonder, looking at the people on here, how many medications have they tried, how many therapists, have they tried rTMS if they have access to it? I am trying really hard to be happy myself. I have tried 14 medications, about 8 long-term therapists, and I've tried so hard (unsuccessfully) to be successful. It's just not worked.

I think you are making the right decision considering you have people who rely on you. When you bring a child into the world, your life ceases to be solely your own, and you can no longer consider yourself above all else when making decisions of life and death.

Hopefully you find happiness and never return here again.

 

[heyismeman]

If I go it will be troubleeeeee if I stay it will be doubleeeeee so you gotta let me knowwwwwww should I stay or should I go