Discussion Should I go even if I keep promising someone I wouldn't?

[Never Alive]

I keep promising someone that I wouldn't go. But this person is also one of the only reason if not the only reason I still suffer through the sleepless nights and days. All these hours of darkness and unbearable thoughts. I don't see this person that much couple of times a week at most. Each time I keep promising we would see next time. But I'm really really far gone. The thoughts are really dark and hateful. No future, nothing to do everything I do feels like a dread, botched surgery that drives me insane, and no more women. Surgery messed me up for life. Can't live with it anymore. Spending a lot of time at home but outside, if alone, the thoughts are more sinister. My physical health has diminished drastically. I have SN, domperidone and ibuprofen but won't even start planning just because of this person. But often I'm like fuck it I should go right NOW (obviously in 2 days cuz prep). I also would have to make sure it works otherwise I'm certain I will face serious consequences maybe ward or being tracked like that one guy posted. No privacy or freedom. Holy shit. Life is a nightmare for some of us

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

Honestly if it's not your kid that you're responsible for, but just a friend/relative or a health care provider - I think it's fine to go even if you promised them you won't. We don't really have a choice but lie in order to be able to go

 

[outrider567]

I keep promising someone that I wouldn't go. But this person is also one of the only reason if not the only reason I still suffer through the sleepless nights and days. All these hours of darkness and unbearable thoughts. I don't see this person that much couple of times a week at most. Each time I keep promising we would see next time. But I'm really really far gone. The thoughts are really dark and hateful. No future, nothing to do everything I do feels like a dread, botched surgery that drives me insane, and no more women. Surgery messed me up for life. Can't live with it anymore. Spending a lot of time at home but outside, if alone, the thoughts are more sinister. My physical health has diminished drastically. I have SN, domperidone and ibuprofen but won't even start planning just because of this person. But often I'm like fuck it I should go right NOW (obviously in 2 days cuz prep). I also would have to make sure it works otherwise I'm certain I will face serious consequences maybe ward or being tracked like that one guy posted. No privacy or freedom. Holy shit. Life is a nightmare for some of us

Doesn't matter what you promised or to who, only you yourself know how much you are suffering

 

[SilentSadness]

Promises mean nothing, especially in this deceptive society where you have to lie to prevent torment by others. It's your choice and no one can tell you to ctb or not. What you are going through sounds horrific and I hope you can find an end to your relentless suffering soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all only you can decide if you should continue, nobody should be obligated to continue existing just because some people decided to so selfishly procreate. To me it's cruel to want to force somebody else to suffer in this hellish world against their wishes.