Should I break up with my boyfriend before I CTB?

[lolfuturecorpse]

We've been together for 2 years. I'm the loser girlfriend, and he's the boyfriend every parent wants their daughter to marry - he's going to have "doctor" in front of his name after he graduates and is guaranteed a minimum of a six-figure salary when he graduates. I am not even going to be a doctor. Six figures isn't a guaranteed starting salary for me. It only took him 7 years to get there (INCLUDING his bachelors and masters), meanwhile it's taking me SIX years to get my bachelors and I'm still in school.

Between me and him, it's not worth it for him to CTB because he truly has a good life going for him. If I CTB, I know he'll be okay and I know he will eventually move on and find another woman.

My boyfriend knows I have mental health issues and suicidal thoughts. He wants me to get therapy. He thinks I have a lot going for me, but I don't see it. I'm ugly, dumb, I have a family that doesn't support my beliefs, I have no friends, the only person I truly have in my life that is my support system is him. He told me he thinks I have a lot going on for me. He said I'll have a good job after I graduate, I can make new friends after the pandemic, he wants to be with me forever, he doesn't want to lose me, etc. He knows about my plan for CTB after interrogating me one night when I was suicidal. He wanted to know because he said he wants to help me recover.

When he tells me those things, I feel slightly better. But there are some things about his past (before he met me) that really bother me and make me feel insecure. I can't seem to move past them, and thinking about it makes me feel ugly and dumb all over again. It triggers my mental health issues and makes me feel suicidal again.

 

[M.M]

If you are 100% you want to CTB please break up before as to not hurt him.

 

[hahabye]

I can relate to having such a wonderful person in my life and still wanting to ctb regardless...

I think it really depends on the type of relationship that you have whether breaking up will help him cope with the loss. What I mean by that is that if you are going to break up and still stay friends (with the possibility of you two ever getting back together), then it probably won't make a difference. If you break up and cut off all contact, then maybe it would help (?). But since you already told him about your suicidal ideation, wouldn't he be able to understand that you are breaking up with him just because of that?

Also, not sure if you want an opinion on that, so just ignore it if you don't, but if he says he wants to help you recover, perhaps you could take him up on his offer? I can completely understand how recovery might not seem possible, but I think if I had someone who would be willing to literally drag me through it, perhaps I'd try. Not sure what your situation is though so diregard if this seems inappropriate!

 

[Snake of Eden]

If you are 100% you want to CTB please break up before as to not hurt him.

I dont see how that will help not hurt him. I dont think it makes big difference if she breaks it up and then ctb right away. It may even be worse

 

[Lmd]

I think there's no point on doing that. If you do it to don't hurt him then you have to suffer his loss while you are waiting some time until he can get over you and move on. This requieres a lot of patience and you are just adding more pain into your life and probably constant regrets of what you did. This assuming you are gonna disappear from his life because if you stay as a friend then is totally useless.

 

[lolfuturecorpse]

I dont see how that will help not hurt him. I dont think it makes big difference if she breaks it up and then ctb right away. It may even be worse

that's true, it might be something he'll carry with him for the rest of his life if I break up with him and ctb right away. he won't get the closure and he MIGHT feel immensely heartbroken. my pain might carry over to him

I think there's no point on doing that. If you do it to don't hurt him then you have to suffer his loss while you are waiting some time until he can get over you and move on. This requieres a lot of patience and you are just adding more pain into your life and probably constant regrets of what you did. This assuming you are gonna disappear from his life because if you stay as a friend then is totally useless.

i was planning to ctb right after I break up with him, but it might be slightly a better idea to ctb while we are still together to make it less painful for him, hmm. i can leave a suicide note and write some notes specifically for him to give him some closure.

I can relate to having such a wonderful person in my life and still wanting to ctb regardless...

I think it really depends on the type of relationship that you have whether breaking up will help him cope with the loss. What I mean by that is that if you are going to break up and still stay friends (with the possibility of you two ever getting back together), then it probably won't make a difference. If you break up and cut off all contact, then maybe it would help (?). But since you already told him about your suicidal ideation, wouldn't he be able to understand that you are breaking up with him just because of that?

Also, not sure if you want an opinion on that, so just ignore it if you don't, but if he says he wants to help you recover, perhaps you could take him up on his offer? I can completely understand how recovery might not seem possible, but I think if I had someone who would be willing to literally drag me through it, perhaps I'd try. Not sure what your situation is though so diregard if this seems inappropriate!

if i do break up with him, he MIGHT know it's because of something triggering me to "sabotage my life" and/or ctb. he wants to help me recover by encouraging me to seek therapy and trying to help me see a bright future. It's my insecurities that drive me to suicidal ideation. he doesn't really know how to help me feel better about my insecurities

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I'm sort of surprised you don't have a fantasy of ya'll staying together, marrying and him being the bread winner. If my SO was inline to make good money I would feel a bit better about shit. If I was in the situation you are in I wouldn't break up with him. If you wussed out you would feel even more alone. Therapy may/may not help you. Idk...Eventually your suicidal tendencies will push him away. Take care whatever you decide to do.

 

[lolfuturecorpse]

I'm sort of surprised you don't have a fantasy of ya'll staying together, marrying and him being the bread winner. If my SO was inline to make good money I would feel a bit better about shit. If I was in the situation you are in I wouldn't break up with him. If you wussed out you would feel even more alone. Therapy may/may not help you. Idk...Eventually your suicidal tendencies will push him away. Take care whatever you decide to do.

i do have those fantasies and initially I feel better about being with someone with a secure future, but i compare myself to beautiful women who have good careers and I think he deserves them over me. my anticipated career is still secure, but it doesn't make as much money as a medical doctor or computer scientist, for instance. i also feel bad about his past because he was with other women, while I wasn't with anyone in the past. it makes me feel ugly. i feel insecure and wonder if those women were prettier than me, how often they were intimate together, etc. etc. I never did anything with a guy before him, so I guess it's natural to feel insecure if your partner has more experience than you. But this is driving me to a point where I wanna CTB. he told me that he can't change his past.

 

[hahabye]

i do have those fantasies and initially I feel better about being with someone with a secure future, but i compare myself to beautiful women who have good careers and I think he deserves them over me. my anticipated career is still secure, but it doesn't make as much money as a medical doctor or computer scientist, for instance. i also feel bad about his past because he was with other women, while I wasn't with anyone in the past. it makes me feel ugly. i feel insecure and wonder if those women were prettier than me, how often they were intimate together, etc. etc. I never did anything with a guy before him, so I guess it's natural to feel insecure if your partner has more experience than you. But this is driving me to a point where I wanna CTB. he told me that he can't change his past.

In my situation, it was the other way around. I had quite a few relationships in my past and I was my (now ex)boyfriend's first girlfriend ever.

And perhaps your boyfriend has already told you that, but there is a reason why all of those past relationships are done and he is with you right now. To be honest, I never looked back to my previous relationships, or compared my boyfriend to any of the other guys (except for thinking how much better he is than them).

The point is that you shouldn't worry about it - if your boyfriend is committed to you and loves you, it won't matter to him even if his exes were prettier, etc. And it sounds like he really does care about you a lot.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

i do have those fantasies and initially I feel better about being with someone with a secure future, but i compare myself to beautiful women who have good careers and I think he deserves them over me. my anticipated career is still secure, but it doesn't make as much money as a medical doctor or computer scientist, for instance. i also feel bad about his past because he was with other women, while I wasn't with anyone in the past. it makes me feel ugly. i feel insecure and wonder if those women were prettier than me, how often they were intimate together, etc. etc. I never did anything with a guy before him, so I guess it's natural to feel insecure if your partner has more experience than you. But this is driving me to a point where I wanna CTB. he told me that he can't change his past.

It's true he can't change his past, but it sounds like he is into you. You must be talking some...offering something. I have nothing and have nothing to talk about to my SO. Making less than a doctor is MOST of the working population. I think I would try and look at it like it should turn you on that he has been with others, but chooses you. Like I said eventually he will tire of your despair unless he is a narcissist and can't notice. There must be something good about you or else he wouldn't love you...unless like I said he is a narcissist. How do you plan to escape it all? Just curious. There must be more reasons than what you've said why you want to go. Do you hate every second? I know you said you're inline to make a ok salary...when I look on Unemployed Reddit I really can see that things are shit for many....I've read of doctors with housewives....but having kids with your mindset would be really bad...Lots of doctors partner with housewives...IDK. I envy your situation really, but I bet there's more to it. Do you enjoy anything? I don't. Poverty, dependence, poor SO and insecure life with the threat of living in my car makes me want to go.

 

[Apaturesuicience]

I can't speak for anyone else, but FWIW, if I was him I'd want you to break up first. It might not be rational but I think I would get through it much quicker that way.

 

[Lmd]

that's true, it might be something he'll carry with him for the rest of his life if I break up with him and ctb right away. he won't get the closure and he MIGHT feel immensely heartbroken. my pain might carry over to him

i was planning to ctb right after I break up with him, but it might be slightly a better idea to ctb while we are still together to make it less painful for him, hmm. i can leave a suicide note and write some notes specifically for him to give him some closure.

if i do break up with him, he MIGHT know it's because of something triggering me to "sabotage my life" and/or ctb. he wants to help me recover by encouraging me to seek therapy and trying to help me see a bright future. It's my insecurities that drive me to suicidal ideation. he doesn't really know how to help me feel better about my insecurities

I know this might sound stupid and understanding your situation and knowing that dealing with our brain can be hard... Have you consider that maybe being selfish is the less painful decision in this situation? If you are 100% sure that you are gonna CTB and nothing matters at this point why don't just try to enjoy the time you spend with the best thing you have in your life? So when you leave he can have good memories of yourself instead of bittersweet ones.

If he loves you, he will have to deal with a duel no matter which way you go and both of you can have quality time together the time you spend here instead of fights and painful conversations.

 

[Meditation guide]

If you do decide to ctb it might be best to do it when he is on a break from his education so he doesn't lose what he's put into it. What I mean is this basically, he has chosen you for a reason and appreciates you even if you can't see why, so why not just accept that? If he didn't find you worthy he wouldn't be with you.

 

[Neowise]

He thinks I have a lot going for me, but I don't see it. I'm ugly, dumb, I have a family that doesn't support my beliefs, I have no friends, the only person I truly have in my life that is my support system is him.

Did I write this paragraph? Lol. It sums me up pretty well.
I've been with my bf for only 3 months now (it's the first relationship for us both) and occasionally ask myself the same question. But I haven't gotten to a conclusion whether I should break up before or not yet. Perhaps I could spread (harmless) lies about him to make him mad at me, then ctb and after my death he would receive a personal note where I explain why I did it so he won't be less sad? I'm not sure if that's how it works though.

It's the other way around with us though, I am the one currently doing my Master's in Biology while he doesn't have a degree but an IT job. Sometimes I still feel like no one should go through a relationship with me because I am such a loser. I may be getting a degree, but my marks are average. It is this comparison you described later in your post:

but i compare myself to beautiful women who have good careers and I think he deserves them over me

"Comparison is the thief of joy". We are both guilty of it. What we (and everyone) should do is just ignore what others are doing and being proud of what we have achieved so far. You are working on your Bachelor's, which is great! Most people never get to see a university from the inside. And if your boyfriend has been with you for 2 years so far he really likes you. If he had such a big issue with your career he wouldn't be around you anymore, but he likes you for the person you are. You may feel like he deserves better, but there is no point in beating yourself up over it. In the end it is his choice if he wants to be with you, which he apparently does. All you can do (and this is gonna sound turgid) is trying to be the best person you can be.

=========

About your original question, I sadly cannot answer it. No clue whether breaking up, not breaking up or making your parter mad before you ctb is best. I think it doesn't matter much because suicide is always hard to process for the ones that love you, no matter what happened before. Breaking up or making them mad and then ctbing might load double the stress upon them so perhaps not breaking up is best?

 

[lolfuturecorpse]

In my situation, it was the other way around. I had quite a few relationships in my past and I was my (now ex)boyfriend's first girlfriend ever.

And perhaps your boyfriend has already told you that, but there is a reason why all of those past relationships are done and he is with you right now. To be honest, I never looked back to my previous relationships, or compared my boyfriend to any of the other guys (except for thinking how much better he is than them).

The point is that you shouldn't worry about it - if your boyfriend is committed to you and loves you, it won't matter to him even if his exes were prettier, etc. And it sounds like he really does care about you a lot.

yessss my boyfriend did tell me there is a reason his past relationships are done (usually having to do with compatibility), and how he's really happy with me now. yes he does care about me a lot. he told me he doesn't like hearing how I'm suicidal.

It's true he can't change his past, but it sounds like he is into you. You must be talking some...offering something. I have nothing and have nothing to talk about to my SO. Making less than a doctor is MOST of the working population. I think I would try and look at it like it should turn you on that he has been with others, but chooses you. Like I said eventually he will tire of your despair unless he is a narcissist and can't notice. There must be something good about you or else he wouldn't love you...unless like I said he is a narcissist. How do you plan to escape it all? Just curious. There must be more reasons than what you've said why you want to go. Do you hate every second? I know you said you're inline to make a ok salary...when I look on Unemployed Reddit I really can see that things are shit for many....I've read of doctors with housewives....but having kids with your mindset would be really bad...Lots of doctors partner with housewives...IDK. I envy your situation really, but I bet there's more to it. Do you enjoy anything? I don't. Poverty, dependence, poor SO and insecure life with the threat of living in my car makes me want to go.

just to clarify, my boyfriend won't be a medical doctor. he's a PhD student in a STEM field, so he will have the "Dr." in front of his name after he graduates. but in his field, he is guaranteed a minimum of 6 figures.

you're right, i should be happy that he chose me after being with others. i just feel kinda bad I'm a late bloomer when it came to dating, and I feel ugly and inadequate. i do wonder if

if a guy were to ask him why he's with me, he would jokingly say "boobs" (guy talk). but I think he's with me because of my personality.

I plan to escape it all through SN method. I was thinking of ending it via gun, but I don't have access to firearms.

yes there are more reasons why I want to go. they all have to do with mental illness (body dysmorphia, depression, low self-esteem), coming from a toxic religious conservative family (I have been living with them again due to the pandemic), going through a lot of friendship fallouts, and the fact that the older I get (I'm currently 23), the more I see people doing great things with their lives like partying, traveling, getting promotions, getting married, having kids, etc. I know this is all normal in our 20s-30s and we all have our hardships, but this just makes me feel like I'm "behind". I deleted my social media due to this.

I'm typically a really happy, bubbly person and my happiness was contagious. But I feel like I haven't been myself, especially ever since the pandemic started. my social skills declined. my mental health's getting worse and it's been affecting my relationship. I'm even more isolated from my family. my bf has been extra nice to me nowadays after he realized how serious I am with wanting to end it. he keeps telling me how it isn't fair for him if I leave. he told me "imagine you get told you'd get the perfect boyfriend. he would get you flowers every day, massage your feet whenever you want, has a 6-pack, etc whatever you want in a perfect boyfriend. but the catch is, you can only be with him for 2 years. would you take this offer?" I said "no, that would be painful if he left after 2 years". and he told me this is exactly how he felt about me leaving through suicide. he told me he doesn't like hearing how I'm suicidal.

i just wanna be the perfect girlfriend to him, even with my physical appearance.

i am unhappy a lot, but I admit I think my SO is the best part of my life since he cares about me a lot and wants me to get therapy. I feel like i'd rather ctb though. i don't see a point in me living if I'm unhappy with life and the way I look.

why would having kids with my mindset be really bad? i want to have kids in my 30s if i don't ctb (and assuming I'm happy and mentally stable), but not now because I'm not happy and I'm dealing with suicidal ideation

can you tell me about yourself? it seems like you're going through a lot. :( your role says "student" - are you in school right now for a better life?

I know this might sound stupid and understanding your situation and knowing that dealing with our brain can be hard... Have you consider that maybe being selfish is the less painful decision in this situation? If you are 100% sure that you are gonna CTB and nothing matters at this point why don't just try to enjoy the time you spend with the best thing you have in your life? So when you leave he can have good memories of yourself instead of bittersweet ones.

If he loves you, he will have to deal with a duel no matter which way you go and both of you can have quality time together the time you spend here instead of fights and painful conversations.

This is a very sweet idea, but I gotta mention that my SO and I are currently long-distance until he graduates in December. He comes back home then, so I gotta wait until December to start making good memories in person.

If you do decide to ctb it might be best to do it when he is on a break from his education so he doesn't lose what he's put into it. What I mean is this basically, he has chosen you for a reason and appreciates you even if you can't see why, so why not just accept that? If he didn't find you worthy he wouldn't be with you.

he graduates in December, I can ctb next year. Suicidal people tend to act on impulse. I just don't have access to suicidal methods right now. I am trying to have the SN method available for me so I can use it when I'm ready

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

yessss my boyfriend did tell me there is a reason his past relationships are done (usually having to do with compatibility), and how he's really happy with me now. yes he does care about me a lot. he told me he doesn't like hearing how I'm suicidal.


just to clarify, my boyfriend won't be a medical doctor. he's a PhD student in a STEM field, so he will have the "Dr." in front of his name after he graduates. but in his field, he is guaranteed a minimum of 6 figures.

you're right, i should be happy that he chose me after being with others. i just feel kinda bad I'm a late bloomer when it came to dating, and I feel ugly and inadequate. i do wonder if

if a guy were to ask him why he's with me, he would jokingly say "boobs" (guy talk). but I think he's with me because of my personality.

I plan to escape it all through SN method. I was thinking of ending it via gun, but I don't have access to firearms.

yes there are more reasons why I want to go. they all have to do with mental illness (body dysmorphia, depression, low self-esteem), coming from a toxic religious conservative family (I have been living with them again due to the pandemic), going through a lot of friendship fallouts, and the fact that the older I get (I'm currently 23), the more I see people doing great things with their lives like partying, traveling, getting promotions, getting married, having kids, etc. I know this is all normal in our 20s-30s and we all have our hardships, but this just makes me feel like I'm "behind". I deleted my social media due to this.

I'm typically a really happy, bubbly person and my happiness was contagious. But I feel like I haven't been myself, especially ever since the pandemic started. my social skills declined. my mental health's getting worse and it's been affecting my relationship. I'm even more isolated from my family. my bf has been extra nice to me nowadays after he realized how serious I am with wanting to end it. he keeps telling me how it isn't fair for him if I leave. he told me "imagine you get told you'd get the perfect boyfriend. he would get you flowers every day, massage your feet whenever you want, has a 6-pack, etc whatever you want in a perfect boyfriend. but the catch is, you can only be with him for 2 years. would you take this offer?" I said "no, that would be painful if he left after 2 years". and he told me this is exactly how he felt about me leaving through suicide. he told me he doesn't like hearing how I'm suicidal.

i just wanna be the perfect girlfriend to him, even with my physical appearance.

i am unhappy a lot, but I admit I think my SO is the best part of my life since he cares about me a lot and wants me to get therapy. I feel like i'd rather ctb though. i don't see a point in me living if I'm unhappy with life and the way I look.

why would having kids with my mindset be really bad? i want to have kids in my 30s if i don't ctb (and assuming I'm happy and mentally stable), but not now because I'm not happy and I'm dealing with suicidal ideation

can you tell me about yourself? it seems like you're going through a lot. :our role says "student" - are you in school right now for a better life?

Thanks for the response. I think so far you are able to exude a personality for him to like. That is good. I really don't think having kids is good for anyone but especially for someone suicidal. Kids are only kids for a short time and then they are considered adults. and must fend for themselves for decades upon decades. Life is mostly adulthood. I don't know if you've checked out Unemployed on Reddit but many people seemingly with marketable degrees are not getting hired: engineering, accounting, law etc etc. It's only going to get worse as the population increases. I think if you want to die now...that is a very good reason to not have children ever. You see the darkness and even if you could change it's still...just pretty hard for a lot of people...so many wishing they were not born. Babies are cute, but they grow.

Tell you about myself: I failed at teaching and an extension of that...My family thinks I am not mentally healthy. I got diagnosed a bullshit disorder I was and never have been. I live with my high school bf who saved me years later from living at my dad's for 10 months after everything went to utter shit and I had to give up all my pets, but one dog. He saved me, but he is also unemployed due to mistakes and violence...two felonies that make it so he can't get work. He is super intelligent...would have been a good dr....but nope...he also has many faults...I think he is a narcissisist.

I'm royally fucked. His mom pays the mortgage and he has complained enough about me that she wants me to work on being gone. There is nowhere for me to go.

Jezzzus in holy hell why ask about kids? I think you think you can get out of this suicidal ideation...maybe you can. I suggest meds to feel calmer. It's fucking hard to get good meds to calm down at least for me.

Just think about the struggle, the raging unemployment and inflation and think if a child will be a good thing. If you're calm ok, but there's no guarantees they will not be born with issues or when they grow up not choose a viable occupation.

You say you have a good forcast of jobs and salary. From everything I look at shit is dim. But good luck.

 

[lolfuturecorpse]

Did I write this paragraph? Lol. It sums me up pretty well.
I've been with my bf for only 3 months now (it's the first relationship for us both) and occasionally ask myself the same question. But I haven't gotten to a conclusion whether I should break up before or not yet. Perhaps I could spread (harmless) lies about him to make him mad at me, then ctb and after my death he would receive a personal note where I explain why I did it so he won't be less sad? I'm not sure if that's how it works though.

please don't spread harmless lies about him!! this isn't a great idea. once you spread a (harmless) rumor about someone, you can't take it back. it's better to ctb in a way that will have people remember you as a good person, whatever that may be. I know this isn't very helpful since I'm still trying to figure out how I wanna ctb. I'm thinking of waiting until my bf comes back home (we are long-distance) to have some great last moments with him before I CTB, or I do it when I feel ready (out of impulse).

It's the other way around with us though, I am the one currently doing my Master's in Biology while he doesn't have a degree but an IT job. Sometimes I still feel like no one should go through a relationship with me because I am such a loser. I may be getting a degree, but my marks are average. It is this comparison you described later in your post:

dude no way, Biology is freaking hard. I was initially a biology major before I switched. I was in the pre-med route so I did biology to satisfy the med school requirements. I'm in the US, and medical schools here are very hard to get into. Since I didn't like biology (I'm more of a problem solver than a memorizer), I changed into something more problem-solving and my GPA increased. I have tons of respect for biology students after my experience. I know many colleges have a rigorous and competitive biology program, and it sounds like you aren't giving yourself enough credit. You are currently doing a MASTER'S in Biology. Most students with a bachelors in biology don't get further than a bachelors, even though a masters is required for a higher paying job (in biology). GPA doesn't matter since you'll still get a masters degree in biology. does your field require any research experience and/or internship? also, let me know if I'm wrong about anything. you might live in a different country and you're in a different field, so I don't know too much. but I know GPA doesn't matter unless you're trying to get into a masters program (you're already in), law school, med school, any other professional school, or phd.

also, don't people in IT make good money? you don't need a degree to make a good living

"Comparison is the thief of joy". We are both guilty of it. What we (and everyone) should do is just ignore what others are doing and being proud of what we have achieved so far. You are working on your Bachelor's, which is great! Most people never get to see a university from the inside. And if your boyfriend has been with you for 2 years so far he really likes you. If he had such a big issue with your career he wouldn't be around you anymore, but he likes you for the person you are. You may feel like he deserves better, but there is no point in beating yourself up over it. In the end it is his choice if he wants to be with you, which he apparently does. All you can do (and this is gonna sound turgid) is trying to be the best person you can be.

my bf (who is doing his PhD) comes from a very educated family, so to him and his family a bachelor's is like completing high school education. i explained to him how in my field, work experience trumps education (I don't necessarily need masters or Ph.D.). he understands that now. yeah I need to remind myself that he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful.

About your original question, I sadly cannot answer it. No clue whether breaking up, not breaking up or making your parter mad before you ctb is best. I think it doesn't matter much because suicide is always hard to process for the ones that love you, no matter what happened before. Breaking up or making them mad and then ctbing might load double the stress upon them so perhaps not breaking up is best?

i wish I could give you a hug!

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I feel you. I wish my husband would leave me. I make him so unhappy. If he left me, it would make everything so much easier. I could go with less guilt and he could move on more easily and start a new life without me. But I don't want to be the one to leave him. He won't understand.

 

[Neowise]

(we are long-distance)

Hey, another similarity. We are long-distance as well.

please don't spread harmless lies about him!!

Yeah, it was just an idea in my mind but I don't like it either. It would just make everything worse for him.

I'm more of a problem solver than a memorizer

Solving problems, man I hate Physics and such. I can't even solve my own problems I can semi-memorize stuff but am too dumb for problem solving, so you have my respect in return. I guess everyone has their strengths.

also, don't people in IT make good money? you don't need a degree to make a good living

True, a degree doesn't guarantee you being rich. No clue what he earns, but it shouldn't be an issue. It's probably about as much as I will earn with a Master's in bio lol. I was rather mentioning it before because I am the one with a higher degree which apparently is an issue to some. I just think it shouldn't matter. Get the degree you want and don't listen to others. The main thing is that you are happy.

my bf (who is doing his PhD) comes from a very educated family, so to him and his family a bachelor's is like completing high school education.

I understand. My mother pretty much only had A+'s in university so I can never live up to her expectations with my B's and C's. But again, one shouldn't listen to others. If your boyfriend's family has an issue with your education, then that's their loss. Their lack of satisfaction because they have high standards doesn't mean you are a loser.

 

[lolfuturecorpse]

I can relate to having such a wonderful person in my life and still wanting to ctb regardless...

I think it really depends on the type of relationship that you have whether breaking up will help him cope with the loss. What I mean by that is that if you are going to break up and still stay friends (with the possibility of you two ever getting back together), then it probably won't make a difference. If you break up and cut off all contact, then maybe it would help (?). But since you already told him about your suicidal ideation, wouldn't he be able to understand that you are breaking up with him just because of that?

Also, not sure if you want an opinion on that, so just ignore it if you don't, but if he says he wants to help you recover, perhaps you could take him up on his offer? I can completely understand how recovery might not seem possible, but I think if I had someone who would be willing to literally drag me through it, perhaps I'd try. Not sure what your situation is though so diregard if this seems inappropriate!

I want to break up with my bf and ctb because I'm not pretty enough for him.