Should have known that spending the holidays with my family would just make me want to cbt more

[TripTheLight]

I was planning to cbt during fall, but for some reason thought that living with my parents during the holidays would help me heal, even though they are the reason my mental health is such a mess in the first place. I even bought sn but returned it, because I'm a fucking idiot and thought I wouldnt want to use it. Now having the sn at home ready to go would be the only thing calming me, if I knew I could take the train home and go end this misery and repay these narcissistic assholes all the pain they have caused me.