Venting SH Shame.

[bpdscared9]

Hello, folks.

I wanted to share a bit of my thoughts with you about the shame that comes with self-harming past 20 years old. I started since I was very young (around 10 years old with a ruler in the back of my class in elementary school) after I was being repetitively SA/rape by my cousin. Since then it's been an on-and-off constantly for years, mostly during my teens when I first tried to CTB around 15 years old and I was stopped by my best friend and my dog.

It's been like that for a while now with different methods as blade razors, scissors, beating myself constantly after I stopped cutting when I was 17/18. Not a while ago, approximately a year ago I relapsed into cutting again thanks to my currently partner who also constantly harm herself causing my relapse in one than more occasion during arguments or heated fights.

However I can't seem to shake this feeling of shame once I finish because although I'm not as old as other people, I feel very much ashamed of still cutting and going through things like this despite of my grown age. And even if I share this with my partner and she reassures me that it's okay to feel like this and stuff, the feeling is not entirely going away. Not to mention the redness of some new scars healing and the intense gazes of strangers when you're paying for groceries and your arms are uncovered. Does that often happens to you too?

 

[blackorchid]

this happens to me too. I recently relpsed on cutting as you, and I can't help but feeling inmature, as this coping mechnism is often portrayed as the most common and "attention-seeking-ish" of them all. that is certainly not my motivation, but how do I tell my friends and parents this is the best I can do?

I have no useful words, but just want to let you know you're not alone feeling that way. I hope the best for you

 

[bpdscared9]

this happens to me too. I recently relpsed on cutting as you, and I can't help but feeling inmature, as this coping mechnism is often portrayed as the most common and "attention-seeking-ish" of them all. that is certainly not my motivation, but how do I tell my friends and parents this is the best I can do?

I have no useful words, but just want to let you know you're not alone feeling that way. I hope the best for you

I also hope the best for you in this journey, wish you nothing but a healthy recovery.

But I really get it, I read that many people go through guilt but I never felt that way before, it's merely pure shame and somehow, paranoia too. It's very hard to discuss this with friends and family, my family often found out because I forgot to cover my arms and stuff and they don't really confront me anymore but I don't think they're also okay with me harming myself despite of my age. But I think sharing a bit of your pain with a very close friend would help a bit in healing that weight on your chest, family is more complicated, I recommend you to let them found out by 'accident' in our case.

 

[Jadeith]

All i can say - if i saw someone with battle scars like that i'd probably stare too, just like with any other person visibly hurt, near instantly calculating in my brain: "can i help this person any way?", "will it be rude to offer any form of support or even interest?". Not to shame or belittle such person but because my mirror neurons would have firing fiesta.

 

[RedFruit]

I totally get wym. I'm in my mid 20's and I still cut myself and beat myself. Sometimes I feel embarrassed knowing I'm still doing the same shit from when i was 12.

 

[blackorchid]

I also hope the best for you in this journey, wish you nothing but a healthy recovery.

But I really get it, I read that many people go through guilt but I never felt that way before, it's merely pure shame and somehow, paranoia too. It's very hard to discuss this with friends and family, my family often found out because I forgot to cover my arms and stuff and they don't really confront me anymore but I don't think they're also okay with me harming myself despite of my age. But I think sharing a bit of your pain with a very close friend would help a bit in healing that weight on your chest, family is more complicated, I recommend you to let them found out by 'accident' in our case.

I don't want anyone to worry tho, trying my best.

thank you for your words

 

[bpdscared9]

I totally get wym. I'm in my mid 20's and I still cut myself and beat myself. Sometimes I feel embarrassed knowing I'm still doing the same shit from when i was 12.

I'm so sorry you're still going through this, you must be a very strong person. I'm still dealing with the fact that mental health doesn't really have an "age" but it's still hard.

 

[RedFruit]

I'm so sorry you're still going through this, you must be a very strong person. I'm still dealing with the fact that mental health doesn't really have an "age" but it's still hard.

Unfortunately not as I'm planning to CTB this Saturday but thank you. And yes that's so true. It really is a thing that anyone at any age can deal with :(