punishedfox
New Member
- Dec 2, 2025
- 3
First post. Hi. Really just needed somewhere to just speak my mind and hopefully get something. Some clue some direction. One way or the other. But yeah, I've been filled with this dread for years now, like 5 years at least. And for the longest time I really did try to "make it work". Made life changes, tried to ignore it, idk. But like the constant dread and disgust towards myself and the world around me refuses to go away. I really hate pain but also sh has been like one of the few things that gets my mind to shut up for even a moment. I don't know if it's just my paranoia (which has been escalating like crazy recently) but I also feel like literally no one else fucking cares. Like I went all summer without talking to my friends and at best they seemed annoyed at me. But like the moment I show any negative emotion them and my family treat me like I'm insane. And those who hear me out are going through their own shit and don't have the time nor energy to bother. And I feel bad too, like they're further in it than me. I genuinely think everyone hates me and every time I try to convince myself I have a place amongst society I get brutally reminded just how little I matter. Even the things I used as motivation to keep going matter less and less every day. I'm scared of what I'll miss or what little potential I have left being wasted, but I also can't imagine myself living any more. My mind won't shut up and I'm exhausted. I just rambling and this is probably hell to read. Just wanted this out there. I'm more so interested in reading other perspectives and looking into potential methods to keep in the back of my mind in case one day I just can't find a reason anymore
