Venting Self harming is really annoying when you don't have a good razor

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I've been cutting on and off for a while now. I like the way it feels and how it clears my mind while i do it. But due to my current situation, i haven't had access to proper razors until now. Before, what i did is i bought a pack of cheap disposable razors, took one out and tore it apart until i could get one of the blades out and id use that to cut.

It worked, i was able to get some pretty decent cuts, but the blades weren't that sharp and they dulled extremely quickly. To the point where i would be pressing down super hard when cutting and it wouldn't even cut, just leave a small scratch.

inwas living in a dorm before so we werent allowed to have actual razors. But now im living in tokyo on vacation. I just bought a small 10 pack of double sided flat razor blades on amazon and they should be getting here sunday. the small, rectangular shaped razors with the hole in the middle. those kinds. the kinds used in butterfly shavers.

im hoping that with those, ill be able to get some nice, deep cuts without too much trouble. the kind that leave nice big, wide scars. not the pathetic little cat scratches i was doing before. I want every square inch of my upper arms covered in those kinds of scars.

 

[OliverGarden]

I've never had access to good cutting objects, so I started off sh at like, 11, by just biting my wrists. Then it evolved until it left (non-permanent) marks, bleeding... then I upgraded to stuff like starving myself, over-exertion during exercise, social isolation, and now it's evolved on violently hitting myself in the head x3

Have you ever tried stuff besides cutting? How do you think it compares? o:

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I've never had access to good cutting objects, so I started off sh at like, 11, by just biting my wrists. Then it evolved until it left (non-permanent) marks, bleeding... then I upgraded to stuff like starving myself, over-exertion during exercise, social isolation, and now it's evolved on violently hitting myself in the head x3

Have you ever tried stuff besides cutting? How do you think it compares? o:

aside from cutting, the only time I've technically self harmed was back in middle school when i was sent to a really ghetto behavioral school. i would scratch my forearms constantly until i would get these massive scabs covering almost my entire forearm.

I'm not really sure if that was any different to today now that i think about it. both back then and now it's really just a form of vent or pressure release for intense and hard to deal with emotions.

buti also don't want to get too out of hand. I'm not trying to cut all the way to the fat or muscle layers. Just deep enough to hit the dermis and get separation so i can get those really big scars. any deeper than that scares me to think about.

aside from cutting, the only time I've technically self harmed was back in middle school when i was sent to a really ghetto behavioral school. i would scratch my forearms constantly until i would get these massive scabs covering almost my entire forearm.

I'm not really sure if that was any different to today now that i think about it. both back then and now it's really just a form of vent or pressure release for intense and hard to deal with emotions.

buti also don't want to get too out of hand. I'm not trying to cut all the way to the fat or muscle layers. Just deep enough to hit the dermis and get separation so i can get those really big scars. any deeper than that scares me to think about.

is this i weird way to think? aside from liking the initial stinging feeling and emotional pressure release of it, i also really want scars

 

[Chemi]

im hoping that with those, ill be able to get some nice, deep cuts without too much trouble. the kind that leave nice big, wide scars. not the pathetic little cat scratches i was doing before. I want every square inch of my upper arms covered in those kinds of scars.

Yes, those cut really easily and very deep. But before you do, please read up on how to take care of your wound properly and when stitches are NECESSARY. Getting a deep cut infected is a really bad time.

I can tell you from my own experience however, that no matter how deep you go, it will never be enough. Be aware of that.
Getting actual razors is a dangerous game, and will take your addiction to new levels similar to buying needles as a heroin addict. So unless you are really sure you want to commit to this, reconsider if it is truly worth it.

 

[OliverGarden]

aside from cutting, the only time I've technically self harmed was back in middle school when i was sent to a really ghetto behavioral school. i would scratch my forearms constantly until i would get these massive scabs covering almost my entire forearm.

I'm not really sure if that was any different to today now that i think about it. both back then and now it's really just a form of vent or pressure release for intense and hard to deal with emotions.

buti also don't want to get too out of hand. I'm not trying to cut all the way to the fat or muscle layers. Just deep enough to hit the dermis and get separation so i can get those really big scars. any deeper than that scares me to think about.

is this i weird way to think? aside from liking the initial stinging feeling and emotional pressure release of it, i also really want scars

I've always been scared of actual cutting cuz it feels like it'd hurt way more, but I loooove the thought of super super extreme scars and deep cuts. I loved to watch pics and vids off Tumblr and Twitter (RIP) and just see all the fat, muscle, even nerves once... it was horrifying, in a satisfying, fucked up kinda way. I like the thought of scars when it comes to validating how I feel, but I hate the thought of them when it comes to the practical "living in a society" kinda thing. It's why I was always glad my bite marks left after a week or so >_>

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

i cancelled my order. i chickened out. I'm scared ill get too carried away and cut too much
. i feel like if i do get the razors then ill definitely go overboard with them. i know i will.