Venting Self-harm wounds and how they make life harder

[MathConspiracy]

I started it about a month ago. I haven't had the chance to check myself out yet so cutting works as an alternative. I use an non-sterile pocketknife blade which I keep hidden my bag. Using something as unclean as a knife blade is probably not a good idea but the crazy side of me wants to die of infection, although I always panic about the wounds getting infected.

I cut in my legs. And the wounds/scars are quite striking. I like to see blood so I make sure to cut deep enough - I know, not a good combo, deep cuts and a dirty blade, but no can do.

Oh god I hate this. Every time I leave my room I need to double check whether I have long pants on. I can't go swimming nor could I realistically work out with another person (though I have no interest in such a thing anymore). By no means can I let my legs show. And now, if anything gets infected, will I just go to bed and hope for the best (death)? No. I will run to my family, show them the wound, and get busted for SH. That's something I want to avoid. If anything bad happens, my plan is to secretly apply antibiotic ointment and hope it'll kill the germs. I don't SH for attention and I aim to keep it that way.

 

[ImNotReal]

I have a ton of burn scars on my shoulder and I KNOW. Super annoying haha

 

[technicallyAlive]

Christ it annoys me too. I have a ton of scars + fresh cuts on my belly that im taking less and less care of, and they're starting to hurt like hell. I used to do stretches and excersise before i relapsed into cutting, but now it hurts bad to do russian twists or jumping jacks, really any movement involving moving my torso hurts so bad!