Self-harm is the only thing that makes me special

[EternallyCold]

I have no talents and very few interests, and overall I'm just a very boring person. There's nothing interesting about me, I'm good at nothing. Cutting is the only special thing about me - that's why I can't imagine living without it. I never want to stop or get better, in fact I want to get worse. It's never enough. I don't feel valid enough. I've never gone past fascia and I'm so jealous of those who've reached muscle or bone. I hate my scars but I need more at the same time. It's ruined my life, I can't wear short sleeves or shorts anymore and not to mention the amount of money I spend weekly on plasters, saline and gauze. But if I had a choice to go back in time and stop myself, I wouldn't. I even missed prom because of my scars, I couldn't find any dress that's not sleeveless and looks good so to avoid embarrassing myself I just didn't go. Cutting feels euphoric and that high can last for days. It doesn't hurt much when I cut, but it's the healing process that hurts like hell. I can't move the limb my cut is on for days and it'll be really, really sore. I think in the end it's all worth it though.

 

[Jadeith]

I have no talents and very few interests, and overall I'm just a very boring person. There's nothing interesting about me, I'm good at nothing.

That applies to about 90% of Earth's population. We're led to believe that "everyone is special", that we absolutely have to have something that is unique to us, that only we are good at or, at least, it is limited to a very narrow group of individuals.
Thing is - this is bullshit. There are are very few individuals that are truly remarkable and a bunch of copycats that pretend to be awesome for clout. Rest of us are.... well, just us. Nothing special about us and this is not an insult, This is how things are. And here we arrive to brutal realization:

Cutting is the only special thing about me

there's nothing special about it. Shitton of people do it for one reason or another so if you cut to become special, you're doing yourself a disservice. You'll just receive a label of SH victim, like many before you and many that will resort to it later in time. Sorry to rip you of your "specialty" this way but a)SH doesn't make you special, only hurt, b) you are not obliged to be special. It's ok to be insignificant.

 

[Jisatsu]

I get what you're saying. I'm covered in scars too, the kind you can't hide no matter what. I've cut deep so many times… muscle, veins, I've even hit bone . It didn't make me feel "better" or "special." It just numbed me and left me with marks I still have to deal with every day.

I know the high you mean, and I know how bad the healing hurts after. But going deeper never actually fixes anything. It just adds more crap to your problems. Everytime I close my hand into a fist now it hurts because of the damage I did to my wrist and arm. I constantly ache where my bigger scars are and I can't walk long distances without limping because of a deep scar I have close to the bend of my knee.

Hun you're not boring. You're someone who's hurting. That's all this is... no one self harms without a reason to...