Story Seconds thoughts after posting suicide note to my children here.

[Ob La Dee]

I came very close to ctb-ing last week. I ordered the sodium nitrite and kitchen scale from Amazon. I learned that one of the psych meds I'm on acts as an antiemetic so I didn't have to worry about puking up the SN after drinking it. I was planning on going to a cheap motel and just getting it over with. I made arrangements with another SS member to observe me while I ctb'ed. I wrote a lengthy note to my five children and posted it here.

It was while reading through the thread where I posted the note to my children that I changed my mind. I signed myself into a hospital instead. While this didn't solve all the problems that still haunt me, it helped to get a breather in a safe place for a week.

I still have everything I need to ctb if I choose to and I find a strange comfort in that. I really don't know where I'm going with this message, I just thought I'd contribute to the recovery section since that is what I'm trying to do after this close call. Thanks for giving me a place to share.

 

[Callie Arcale]

Take care of yourself @imjustdone
I hope you can get a breather and the help you are looking for. All the best

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

I'm happy you're giving it another shot. Sending you all my love and support.

 

[Amumu]

Have you ordered nitrAte or nitrIte? The first one is useless. Take care and good luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how it must be comforting knowing you have a way out of this life just in case. It sounds like you have been through a lot, I wish you the best.

 

[Ob La Dee]

Have you ordered nitrAte or nitrIte? The first one is useless. Take care and good luck.

Nitrite, that was a typo. Believe me I did my research and I know exactly what I'm doing although I've changed my mind for the time being.

 

[Cronetappingout]

Good for you. Sending hugs. As a mom I feel you. My kid is my reason to live. Some people say that living for others is a bad thing to do but I disagree. I have been living for others my whole life. Living for me isnt enough. And I am ok with that. I couldn't put the people I love through the trauma of a suicide. My kid lost someone to suicide. It fucked her up and fucked me up bad knowing how I have been suicidal my whole life off and on.
Hugs to you I hope you can find a new happy space in your life. That is all we can do is rebuild again. Sometimes bad things happen and we rebuild again.

 

[Kattt]

I hope you are o...really
I always kept a complete exit method to hand but the second it was gone....i'm downing everything in the house
It does seem to act as a reassurance
I remember telling my daughter and her in teas and feeling fucking terrible

 

[brainpain2]

Congrats on making it another week and giving it another try for your kids.

 

[mossyfox]

I found it helped to look one day at a time and feel in control of my body and death. I feel like that helps stay around for kids, ironically.