mythra
New Member
- Jun 5, 2026
- 3
i've been wondering, does anyone else share this fear?
the thought of losing consciousness terrifies me. the thought that every day i have to give up all of my autonomy over myself, not being real for a few hours, a free trial of non existence. for months i used to stay up until way after the sun rose, only falling asleep when my body couldn't take it. even thinking about losing consciousness would scare me. i did everything to avoid it, mostly doomscrolling www. nowadays i've gotten slightly better. but to fall asleep i have to not think about it at all. usually counting or something. if i do, i'll stay awake for another hour or so until i calm down. the seesaw between awake and asleep, thinking about crossing that border scares me. and recently, it's been hard to even get into bed. seems too much like a coffin for me.
i think it might be ironic for someone suicidal to feel this way. but maybe it's the lack of control i have. you fall asleep, you don't jump to it, you depend on your mind to let it catch you. if only there was a light switch for your brain…..!!!
lets all become frigratebirds together~~!
the thought of losing consciousness terrifies me. the thought that every day i have to give up all of my autonomy over myself, not being real for a few hours, a free trial of non existence. for months i used to stay up until way after the sun rose, only falling asleep when my body couldn't take it. even thinking about losing consciousness would scare me. i did everything to avoid it, mostly doomscrolling www. nowadays i've gotten slightly better. but to fall asleep i have to not think about it at all. usually counting or something. if i do, i'll stay awake for another hour or so until i calm down. the seesaw between awake and asleep, thinking about crossing that border scares me. and recently, it's been hard to even get into bed. seems too much like a coffin for me.
i think it might be ironic for someone suicidal to feel this way. but maybe it's the lack of control i have. you fall asleep, you don't jump to it, you depend on your mind to let it catch you. if only there was a light switch for your brain…..!!!
lets all become frigratebirds together~~!
