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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,780
Today I had a meeting with my therapist. I think he starts to realize that my situation is hopeless. Two psychologists already gave me up. They think I gonna ctb. In the meetings I am always very desperate. I try to change my life. But my problems cannot be solved i guess. The remaining hopes I have are very tiny. I told him that I have a lot of suicidal thoughts due to my problems. He was really nice and said please don't do that. (buying a rope or poison; i know the red line which would send me to psychiatry). I thought thank you very much for your compassion but when I leave this room this won't change much. Sadly.
I feel bad that I am such an unsolvable case for him. I like him.
 
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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,163
My therapist abandoned me. She just wanted the money and when my medical insurance started to require more paperwork than ever she just told me "get a new therapist". Once again, I've been disappointed with this kind of "professional" help.

Don't worry about this. If you're therapist does that, you just need a new one who really try to help you and solve your issues. He is an unprofessional person.
 
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EmbraceOfTheVoid

EmbraceOfTheVoid

Part Time NEET - Full Time Suicidal
Mar 29, 2020
689
If you still have some hope and have a will to live then you need to find another therapist. I'm personally of the belief that these people don't have the solutions and that they generally cause more harm than they help which is why I left.
 
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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,780
I am curious what will happen next. Had some disappoinments in the last weeks. I do not think he does this very soon. It is too early but I see this coming.
I have a will to live. And I fight but they all leave me because I really struggle to work/ got fired. I've never made a suicide attempt. I find it stunning that my last two are convinced I have the guts to ctb. Poverty must be awfull. But really have a LOT of suicidal thoughts.
 
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EmbraceOfTheVoid

EmbraceOfTheVoid

Part Time NEET - Full Time Suicidal
Mar 29, 2020
689
My therapist abandoned me. She just wanted the money and when my medical insurance started to require more paperwork than ever she just told me "get a new therapist". Once again, I've been disappointed with this kind of "professional" help.

Don't worry about this. If you're therapist does that, you just need a new one who really try to help you and solve your issues. He is an unprofessional person.

My last therapist wanted me to come back in to fix some of my paperwork after I cancelled and said I wasn't coming back. It was probably because I scribbled my signature on the paperwork originally and she didn't want to be held liable if I committed suicide. I think it's pretty obvious where most of their concerns lie.

I am curious what will happen next. Had some disappoinments in the last weeks. I do not think he does this very soon. It is too early but I see this coming.
I have a will to live. And I fight but they all leave me because I really struggle to work/ got fired. I've never made a suicide attempt. I find it stunning that my last two are convinced I have the guts to ctb. Poverty must be awfull. But really have a LOT of suicidal thoughts.

Ask your therapist to help you with disability benefits and housing if it's available in your country. They shouldn't be dumping you because you can't hold a job, they should be helping accommodate your issues.
 
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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,780
I can have welfare benefits. There is housing in my country. However many people say welfare in my state is financial hell. Maybe I can work like 5-10 hours per week without a traineeship (in my current state). For them this seems like not enough.
We are looking for a traineeship for me but this does not look very good. I am in some support groups.
But...You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig

Thank you guys for your help. I really appreciate it. I am glad I have SS if he leaves.

I find it interesting if I tell other people about my suicidal thoughts (debate with prolifers, family, friends) they suggest going to a professional. But they are not wizards. The ones I met seem to dislike people who ctb. Especially if they are afraid they are doing this during the meetings. I somehow can undestand that. They treat you differently (worse) when they give you up. They try to distance them. This hurts a lot. But I got used to it.
 
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justagirl

Member
Mar 14, 2021
23
I am curious what will happen next. Had some disappoinments in the last weeks. I do not think he does this very soon. It is too early but I see this coming.
I have a will to live. And I fight but they all leave me because I really struggle to work/ got fired. I've never made a suicide attempt. I find it stunning that my last two are convinced I have the guts to ctb. Poverty must be awfull. But really have a LOT of suicidal thoughts.
Express your concerns with your therapist if you truly like him. I shared my past experiences with my current therapist, who I love, and who is willing to do what it takes to help me if I don't ctb. In the form of changing her stance of "if I can't help you, I will find someone who can" to "I will take classes and speak to others to learn how to help you" when I explained my fear of being sent elsewhere and how that caused me to shut down on my last therapist who recommended trauma specialist. Being vulnerable is scary, but if you can express your fears and concerns to him about being left, maybe he can reassure you or find you someone who can better meet your needs?
 
N

noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,780
Express your concerns with your therapist if you truly like him. I shared my past experiences with my current therapist, who I love, and who is willing to do what it takes to help me if I don't ctb. In the form of changing her stance of "if I can't help you, I will find someone who can" to "I will take classes and speak to others to learn how to help you" when I explained my fear of being sent elsewhere and how that caused me to shut down on my last therapist who recommended trauma specialist. Being vulnerable is scary, but if you can express your fears and concerns to him about being left, maybe he can reassure you or find you someone who can better meet your needs?
I will see how it develops. I might do that, thank you for your suggestion. But I am somehow scared if I am fully honest, his dissaproval will only hurt more.
 
J

justagirl

Member
Mar 14, 2021
23
I will see how it develops. I might do that, thank you for your suggestion. But I am somehow scared if I am fully honest, his dissaproval will only hurt more.
I definitely understand that... But at the same time he can't give you what you need if you don't let him know. Definitely see how it develops and if you feel comfortable bringing it up, but if he's compassionate and a good therapist, he would be willing to at least try to meet your needs himself.
 

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