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lionetta12

Just a random person
Aug 5, 2022
1,201
Hi all,

I just want to vent and let this out. It's something that's been bothering me all week and I've been feeling a lot of different emotions about the situation.

Someone that I care about told me earlier in the week that they were being kicked out of their home unless they could get 300 euros/dollars for rent by the 1st of December. I felt worried and awful about the situation. After asking if they had any way to get money for rent in time, it seemed like they didn't. They apparently tried to sell some stuff to get money for it, but weren't able to get any offers that were high enough that would help them get enough.

The next day I ended up sending them the 300 because I felt so bad and I don't want anyone to become homeless or for there to be any problems with someone's living situation. It's hard because I've been homeless before and so I know how difficult it is. But after sending the money, I started getting less replies, I did not get any thank you's and no appreciation. At the same time, the person was confiding in me about how they are upset that nobody seem to respect or appreciate them? While I was helping them.

I started feeling worried, angry and upset at the same time because I felt used, but also still concerned about if they were going to be kicked out and the treatment they were getting from others, while also being so confused and upset about how I was being ignored and then never got a thank you or acknowledgement of the support I had given them.

Yesterday, they suddenly tell me that they are not being kicked out anymore and that they seemingly don't have to pay the 300? I never got the money back and I have no idea what the money was spent on. I feel manipulated, used and tricked, but also so sad and worried about what they may have gone through, which I'm not sure if ever did happen or if it was just a lie?

It's not the money that I lost that I'm upset about, I'm just upset that I feel unappreciated, disrespected, used, manipulated, ignored and possibly lied to. I just wish that people would stop trying to use me for money, especially when they know how that makes me feel and how others use me for that. I wish I could get the same basic respect and nice treatment that they give everyone else.

This has been such an uncomfortable week due to this. I have been so stressed and cried a lot due to the situation because of my genuine worries in combination with feeling possibly taken advantage of. I'm tierd of people using me for money and only seeing money as the only thing of value. I don't understand it. It makes me more suicidal because what is the point if this is how the rest of my life will continue to be like? Just people asking for money and talking to me about money all the time. It's painful to deal with because I have a lot of money related trauma due to my PTSD and since my family always had little or no money and due to them using me for money when I was a kid and them trying to use me for that now as an adult too.
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
9,957
It does sound strange. Did they say anything about returning the money? You are obviously such a kind and caring friend. I'm sorry you've been treated like this.
 
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lionetta12

Just a random person
Aug 5, 2022
1,201
It does sound strange. Did they say anything about returning the money? You are obviously such a kind and caring friend. I'm sorry you've been treated like this.
They did not mention anything about giving me the money back yesterday nor today. They just said that they aren't being kicked out anymore and don't have to pay, then they stopped replying to me and have ignored me ever since for more than a day now. They did mention yesterday that they are suddenly looking at a new computer to buy, maybe that's where the money is going, I have no idea.
 
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Reactions: Forever Sleep
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lionetta12

Just a random person
Aug 5, 2022
1,201
It does sound strange. Did they say anything about returning the money? You are obviously such a kind and caring friend. I'm sorry you've been treated like this.
Update: I asked for 150 to be paid back and they were not willing to pay it and were really reluctant and evasive. Seems like they spent all of it, but I still don't know what they spent it on because they won't answer that question.
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
9,957
Update: I asked for 150 to be paid back and they were not willing to pay it and were really reluctant and evasive. Seems like they spent all of it, but I still don't know what they spent it on because they won't answer that question.

I'm so sorry. It's not sounding good. I suppose all you can take from it is not to give them money in future. Do you think you want to continue with the friendship? I don't know if it's worth telling them how much this has upset you or, whether that would just make things worse. Regardless though in future- if they come begging again, you have every right to say your trust has been broken after the last time. People can get really weird with money- sadly.
 
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dontwakemeup

dontwakemeup

Experienced
Nov 11, 2024
295
I would definitely send them a message and tell them exactly how this has made you feel and it's impact on you! I would also set some time limits on how and when you want your money. You shouldn't have to do this but least you won't be in limbo waiting. If that person doesn't meet those deadlines then that's your answer.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope it didn't put you in a financial crisis. I don't loan money out anymore because I always ask myself, if the roles were reversed would they help me? The truth is probably not.

This might be a lesson you have to learn the hard way. People sometimes takes our past situations and use them as a way to make us help them. You've been homeless before so of course you would help anyone, because you know how it feels. If you want to help you can offer resources, listen and a prayer. Help doesn't always mean opening up your purse. Actually say no more and you will quickly see who your real friends are.
 
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