Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,422
I think it's happening: I'm hardening my heart toward you and I couldn't be happier. Finally! All of your words and promises are gone and I can cut you off without a thread drawing myself back. It's a bittersweet feeling (if indifference can be felt) but one that will let me ctb without thoughts of anyone holding me back here. You're almost a stranger to me. I don't know if or think that was your intent but the benefits remain: i get to leave and you are off the hook.
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
I wish I could look into your crystally blue eyes again and make out with u. You smelled so good and u touched me so nice. Hope u are doing well out there somewhere :happy:
 
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Nymph

Nymph

he/him
Jul 15, 2020
2,565
I hate that I was born, I hate being alive. You're such a hypocrite, how can you calm me selfish my whole life while you were the most selfish by creative life. I was not asked if I wanted to live, I want to die and you have to deal with it because You started it
 
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F

freefrommybody

Vehemently Pro-choice
Nov 19, 2019
115
"It's laughable that you put me here where I'll be shit on and despised, and then expected me to want to be here. This is not an accusation, despite how it may seem. I just wonder what your thought process really was."
 
Leech

Leech

ɴᴏᴡ'ꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟy ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʀᴇᴀʟ
Aug 8, 2020
205
You're such a filthy hypocrite. You call me immature and useless but I'm not this way because the stars were misaligned when I was born. You raised me this way as someone who was, and still is, useless and immature. You can't get mad at me for not getting into med school when you dropped out of nursing because you were baby hungry. I'm pursuing what I enjoy. Every day my skills get stronger. Just because you're unsatisfied with your life doesn't mean I have to be unsatisfied with mine. You're the reason I am depressed, discouraged, and in pain. You berated and mentally abused me all my life. You let me be r*ped and abused by a 21 year old man when I was 14 under your roof. For 2 years. You can't retroactively say you felt like running him over when he was here. The police station is right across the street. You could have called. You could have walked. Now I'm broken. But at least I'm broken and not ashamed. Own up to your problems. Stop bursting into my room at 8 am telling me to get up and get a job. Don't worry. I don't want to be here no more than you want me to be. I'd love to be living on my own again but if you havent noticed rent is 1k a month, and I'm physically and mentally disabled. Finding a job that pays enough while being able to do school isn't easy. Just because you "did it" (even though you dropped out) doesn't mean I can.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
 
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Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,422
I have nothing to say to you or anyone.
 
VIBRITANNIA

VIBRITANNIA

lelouch. any pronouns. pfp is by pixiv id 3217872.
Aug 10, 2020
1,156
it's funny that all these years have passed and yet you still think that you did nothing wrong, and everybody takes your side. how did you think i was going to react when you abused me every moment you could? did you never stop and think that maybe your actions were wrong? do you even feel guilty? do you even know why i hate you?
 
Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,422
What kind of sh*tshow are you running?????
 
Pupuce

Pupuce

Nobody exists on purpose. Come ctb
Apr 19, 2019
282
Hey mom, remember all the times you said it wasn't so bad? Let me be clear, you are insultingly stupid or blind to think that. Dad was a parasitic alcoholic, a liar, possibly a narcissist, who spend my entire childhood making fun of me, or reeking of booze. So much so that your two older children left the house precisely at the moment they knew he would retire. You told me he was an homophobic bastard and a racist. You even told me you had already left him once and you fucking dared to go back to him, which lead to an accident that is me. But are just as bad as he was. First you went back to an abusive husband. Second you told you had to attach your kids to the sofa to have them behave, and you have the audacity of not being ashamed of telling that story. You spent entire days doing your best to avoid him, instead of being a responsible adult and leaving him. During that time you may have no noticed but I needed to be raised properly which you failed to do. It took him threatening you to leave him for good, after I was already broken. You never fucking bothered to realize I had issues, and the fuckin god forsaken day I told you I wanted to kill myself, you had the audacity to complain about me ruining christmas. You can lie all you want, this is what you did. The best time of my life was when I moved away to study, and I didn't talk to you for months. And now that I am back with you, after that somewhat joyful time, I am more than ever sad. You are a failure of a mother, and that entire family, from one end to the other is a failure too.
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
'I fervently wish that your illegal escapade of corona partying will get you in trouble. You two believe you are superhuman, cannot get sick, and those who get sick are subhuman for doing so, deserving to die. I hope you discover this is not the case, very suddenly.'
 
D

draw a circle

out.
Apr 10, 2020
300
To my friend; honestly, it was astounding how I can 0 expectations of you and still got let down. I literally have nothing left to be disappointed in you. You always said shit about "don't expect anything from people", I wonder where the line lays at that statement? I can no longer wish my friend will be there on the day I wanted to die the most? I can't chat you up and hope you'll respond in time like normal friends do? I can't wish I, as someone who exists right by your side in your real world, could talk to you without your phone between us? Why do I always have to sit and wait until YOU feel extra happy just to spare me a minute of your attention? Am I asking for too much just wanting my friend to be my friend when I'm hitting rock bottom? Might as well lower me into my fucking grave so you can let me down one last time.
 
Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,422
Look, I'm not into crying for help anymore. My last email to you from two months ago wasn't a cry for help, just an update on how hellish things are - you didn't respond. And obviously you aren't going to check how I'm doing. But will you regret not trying to get in touch with me after I ctb?
 
SterileMoth

SterileMoth

Who knows man
Jul 9, 2020
74
I gave you everything. And you keep running away. You'll never be happy at this rate. You run away and push people away and you never care how it hurts them, you don't care to make amends and apologize, you only fucking care about yourself and jesus fucking christ at the end of it I still just want you to love me. I deserve so much better but I really only want you. Because of you I'm never going to be happy again
 
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Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,422
I was thinking about you instead of sleeping last night - a nightmare woke me up and reminded me of the abuse. I know you were justified, in terms of what the universe allows for me, but did you have to? Would you look at my life now and be happy at how miserable I am, how I don't belong anywhere and how your words still ring in my ears - hopefully to ring true soon: "keep trying to kill yourself and one day it will happen?" Me too.
 
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Sweet Release

Sweet Release

Experienced
Nov 24, 2019
252
I never needed you.
You are nothing to me.
 
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FohPah

FohPah

Student
Dec 7, 2019
146
"I only haven't killed myself yet because I'd feel too guilty about causing you grief. There's literally nothing else I'm living for."
 
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MorningstarMornings

MorningstarMornings

leave a beautiful corpse
Aug 20, 2020
41
Don't tell me you care when I've called for help and you didn't even acknowledge me.
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
If you kill me, you will probably get Alzheimer's soon. You will get it anyway unless you stop sitting on your own mind as if it was a fat suitcase. What the fuck are you hiding from yourself? Have you already killed before?
 
Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,422
You're all a bunch of sheep, fooled into thinking people care about you - that your wellbeing is the agenda. You're being conditioned to fit into their agenda and making it too easy. The only thing worse than being a sheep is being a blind sheep that doesn't even know enough to question anything and everything.
 
Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,422
I made promises to both of you. I won't be able to keep them but I made them wishing I could. You're just making me plan very carefully and calmly.
 
raindrops

raindrops

Someday, eventually
Mar 29, 2020
447
Why did you have to leave me the way you did, ffs you would listen to me cry about feeling lonely, cry because I have no family, all I had was you and you abandoned me when I needed you the most. Why did your mother ignore her own son, why couldn't she mother me? Considering my mother died why didn't she have any heart to at least try. Why do your whole family hold grudges the way they do, its fucking weird. Why do you blame me for not going to your stepdads funeral, I was suffering too my grandmother was in hospital when he died, I'm sorry I couldn't go, I'm sorry my social anxiety held me back from a funeral!!
Why didn't you stay and invite your family round to make things better between us all. Just fucking why, why did you meet another girl 3 weeks after leaving me yet we had been together 11 years. Why won't you remove her bestfriend from facebook even though we talk now, why are you trying to stay close to them?
I love you so much, please let's make it better because I can't carry on without you, you are the only person I love.
 
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catsarecool

catsarecool

Remember me for me, I need to set my spirit free
Jul 2, 2020
95
I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you. How could you do this to us? How could you do this to her?

You fucked us up. I thought I knew you. I fucking trusted you. I hope you realized what you what you fucking did. I hope you miss us and I hope it fucking hurts.
Part of me still misses you and I hate myself for that. But I miss the person I thought you were instead of who you actually are. I can't believe I actually had feelings for you.

You disgust me.
 
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M

mapletree

Student
Aug 22, 2020
199
It wasn't for my own good. It was for your own convenience because you found me annoying. That's ok, but don't demean me by pretending you told me to log off and not bother people any more because you're a progessive champion for the mentally defective who are just too stupid to make their own social decisions, you just found me annoying and didn't want to deal with me anymore.

That's ok, that's your right, people aren't put on earth to make me happy. But stop pretending you did some noble promotion of uwu mental health self care by telling me to go see a shrink and fuck off, you just didn't want a weird mentally ill busted up female in your friend group anymore. You said horrifically hurtful things to me that made me very upset. That's not mental illness acting up, that's you deliberately being an asshole and a possible consequence of that is someone getting upset. You want to be a dick, fine, but the weird invocation of mental illness to make yourself feel better has got to stop. It's ok. Just be an asshole or say that you don't like me, it's less offensive and it's being more honest with yourself. You want to bully people but also be reassured that you're not a bully and that you're actually very progressive and cool and much smarter and serious about these issues than everyone else. You want to be a dick to me and then also be reassured that you weren't being a dick, like Schrödingers asshole. I've been bullied in the past and I'm sure I've probably done similar but I didn't need to to brain jenga to make my being a dick to someone actually a very cool woke thing that did the mentally ill (because anyone who reacts to you deliberately being an asshole must be doing so because of mental illness and not because you were really mean to them) a favor somehow

wow that was a lot but Jesus if you're going to be an asshole to me stop trying to be a fancy manipulative asshole because it's giving me like prion brain disease
 
G

Gamja

it hurts
Aug 27, 2019
43
...... I don't regret it. I never got to tell you this but I don't regret meeting you and befriending you.
After so many lonely days and a bleak outlook on life when 2020 started, you were exactly what I needed.
I wouldn't trade the time spent with you for anything in this world.
I didn't realize how fortunate I was for having such good friends until they were gone.

I don't know why I deleted these lines from my initial message and sent something distasteful and provoking instead. I was an immature, petulant child. I was too embarrassed to tell you what I really thought behind layers of bitterness and pain. Anger, frightful and vile thoughts still creep into my mind but at the end, I'm projecting myself and couldn't accept it.
I pushed everyone away and dug a hole for myself. I deserve it.
 
woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
You killed the plush dog and giraffe I left on your pillow soon as you saw them. It was a welcome present from your adventures that suck my life and give it to a leach. I promise you, once I am dead, that person will be fucked, too. You think I have noone to avenge me, you arr wrong as always. Nobody loves you or respects you, I am the only one who knows your ugliness but wants to stay and serve you nevertheless.
 
A

AllReturnsToNothing

I'm useless
Aug 5, 2020
222
Oh poor you you're so sad even though you're surrounded by good and kind friends who love and care about you and boundless talent. You don't know what it's like to truly be all alone.
 
Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,422
I don't want to go tonight!!!
 
woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
I see you have fresh orders to be quick about killing me. Also, you are filthy. Clean your cut nails and hair yourself.
 
Deleted member 18655

Deleted member 18655

Enlightened
Jun 4, 2020
1,422
Are you freaking kidding me? I am now supposed to wear a mask in my condo corridor and elevator (even though I'm usually the only one around in such a quiet building) and the airlines are threatening to bar people from flying for a year unless they provide a certified doctor's letter, even though the doc says that no one can ask for it and there really is nothing official to show? Well, that mask isn't going over my face without major display of shell shock. I'm glad I'm medically exempt because this country is going to hell in a handbasket with this COVID nonsense. 20 people in my city of over one million have it (who knows if they have symptoms or just a positive test) and we're getting more legalistic without any rhyme or reason? Puh-lease! I know I have issues but you're all nuts! But, since we're panicking about safety, let's talk about child abuse or sexual assault or cancer rates - they're all higher than COVID but I don't see anyone freezing time to address it.

/migraine-driven rant :blarg:
 
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