I have no real point to make, no real responses required, I think just putting out in the ether & then forgetting.
SaSu has been the greatest blessing to me, the help I've received, the camaraderie, the similar mindsets.
Knowing that other people think how you think, feel how you feel, the freedom to talk about the worst parts of you, to discuss shame - it's so liberating.
I don't get lonely, but I was lonely "in this". SaSu has been the only place I don't wear my permanent, exhausting mask.
I could not be more grateful.
I hope it exists forever, or until a better alternative for us all does.
But also, fuck, this place can be hard to take.
Not the people dying, not the people recovering.
The people who should not be here, but are.
SaSu doesn't have the resources to screen for every random reporter, pro-lifer, troll, asshole.
But it really breaks my heart, seeing the fake posts that are obvious to everyone & then the more insidious fake posts done in clusters, with multiple participants, weaving their deception & fear, for the sake of it.
I get it, a reporter wants a story, wants to get paid.
Pro-lifers can be religious zealots or people who have suffered loss - I have suffered loss, I have never understood it, I have been guilty of trying to save everyone IRL.
But not here, never here.
I am somewhere between a realist & a pessimist, but for some reason, I have such high hopes for this place to be a sacred little bubble - it's my one place, I don't want my one place filled with liars & assholes, I've got that every place.
I wish there was a way that it could be that bubble.
To all y'all that are fucking with my bubble, I resent the shit out of you. I'm not a vengeful person, but honestly, I would like to piss on the one thing you care about, the one thing you need.
And to all y'all fake ass peeps, you're breaking a necessary thing.
And yes, I know, this is the internet, it's the way it's always been, the way it always will be. I just wish it wasn't.
Dunno whether to post or delete.
Have no point.
Just so, so sad & so, so tired...
Imma go to bed now.
Not a single fucking emoji to be seen, but at least a few swears to prove it's still me.
I'm glad SaSu exists, I really am.
SaSu has been the greatest blessing to me, the help I've received, the camaraderie, the similar mindsets.
Knowing that other people think how you think, feel how you feel, the freedom to talk about the worst parts of you, to discuss shame - it's so liberating.
I don't get lonely, but I was lonely "in this". SaSu has been the only place I don't wear my permanent, exhausting mask.
I could not be more grateful.
I hope it exists forever, or until a better alternative for us all does.
But also, fuck, this place can be hard to take.
Not the people dying, not the people recovering.
The people who should not be here, but are.
SaSu doesn't have the resources to screen for every random reporter, pro-lifer, troll, asshole.
But it really breaks my heart, seeing the fake posts that are obvious to everyone & then the more insidious fake posts done in clusters, with multiple participants, weaving their deception & fear, for the sake of it.
I get it, a reporter wants a story, wants to get paid.
Pro-lifers can be religious zealots or people who have suffered loss - I have suffered loss, I have never understood it, I have been guilty of trying to save everyone IRL.
But not here, never here.
I am somewhere between a realist & a pessimist, but for some reason, I have such high hopes for this place to be a sacred little bubble - it's my one place, I don't want my one place filled with liars & assholes, I've got that every place.
I wish there was a way that it could be that bubble.
To all y'all that are fucking with my bubble, I resent the shit out of you. I'm not a vengeful person, but honestly, I would like to piss on the one thing you care about, the one thing you need.
And to all y'all fake ass peeps, you're breaking a necessary thing.
And yes, I know, this is the internet, it's the way it's always been, the way it always will be. I just wish it wasn't.
Dunno whether to post or delete.
Have no point.
Just so, so sad & so, so tired...
Imma go to bed now.
Not a single fucking emoji to be seen, but at least a few swears to prove it's still me.
I'm glad SaSu exists, I really am.
), for those of you that might not know & care (accepting that odds are pretty low & not caring), I was attempting to quote a nursery rhyme my mother was probably TOO fond of:
but fuck, I gotta start moving again. Being a whiny bitch on the internet helps no-one - the internet already be overflowing with whiny-ass bitches. I came here with one purpose, I haven't fulfilled that purpose, every day feels more of a failure than the last. I wish I went with P & Joe. Or now. Soon.
- some lazy, lame suggestions 
this was what my mum had in mind, telling me that nursery rhyme - me putting it in an angry rant on a suicide forum.
)
