I have tried and tried for many years to kill myself.. it never works I don't why it has to be so hard to die I thought of everything either I'm too nervous and back out or I don't want to feel the pain or when I do have the courage something that I did was wrong I don't know. So maybe suicide isn't for me all I know is I can't do this life anymore IM DONE this shit sucks. I'm leaving maybe tomorrow night I'm running away for the second time but this time I will be prepared hopefully along the way someone decides to kill me and I don't care if they do I'm not begging for this horrible life .
are you running away from you family? where will you be going?
Yes and don't know don't care hopefully I get killed along the way
Radaghest
Member
- Oct 11, 2018
- 79
Watch out.
Be careful.
I used to run away when I was a kid.
One of the times, I got picked up and raped.
It made my issues worse.
Think about if you really want to live with something like that, because it happens frequently.
Your right I'll make sure to keep that in mind because I hear that happens a lot and I don't need to add another downfall to my plate .
worldexploder
Visionary
- Sep 19, 2018
- 2,821
I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you. A lot of horrible things can happen if you run away.
Radaghest
Member
- Oct 11, 2018
- 79
Its getting to be winter. Make sure to wear layers. You can strips layers off, but ypu cant add them back after you leave.
Educate yourself on the free social services in your area. Free food, free shelter, free showers.
Invest in one of those new water purifying straws.
Really think about how you are going to take care of your feet, because they are going to be your best and only friend and primary transportation.
Street life is hard, Im not gonna lie.
Majority of people on the street are living with untreated mental illness.
Make sure to think about if you have medications you really can not be without for how ever long you expect to be gone.
Dont waste any money you get on drugs. I would suggest you invest it in socks, underwear, and soap instead...if not food.
If your goal is really death, honestly consider Sex Work. Sex Workers are easy targets, and most killers know they wont be missed. But, you will live with those memories the rest of your life. So, dont take the decision lightly.
Radaghest
Member
- Oct 11, 2018
- 79
Also, Ivory brand bar soap is a miracle. You can use it to wash hair, body, clothes, and brush teeth. You can get a bar for around a dollar in most convenience and dollar type stores.
Terminally drunk
Student
- Aug 29, 2018
- 133
Its best to describe what country you live in, age too and what your home situation is to actually get proper sound advice from someone and support if you need it. Not many will be bothered to go through ur past posts to figure it out.
Terminally drunk
Student
- Aug 29, 2018
- 133
Radaghest
Member
- Oct 11, 2018
- 79
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
I'd find it easier to kill myself than to do that. At least you maintain control
Terminally drunk
Student
- Aug 29, 2018
- 133
That's not a good idea, to put it mildly. Unless your home situation is really abusive or something like that. In the streets you may be raped, rather than killed (and the asshole rapist will even think he's doing you a favor by letting you live). You'll also face many hardships, such as cold and hunger.
I highly doubt your current situation is worse than this. Have you thought about using N? It's as peaceful as it gets...
Eventually I'll probably ended up getting killed if I were to put myself in the right dangerous section I'm good on observing of course I'll have some type of protection on me if something leads to rape and yes I've heard about n I have no idea how to get it and I'm pretty sure I can't afford it..
Welp commiting suicide is harder than it looks so it looks like I'm out of luck .
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
It's not so easy to die randomly like this. Maybe you'll be saved in time, maybe you'll suffer a lot. The odds are very high that you'll only succeed in making your life much worse.
If you live in the US, you can get N quickly (2-3 weeks). But it does cost 600USD, so it's no exactly affordable. But it's the best method, bar none.
I'm sorry about your situation. It's a shame the way society treats us, denying our choices, and encouraging desperate attempts like this.
WaitingForTheBus
Student
- Oct 27, 2018
- 136
Couldn't imagine dying at the hands of some homicidal maniac would be a pleasant way to go.
Stay safe and think of another alternative.
Stay safe and think of another alternative.
WaitingForTheBus
Student
- Oct 27, 2018
- 136
Look here. Contact details for A are on page 15 of chapter 18, near the top of the page. It will have his encrypted email address, I suggest you create an account at protonmail and do the same.
There has been some talk that he recently has surgery I think, may be out of action for 2 or 3 weeks. Someone else will know more and confirm for you.
Retched
I see the chaos in your eyes.
- Oct 8, 2018
- 837
I wish getting murdered was easy! It's sad, don't get me wrong- but so much easier. Tho I think I'd freak out a potential murderer by begging to die.
TheLastTrip
Experienced
- Nov 2, 2018
- 285
Ha yes I have thought about the same thing, going to some of the areas people say to stay away from and trying to get mugged then refuse and hope they stab me or something. If I ever do get into that situation accidentally I will be insulting his/her momma and trying to get stabbed.
@Alonelyuser - I hope you managed to get some N and find some peace.
@Alonelyuser, remember that you want out of this life because it's already too awful to bear. So don't go risking making it worse --and as others here with more experience than I have can attest, it sure looks like it can get worse. Just because it's already more awful than you can bear does not mean it can't get worse. You've hit your threshold --and that's a thershold no one but you can determine, and no one has any right to judge-- but that doesn't mean there's no suffering that isn't beyond it. My pain threshold is limited to kidney stones, but that doesn't mean being burned alive wouldn't be worse.
If you want to run, then run. Hell yes! Do it! Not to get all pro-lifey, but if running will allow you a better escape than ctb, then run for all you're worth: there's always a chance you might run all the way to somewhere that life can improve. But if you're going to run, run smart. Running blindly, incautiously, unpreparedly, will not improve your situation.
Radaghest has given you what sounds like some excellent advice. Please read it carefully.
Run smart.
If you want to run, then run. Hell yes! Do it! Not to get all pro-lifey, but if running will allow you a better escape than ctb, then run for all you're worth: there's always a chance you might run all the way to somewhere that life can improve. But if you're going to run, run smart. Running blindly, incautiously, unpreparedly, will not improve your situation.
Radaghest has given you what sounds like some excellent advice. Please read it carefully.
Run smart.
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