Running after the bus

[Lastravel]

My main reasons are because of the schizophrenia (catatonic form) , bad genetics, and self isolation.
This is my second attempt, first one was 6 years ago, and totally impulsive. I had no clue how difficult it could be to ctb.

I didn't write a lot about why I want to ctb because I believe this is something personnal and I can figure it out myself.

Schizophrenia is not a disease someone can cure (generally). Yet it's possible to heal some symptoms as delusional ideas or hallucinations. Nevertheless my main issue is about negative symptoms and medication can't really help. It has been now 3 years that I'm not willing to live anymore. I don't really feel sad about it anymore, it's something I chose because I don't want spend my life on medication nor live a life in which I won't be happy. (my english is awful lol )

My only regret would be to not have build a family and never find a stable partner with whom I could have a real connection. Actually I think this is only something I fantasize and am curious about. I know that what life would offer me won't be satisfying. So when I'm figuring it out, regrets tend to dissapear.

Concerning bad genetics, I have no regrets so far. All my life has been a quest where I looked for self improvement. So I've tried my best and now I can peacefully go.

These last days I was looking for a way to release pain for the family circle. But after some research I believe that this is not something I can really control. There is no magic formula and life is such a complex thing that I belive it's better to let time improve things. I'm not trying to investigate more how I could help my parents. This is something they have to figure out themself. Nevertheless I wrote them letters and planed to give them all my money, this was the least I could do.

I am following the 48h regimen for SN method.

48h Regimen

Day 1

9:00 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan
16:00 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan
23:30 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan

Day 2 (Fasting)

7:00 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan
15:00 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan

21:00 : Withdraw fluids

22:00 : Painkiller : 600 mg Ibuprofen + Sedative : 2 mg Xanax

22:15 : Meto : 30 mg Primperan

22:30 Antacid : 300 mg Ranitidine

23:00 : 2* : 20 g SN + 50 ml water

Reboot tel
----

I'm on Day 1 and took the second meto at 16:00.
----
Feeling calm, a little sleepy, but no anxiety so far.
Last week I was more emotional. Will update tomorrow.
---
And take time to make my mind clear. Trying to not forget anything important.

 

[MotherOfCats]

I really feel for you, I have bipolar type 2 so have never had the hallucinations but I imagine it's not great. If you want to get anything off your chest or just have a boring chat then I'm here. Where have you chosen? Home? Hotel? Outside?

 

[Lastravel]

I really feel for you, I have bipolar type 2 so have never had the hallucinations but I imagine it's not great. If you want to get anything off your chest or just have a boring chat then I'm here. Where have you chosen? Home? Hotel? Outside?

Thanks wish you well too, these mental health issues are among the worst :/

I've planed at home, this makes me anxious but at the same time I feel comfortable here. I will lock my door and have a fan to reduce any noise I could make.

Hope my parents won't collapse. This is terrible for them.

 

[Donk]

sorry it has come to this. please continue to update us. we will be here for support. wish you a peaceful exit my friend.

 

[MotherOfCats]

Thanks wish you well too, these mental health issues are among the worst :/

I've planed at home, this makes me anxious but at the same time I feel comfortable here. I will lock my door and have a fan to reduce any noise I could make.

Hope my parents won't collapse. This is terrible for them.

I don't think I'd feel comfortable enough anywhere else apart from my home. Who do you live with? I live with my fiancé but he's working from home at the moment so I'm never alone. I plan to do it at night with SN, just worried the puking would wake him up.

 

[Lastravel]

I don't think I'd feel comfortable enough anywhere else apart from my home. Who do you live with? I live with my fiancé but he's working from home at the moment so I'm never alone. I plan to do it at night with SN, just worried the puking would wake him up.

Same, I live with my parents and my little sister. My parents and my sister will be in the living room I guess, and I am also concerned about the noise I could, so I decided to take SN around 23:00 when they usually watch tv. They won't come check me at night and I hope I will have my puking time (if there is) before they go to sleep.

 

[MotherOfCats]

Same, I live with my parents and my little sister. My parents and my sister will be in the living room I guess, and I am also concerned about the noise I could, so I decided to take SN around 23:00 when they usually watch tv. They won't come check me at night and I hope I will have my puking time (if there is) before they go to sleep.

Hopefully you'll be fine, there was a member who ctb with SN with her family in the house. She threw up but no one heard. If they're downstairs watching TV, you'll probably be okay.

How are you feeling?

 

[Jumper Geo]

My main reasons are because of the schizophrenia (catatonic form) , bad genetics, and self isolation.
This is my second attempt, first one was 6 years ago, and totally impulsive. I had no clue how difficult it could be to ctb.

I didn't write a lot about why I want to ctb because I believe this is something personnal and I can figure it out myself.

Schizophrenia is not a disease someone can cure (generally). Yet it's possible to heal some symptoms as delusional ideas or hallucinations. Nevertheless my main issue is about negative symptoms and medication can't really help. It has been now 3 years that I'm not willing to live anymore. I don't really feel sad about it anymore, it's something I chose because I don't want spend my life on medication nor live a life in which I won't be happy. (my english is awful lol )

My only regret would be to not have build a family and never find a stable partner with whom I could have a real connection. Actually I think this is only something I fantasize and am curious about. I know that what life would offer me won't be satisfying. So when I'm figuring it out, regrets tend to dissapear.

Concerning bad genetics, I have no regrets so far. All my life has been a quest where I looked for self improvement. So I've tried my best and now I can peacefully go.

These last days I was looking for a way to release pain for the family circle. But after some research I believe that this is not something I can really control. There is no magic formula and life is such a complex thing that I belive it's better to let time improve things. I'm not trying to investigate more how I could help my parents. This is something they have to figure out themself. Nevertheless I wrote them letters and planed to give them all my money, this was the least I could do.

I am following the 48h regimen for SN method.

48h Regimen

Day 1

9:00 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan
16:00 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan
23:30 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan

Day 2 (Fasting)

7:00 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan
15:00 : Meto : 10 mg Primperan

21:00 : Withdraw fluids

22:00 : Painkiller : 600 mg Ibuprofen + Sedative : 2 mg Xanax

22:15 : Meto : 30 mg Primperan

22:30: Antacid : 300 mg Ranitidine

23:00 : 2* : 20 g SN + 50 ml water

Reboot tel
----

I'm on Day 1 and took the second meto at 16:00.
----
Feeling calm, a little sleepy, but no anxiety so far.
Last week I was more emotional. Will update tomorrow.
---
And take time to make my mind clear. Trying to not forget anything important.

Sorry you feel CTB is your only answer I had a bad experience from Risperidon and the side effects have destroyed my life I have been off all meds for over a year now and there is no change I was on 2 mg for six months and it's ruined everything I was frightened to come of them but dropped to 1 mg for a month and then nothing, on top of that I have no energy to do anything, get dizzy spells and ringing in the ears when I stopped taking this evil drug.

I hope you can find the peace you need, even if you stick around SS, if you want to talk I'm happy to discuss anything with you, I did notice you are using Ranitidine you need to adjust the time to get the full benefits as I have studied how long the meds takes to be effective, below is my schedule. .

Day 1 Medication and Dose
08:00hrs 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide
16:00hrs 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide
24:00hrs 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide

Day 2 Fast, Medication and Dose
08:00hrs 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide
16:00hrs 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide
22:00hrs 4 X 75mg Ranitidine (300mg)
22:30hrs 1 X 100mg Propranolol
22:45hrs 3 X 10mg Metoclopramide (30mg in total)
23:00hrs 2 X 500mg of Paracetamol (1000mg in total)
23:30hrs 1 X 20mg Diazepam
23:35hrs 1 X Mix 30g SN into 5 gram Rizla parcels
23:50hrs 1 X Last Cigarette, roll up of Golden Virginia tobacco
24:00hrs 1 X Swallow SN parcels with 100ml Water
24:30hrs CTB Woohoo

Cheers Geo

 

[Lastravel]

Hopefully you'll be fine, there was a member who ctb with SN with her family in the house. She threw up but no one heard. If they're downstairs watching TV, you'll probably be okay.

How are you feeling?

They sleep downstairs indeed, except my little sister but I will also let a big fan keep working so hopefully it's noise will hide mine.

Now I'm feeling quiet, I will play video games this evening or something relaxing, but will update tomorrow if anything makes me anxious. Today was an easy day.

 

[MotherOfCats]

They sleep downstairs indeed, except my little sister but I will also let a big fan keep working so hopefully it's noise will hide mine.

Now I'm feeling quiet, I will play video games this evening or something relaxing, but will update tomorrow if anything makes me anxious. Today was an easy day.

Sounds like a good plan

What games do you play and on what platform? I used to play quite a bit, especially when I was off work due to mental health issues. Unfortunately, I can't find the time to play much anymore as I work and when I get home I share the TV with my fiancé. But I am playing the Witcher 3 for the first time, as I missed it at release. It's great!

 

[Lastravel]

Thanks for your advice JumperGeo, I did change my schedule and put the Antacid Ranitidine 300 mg -> 2 hours before SN

Concerning Risperidone it has really bad side effects I totally understand your point of view.
Will log out for today thanks for your support !
----

Finally I'll keep Ranitidine at my first schedule which is the pph recommendation, and after reading this goodbye post thread it makes me a little bit more confident

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/goodbye-sn-in-1-hour.24110/

I know it's a little bit confusing but I don't want to change my plan unless there are some sources. :)

 

[watereyes]

Bon courage..

 

[Jumper Geo]

Thanks for your advice JumperGeo, I did change my schedule and put the Antacid Ranitidine 300 mg -> 2 hours before SN

Concerning Risperidone it has really bad side effects I totally understand your point of view.
Will log out for today thanks for your support !
----

Finally I'll keep Ranitidine at my first schedule which is the pph recommendation, and after reading this goodbye post thread it makes me a little bit more confident

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/goodbye-sn-in-1-hour.24110/

I know it's a little bit confusing but I don't want to change my plan unless there are some sources. :)

Hi,

No problem I have read a few articles which say from 1 hour to 2 hours and last for 12 hours, I hope you find peace.

how long does ranitidine take to work in adults - Google Search

Ranitidine for acid reflux | Medicines for Children

Ranitidine for acid reflux This leaflet is about the use of ranitidine for acid reflux.

www.medicinesforchildren.org.uk

Best wishes

Geo

 

[GoneGoneGone]

friend, I missed your thread...
You were so funny and witty for the time we spoke, I'm so blessed to have found a soul like yours in these days

I wish you a peaceful journey... will be here tonight. Thank you for being you

 

[Lastravel]

So here is an update : starting to feel really anxious, smoked some cigarettes, locked my door and covered any noise with 2 fans. I have known better moments than that. But this is what I really wanted and now I have the opportunity to end this all. I won't step back.

Tx for your support again, I don't know you but you showed great support in such terrible moments. Hope you will get through your issues you deserve all better lifes than struggling so hard here.

Will update after taking sedative and painkiller. Preparing a glass of SN.

 

[MotherOfCats]

So here is an update : starting to feel really anxious, smoked some cigarettes, locked my door and covered any noise with 2 fans. I have known better moments than that. But this is what I really wanted and now I have the opportunity to end this all. I won't step back.

Tx for your support again, I don't know you but you showed great support in such terrible moments. Hope you will get through your issues you deserve all better lifes than struggling so hard here.

Will update after taking sedative and painkiller. Preparing a glass of SN.

I'm right here with you. Got any music planned?

 

[Donk]

safe travel my friend

 

[Lastravel]

I'm right here with you. Got any music planned?

Unfortunately not but I listened some today especially "Human" from Dawns. I may listen to the radio if I don't fall asleep before

 

[MotherOfCats]

Unfortunately not but I listened some today especially "Human" from Dawns. I may listen to the radio if I don't fall asleep before

I'm definitely not a music aficionado, I have no idea what that is! Have you done much today? We've been in the garden, hard work!

 

[Lastravel]

Nice ! It's the perfect moment for gardening.

Now I will prepare SN !

 

[MotherOfCats]

Nice ! It's the perfect moment for gardening.

Now I will prepare SN !

You still rolling it?

 

[Lastravel]

Here is the result

 

[MotherOfCats]

Looking good, nice glass!

 

[LMLN]

I wish you peace and love. You can change your mind, nobody will judge you.

 

[Lastravel]

I wish you peace and love. You can change your mind, nobody will judge you.

Too late bro :/ wish my parents wont be traumatized my thought go to them, theyare the most kind people in the earth i'm sorry to do this to them but it's my choice to end my life

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Peace journey friend
and as said above if you change your mind we are here waiting for you

 

[MotherOfCats]

What time are you drinking?

 

[Lastravel]

Did take painkillers and sedatives, now AE

Can't stop thinking at my poor parents

 

[Donk]

Did take painkillers and sedatives, now AE

Can't stop thinking at my poor parents

its not too late to change your mind my friend

 

[MotherOfCats]

So you've got another hour?
It will be really hard on them, but it is your life and only you can decide if it's worth living. There's no shame in backing out now, sometimes you have to get to this point to realise you want to live.