Discussion Risk method taken away or ctb before originally planned?

[loyalskateboard]

I have an issue. I might be getting SN soon, my third and final option looks like it will be delivered. A fucking miracle. The problem is I have some exciting things coming up. I wanted to wait to ctb until they were over. Both for my enjoyment and to give my family some good final memories.

It's just with everything that happened, I'm scared I will lose it. Either via a welfare check or my mother getting suspicious. I heard someone had theirs delivered and the police arrived two weeks after. I will be away from my house at that point, the person house sitting would let them in to search my room.

I'm torn between ctb as soon as it arrives (literally the same day) or enjoying the plans I had made. If I do the latter, I risk my number one method being taken away. I really don't want to ctb with partial.

It's an awful situation. There are pros and cons to both. I know you can't tell me what to do, but what would you do in this situation? I can barely wrap my head around it. I know in general you should wait until you're ready, but this stupid country might force my hand.

 

[Walilamdzii]

Could you store it in some kind of locker, or somewhere safe elsewhere? Maybe you could purchase a sealed box to put it in and then hide it somewhere else?

 

[loyalskateboard]

Could you store it in some kind of locker, or somewhere safe elsewhere? Maybe you could purchase a sealed box to put it in and then hide it somewhere else?

I've thought about that. I don't have a proper sealed box and my mother would get suspicious if I ordered things I don't normally care about. I'm going to try and spread it out through my room with zip lock bags or something. Idk. I'm already shitting my pants that she will wonder what I ordered. She knows about the welfare check and admission. She's already suspicious. I barely convinced her not to regularly check my mail. If she finds out or the police/ambulance show up, they will search my room. If I'm out of my house for a week (with family), the house sitter will 100% let them come in to search my room. I'm traumatised by that last welfare check/admission I can't go through it again. I doubt I'd get out of the psych ward for weeks. If they find a second package, my mother would go through my mail. Guarantee it. I wouldn't have the option to re order.

 

[!MIA!]

Can you bury it?

 

[loyalskateboard]

Can you bury it?

Not an option :/

 

[FuneralCry]

That really does sound like such an awful situation, it just disgusts me how other people wish to remove reliable suicide method options, we all deserve the option of a way to reliably leave when the time is right for us. But anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

 

[celest]

I have an issue. I might be getting SN soon, my third and final option looks like it will be delivered. A fucking miracle. The problem is I have some exciting things coming up. I wanted to wait to ctb until they were over. Both for my enjoyment and to give my family some good final memories.

It's just with everything that happened, I'm scared I will lose it. Either via a welfare check or my mother getting suspicious. I heard someone had theirs delivered and the police arrived two weeks after. I will be away from my house at that point, the person house sitting would let them in to search my room.

I'm torn between ctb as soon as it arrives (literally the same day) or enjoying the plans I had made. If I do the latter, I risk my number one method being taken away. I really don't want to ctb with partial.

It's an awful situation. There are pros and cons to both. I know you can't tell me what to do, but what would you do in this situation? I can barely wrap my head around it. I know in general you should wait until you're ready, but this stupid country might force my hand.

That is my EXACT situation rn. The more I wait the more I risk the sn being found but I don't wanna do it before the date I planned. I'd advise you to do the same. Having an accessible method you feel comfortable with gives you a sense of security I get it, but this isn't something you should rush into. Also don't open the sealed box until it's about time as sn reacts with oxygen. I've also thought about the zip lock thing or using bottles but it's a bad idea since it's impossible to keep them airtight. It's a really though situation to be in. If I were you I wouldn't wanna miss out on the good stuff before I go.