Help what method can i even succeed at ?

[suicidia]

sorry if this is mistagged on accident , im very new as you can see . so ive been suicidal for 3+ years and extremely suicidal (like a 8-9 on that scale people use) for about 2 . my go to method used to be bleeding out but that isnt reliable and i never even broke skin (i can usually go deeper just on my thighs i swear) , i have emotionally incestuous parents that freaked out and searched my room (and locked my closet that wasnt searched . as in my closet . in my room .) and placed me in iop when they heard i might be suicidal even though i tried hard to convince them otherwise , they scan all my packages before i can even see them , they have cameras and alarms in the bottom level so i cant get out without permission and we never go out unless one of us has a drs appointment because they never want to leave me home alone . i cant take pills and i have nothing but a pencil sharpener blade i snuck during the search and a braided charging cord to do any sort of damage . they dont even let me have kiddy scissors . theyre also planning to change the doorknobs in the house soon from the twisty kind to the push-down kind and i dont know if thatll impact my ability to hang myself or not . i have no anchor points in my room or bathroom (only two rooms i can attempt in) so those are my only options . i know i sound like a 5yo with all these restrictions but thats what emotional incest does to your life . im planning to lie to my new therapist once i start with him to hopefully get some more agency since its been the exact same for over a year now but ive had issues and havent been able to start with him since we had a consultation in november . i only tried to hang myself once and i just got throbbing unbearable head pain until i stopped . i know hanging is probably my best shot but i have no idea how to do it properly . does anyone have any advice to finally give me release after my 3+ years of hell ? (thank you for reading my long rant)

 

[ZwartHartje]

I'm so sorry, that's some really insane level of abuse you're going through there, being kept as a prisoner! I hope you're not a minor, in which case you shouldn't be here. If you're of legal age then your parents have no right to take your freedom like this -> call the police maybe, even if you have nowhere to go, being homeless is bad but still not as bad as imprisoned. And if you are a minor you could contact child protective service.
The question is, are you only suicidal because you're being in this extremely abusive situation, or are there other reasons?
If it's only or mainly just your imprisonment situation, there have to be other ways to regain your freedom.
But if it's more than this, there are some "resources" here, look for that thread in the suicide discussion section.