i tried to write replies to everyone who posted but it got way too long and sappy so i'll save you some time and merely say i'm very grateful to everyone and that you will all choose what's best for you. remember, when thinking about suicide, be calm, cool and collected. don't make rash decisions based on your current situation or let yourself be influenced by anyone else's stance on it; consider the option objectively and logically. if you still wish to proceed, i wish you luck and peace.
i can't edit my post anymore so i'd just like to mention i didn't actually have very much phytic acid; i don't have much of an appetite nowadays. "It's just like putting gas in a car that don't have no motor," to quote a prisoner on death row when asked about his last meal. i'd also like to mention that i will be taking 5 x 40mg of propranolol 75 minutes prior to taking SN. i decided to give it more time to do its thing, and also to up the dose since i won't be taking benzos. i'm female, 6 feet and 11 stone if it helps any. furthermore, my SN - which i received a month ago - is as hard as a rock (it's still sealed, but i've shaken it). i'm rather sure this is because it's laboratory grade & doesn't contain anti-caking agents and not because it has turned into nitrate. if i succeed, i hope it alleviates concern for those of you whose SN is in the same condition.
here's a cringe poem i wrote on the topic, i usually do satirical stuff so it's not very good.
many a night i spent praying to God
every inch of my flesh scarred
"kill me, kill me, kill me" i cried
God sent me an angel, tar black wings
and a halo made out of pills
and finally my last breath i sighed
with words carved into my thigh
and finally
i die
i'll lurk and perhaps post a bit more until i go. i'll assess how lethargic i feel before drinking the SN; if i feel too drowsy beforehand, i won't be liveblogging the experience so i don't accidentally lose consciousness before i manage to log out. if i don't post here again and am banned on Monday chances are good i succeeded. i asked a mod to be banned after some time and a friend to post the article on this thread if there're any news on it.
wishing you all the best.