Reasons to die and not to die

[RadiantNumber]

I think my life is going down, I have loan for my apartment. but my money are ending, I think my health isn't in good shape and this breaking me down. I thought about moment when only option would be death but I am afraid of it, that this will be irreversible, that my family will be sad, that I lose everything and I'll be punished after death. I do know that this moment will come but I am afraid that my decision will be bad.
What I suppose to do? How could I remove that thoughts in the moment of decision?
If this is wrong section please move to the good one
I am also afraid that death will be painful