Really fucking wanting to die today

[Suspect_Device]

I tried some light lifting today and yep, now my fucking shit ass neck is inflamed. Just reminding me of how disabled and useless I will always be. It's like a neon sign that clicks on and blinks "KILL YOURSELF... KILL YOURSELF" over and over. I am so incredibly fucked. I kind of wish there were more outward manifestations of the physical pain I'm in so that people would understand. But I don't blame them, it's hard to understand spine pain unless you've experienced it. Wish I wasn't barred from buying a gun I would just fucking buy one and end this today.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really horrible what you go through, I find it so immensely cruel how people suffer so much in this existence all through no fault of their own yet there isn't the option of straightforward ways to die, I hope that you eventually find the freedom from your suffering you search for.

 

[Light_]

is you pain manageable? as in, if you don;t do things like lifting to inflame it are you generally okay? do pain medications help at all?

 

[Suspect_Device]

is you pain manageable? as in, if you don;t do things like lifting to inflame it are you generally okay? do pain medications help at all?

It's always there to some degree and if I can't even lift anything I don't see the point in living. I am prescribed muscle relaxers which knock me out into a non-functional depressive haze and I avoid taking them.