Ready to Be dead but not to Die

[Sord17]

Anyone else?
I'm at the point in life where being dead is the only thing I can look forward to. I'm probably idealising it, I'm ready to be relieved of all function and cease to exist.

Dying on the other hand is very dreadful. I'm pretty much always of sound mind so trying to harm myself in any way at all is very stressful and straining. The day I die will surely be more stressful than the last 10 years combined at this rate.

Sigh- I will continue to fantasise about having an "off switch" to just shut this show down.

 

[gardenoflonely]

me too tbh. i can't wait for this to be over. everyday is more painful than the last

 

[deepwell2drown]

sometimes I fantasize about paying someone to shoot me in the brainstem execution style for this exact reasoning

 

[Mooncry]

I think I've thoroughly psyched myself out about the dying process at this point. I'm so scared of what it's going to feel like that there's no possible way it's actually going to be a fraction of how bad I'm imagining it. I think I'm postponing due to a cocktail of things, mostly all rooting back to fear of the unknown.

 

[hurts2b]

It would be really nice to be dead without dying.

I'm pretty self destructive but I think you have to be on a different level of destructive to actually go through with it. I'm just praying I'll eventually be able to manage getting over the SI when it's time.

Everything..... even death.....is so much work.

 

[volo]

Yeah… plus, what if I fail and permanently damage myself… not good.

 

[w8forme]

I get this too, I look forward to nothing but death yet i cant seem to ever bring myself to act on it, and every day i regret not acting on it the day before.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel exactly this. It's the difference I suppose- between passive ideation- which is relieving to contemplate and active- which is stressful/ terrifying.