Rather be dead than happy .

[fficiallyjawshh]

Anyone else reach a point where you'd rather die and call it quits oppose to trying to even be happy anymore ? It's a sad place to be .

 

[Jean4]

Interesting. I never knew what the definition of happy was until recently. When it happened, I actually didn't understand the feeling, and the person who made me have these feelings had to actually explain what it was.

For me, out of my 51 years, it came out of nowhere.

Try to be happy again? I honestly don't know how. Would I like to be again? Absolutely. I just don't expect it. Very thankful it happened that once, so I could experience it and now I know what it was like.

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

Interesting. I never knew what the definition of happy was until recently. When it happened, I actually didn't understand the feeling, and the person who made me have these feelings had to actually explain what it was.

For me, out of my 51 years, it came out of nowhere.

Try to be happy again? I honestly don't know how. Would I like to be again? Absolutely. I just don't expect it. Very thankful it happened that once, so I could experience it and now I know what it was like.

This made me kind of sad smile . I'm glad you got to experience it and it was memorable for you . That's something, right :,)

 

[SlackJim]

I can relate, though I don't feel like that now, I think it happens when you forget what happiness feels like, or when the perceived route of recovery is too difficult and/or unrealistic.

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

I can relate, though I don't feel like that now, I think it happens when you forget what happiness feels like, or when the perceived route of recovery is too difficult and/or unrealistic.

I can actually agree . Too difficult/unrealistic plus a lack of motivation due to trying for so many years has really done that to me .

 

[Cutepoison]

I can relate. I'm just very tired of life. I feel I've seen and done enough (I'm 31), and I just want to check out.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

I want to be happy when my time comes to CTB. Like, not distracted, really genuinely happy. I think it'd make it easier to bypass the instinct, and would be like a symbolic middle finger to the life that gave me depression - I'll make life take that thing back, and then quickly flee.

Sadly I can't make a combustible depression and give that back instead.

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

I can relate. I'm just very tired of life. I feel I've seen and done enough (I'm 31), and I just want to check out.

People tell me to "just wait, it gets better" all the time and I'm afraid I'll be in my 30s or 40s still wanting to die . Especially when I could have just killed myself in my youth .

I want to be happy when my time comes to CTB. Like, not distracted, really genuinely happy. I think it'd make it easier to bypass the instinct, and would be like a symbolic middle finger to the life that gave me depression - I'll make life take that thing back, and then quickly flee.

Sadly I can't make a combustible depression and give that back instead.

Your "symbolic middle finger" made me chuckle because I can relate . Finally for once we'll be in a position of happiness and life can fucking suck it . Yeah it won't be combustible depression but it'll be something right haha

 

[tony.end]

OP i relate completely with everything you said.
on one hand i think we hold the right to exert total control over our own lifes. The greeks held this very tight in their culture, but the conception has been lost after the advent of christianity.

on the other hand we do hold responsibility when killing ourself from the moment it causes externalities.

The two parameters are hard to balance, and people hold different opinions; also, thinking clearly while having chronic depression is not really a thing, and to say this i had to make a huge struggle.

I haven't given an answer, i just exposed my thoughts. probably there is no answer, but it's best to choose with reason and thorughly.

edit: sorry for my pedantic writing style. btw i won't have that happiness while CTB for the aforesaid reasons: guilt

 

[Maroon]

People tell me to "just wait, it gets better" all the time and I'm afraid I'll be in my 30s or 40s still wanting to die . Especially when I could have just killed myself in my youth .

Your "symbolic middle finger" made me chuckle because I can relate . Finally for once we'll be in a position of happiness and life can fucking suck it . Yeah it won't be combustible depression but it'll be something right haha

That's the main response I get when I try to explain to people why I don't want to live. I legitimately just would rather not go through the trouble of advancing in life and learning how to communicate with people well even if it would lead to eventual happiness. I've been happy before, and I don't think it's worth effort. I'd rather just go.

 

[waterbottleman]

Anyone else reach a point where you'd rather die and call it quits oppose to trying to even be happy anymore ? It's a sad place to be .

Yes

 

[Xaphous]

Yes I never got to enjoy being young and experienced nothing, missed out on everything. Spent all my 20s alone everyday with my miserable cunt parents who act like isolation is totally normal.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Anyone else reach a point where you'd rather die and call it quits oppose to trying to even be happy anymore ? It's a sad place to be .

Yes. I have come to the realization that I have not been happy for a very long time. I have tried for many years to change that and realize that it is not in the cards for me. I can totally relate to this.

 

[listeningpost1379]

Indeed. I was born into great misfortunes: a war-torn birthplace, absolute poverty, a clan of horrible devils and my parents are the worst of all. My life has significantly improved over time and I am now living super comfortably, loved by many and very close to having it all. And ironically, it's now that I finally figure out the pursuit of happiness is not worth it. So I know for sure it's not hardship that makes me want to die.

 

[NotMeant2B]

I've said this many times in the past, but yes, I'd rather be dead than happy. Life's just stupid, painful, evil, pointless, and a neverending list of awful adjectives. Or am I the one that is awful? Either way, better kill myself.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

I am there now, cant even imagine what happiness feels like anymore, too deep a hole. I have rebuilt myself from past events so many times and I do not have the strength or desire to do it again..

 

[TheEndof]

It's just not worth the effort and at this point, I don't see how I could ever be happy in the long term. It seems like everything turns to shit eventually. And that's just not worth living for.

 

[Broken Chimera]

And ironically, it's now that I finally figure out the pursuit of happiness is not worth it. So I know for sure it's not hardship that makes me want to die.

That's what I figured out. Even if I dig myself out of this hole, it wouldn't matter. I'm sick of this place.

 

[Grandexit]

Anyone else reach a point where you'd rather die and call it quits oppose to trying to even be happy anymore ? It's a sad place to be .

Not exactly that, but my multitude of problems are a gordian knot. Even if the depression is better, I still have so many things that are missing for my life to be whole. I'm so far from normal. Honestly I have always planned to ctb after my mother passed, but this last year, I've decided to prioritize my pain over hers.

 

[AnnonyBox]

Its how I feel all the time. Why bother anymore, when the next day is just going to come and knock down all of your progress and emotionally kick you when you're down, into a worse place than before?

 

[NotMeant2B]

Its how I feel all the time. Why bother anymore, when the next day is just going to come and knock down all of your progress and emotionally kick you when you're down, into a worse place than before?

Oof, this hit very close home.

 

[AnnonyBox]

Oof, this hit very close home.

Sorry that you have to be in the same situation. When every day is a choice of opportunity cost on whether or not to feel temporary respite, only to make things worse, don't ever let anyone tell you that you're 'giving up' by being here. Humanity is nothing but vultures.

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

Its how I feel all the time. Why bother anymore, when the next day is just going to come and knock down all of your progress and emotionally kick you when you're down, into a worse place than before?

My thoughts exactly like what's even the point anymore :(

OP i relate completely with everything you said.
on one hand i think we hold the right to exert total control over our own lifes. The greeks held this very tight in their culture, but the conception has been lost after the advent of christianity.

on the other hand we do hold responsibility when killing ourself from the moment it causes externalities.

The two parameters are hard to balance, and people hold different opinions; also, thinking clearly while having chronic depression is not really a thing, and to say this i had to make a huge struggle.

I haven't given an answer, i just exposed my thoughts. probably there is no answer, but it's best to choose with reason and thorughly.

edit: sorry for my pedantic writing style. btw i won't have that happiness while CTB for the aforesaid reasons: guilt

Guilty for what reason (personally) ?

 

[S1mpleme]

Being dead is not being happy, but and not unhappy.

 

[tony.end]

My thoughts exactly like what's even the point anymore :(

Guilty for what reason (personally) ?

for hurting my family, that's what I was referring to when talking about externalities

 

[Mizzmini45]

I can relate. I'm just very tired of life. I feel I've seen and done enough (I'm 31), and I just want to check out.

You sound just like me and my friends.

 

[Green Destiny]

Haven't been happy for a long time. It also feels like i've wasted enough of my time doing fuck-all at a dead end job. I'd rather be dead then deal with such regret down the road.

Yes I never got to enjoy being young and experienced nothing, missed out on everything. Spent all my 20s alone everyday with my miserable cunt parents who act like isolation is totally normal.

Oh what a coincidence I have to live with a mom who's a lot like that.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I can relate. I'm just very tired of life. I feel I've seen and done enough (I'm 31), and I just want to check out.

I can relate to this.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Id rather be dead the spend every waking minute FIGHTING AND SCRATCHING and scraping for every drop of happiness I can scavenge

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

for hurting my family, that's what I was referring to when talking about externalities

That's how I feel too . It's the main reason I failed in November . I was thinking about how much it would hurt my mom so I didn't go through with it but I've been slowly but surely trying to think less about it and just do it . The more I think the less chance there is for me to do it :/