Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[Unending]

10 in the sense that it is all I think about all day from start to finish but a 1 in the sense that I feel like I'll never be able to get myself to go through with it.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

10. I wake up every single day with suicidal thoughts. For me it is the only option that remains now

 

[onceuponadec]

6 I'm thinking about those I will leave behind and those I will join.

 

[Hurt]

10

 

[noname223]

4.5.

I am depressed and suicidal. I have now a week free of work. Though I just realized once again how fucking tormenting my life is. The pressure that I do on myself is inhuman and agonizing. My OCD and perfectionsim ruins my life quality completely.

In the vacation time this becomes pretty clear. Due to the fact I recognize how much better I feel when I have free time. My consciousness is a prison cell. Fuck my life. I am so fucking anxious about a possible relapse. The future scares me a lot.

 

[Ineedtodie]

10.

 

[HerculePoirot]

8.

 

[aforestfire]

6.5, i think i'll go back to sleep.

 

[TraurigerClown]

Im at constant 9-10 the last few weeks if not months

 

[noname223]

4,5. Such a fucking bullshit.

I am invited to the New Years Party from my best friends. It is a long tradition. And it is a party I usually always take part in.
I feel ill though. My fucking grandma probably infected me because instead of isolating herself she comes to us in order to celebrate christmas.

Such a fucking disappointment. And instead I have to be alone. Further she gave me this crappy picture as a present plus 100 euros though.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

2 not the worst day ive had lately

 

[BurningMan]

They fluctuate rapidly. But I would never say they go below a 5. It's an everyday thing where I think of the idea of ending my life and it's such a relaxing thing. Over the holidays they have been cranked up to a 10. I'm just really tired of living like this and I can't imagine living until I'm 30 nevermind 60-70 range that were expected to.

 

[LivedTooLong]

8-9

 

[timorousTruant]

9

I'm certain I'll do it, and I think about it every day, but I've decided to finish the novel I'm working on first.

 

[TraurigerClown]

steady 10

 

[noname223]

4,5. Very manic.

I am not sure whether I still have the control over this situation. All I know is when I relapse I need to kill myself quickly.

Physically I feel okay I am probably able to visit the New Year's party of my friends. I am so fucking anxious about the pain that might return. It was insane. So by the way I probably won't make any threads on New Year's eve.

I really hope my emergency medication saves me. Though from experience I have to say when the cause is a woman even they are not that powerful.

 

[lonely_k1d]

today's probably a 7, like it is every day

 

[girlsboysthems]

in the morning i was at a 8 (intensive thoughts, impulses), later in the day it dropped to a 4(think about it few times in 3hours).

 

[noname223]

4,5. Feeling quite depressed. Gladly less manic the emergency medication seemed to have helped.

Though I seem to have influenza. My desire to see my friends again is very big. But I am anxious to infect them. This could turn out pretty badly. It is so sad for me.

It looks like I go to the New Year's party but I am pessimistic about the outcome. I wish to heal fast. But as usual my wishes in life seem to be denied.

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

10

 

[Decided98]

Today it's a 7 I feel so tired and drained feel like everything is a task :/

 

[Ultracheese]

It's a 6 today. The thoughts are always there, sometimes they're just more intense one day compared to the next.

 

[BlazingBob]

About an 8 mainly because of chronic exhaustion. I'm too tired to live. I'm sitting outside waiting for a pizza and hear all the normies laughing and having a good time. I can't remember the last time I laughed.

 

[ConstantPain]

Earlier in the day I'd say I was a 7 but now at least a 9. I desperately want to find fentanyl and od as quickly as possible. I keep hearing of people dying locally because of it and wish I knew how to get some. I've never done drugs so I don't think it would take too much but I don't know of any contacts to find it. Part of me is feeling bad enough to just go lie down on the railroad tracks. I've always thought that's a terrible thing to do to the train engineer but I don't know how much longer I can stand to keep living. I used to think I wouldn't want to ctb where my husband would find me but I hate him now and want him to. Not sure if it would have any impact on such a narcissist but I can hope.

 

[Sadgirldaisy]

8 or 9, I've failed at everything and I'm a waste of human life but there's still part of me that hopes somehow I'll stop being an incompetent loser enough to build a life for myself

 

[angelfeather]

9. Cannot cope with this life anymore.

 

[thedaywillcome]

8

 

[Ineedtodie]

8 or 7 or 6. I wouldn't go for 6 bc my temperament could be triggered. I hate this goddamn place.

 

[leaf23]

8 If there was a risk- and complication- free ctb method at hand rn I'd do it. I dread the coming year, a new year of facing the same pains and being in this living hell

 

[Gossamer]

A solid 8, I'm not going to do it as of now, but I'm definitely planning it and feeling like there's not other way out for something like me. A lot of guilt and shame are consuming my thoughts.