Sometimes I wonder if I really am just a lazy self-absorbed piece of shit as people have called me before in the past. I'm not in chronic pain, I don't really have any problems apart from being diagnosed with depression, anxiety and agoraphobia. I still want out though, I can't bear the thought of feeling like this for several more decades. This feeling of waking up everyday, exhausted, self-loathing, disliking the very idea of existence itself. I don't want to get a job only to survive, I don't want to be part of this "society" but apparently anyone who feels that way should just like it, put up with it because it's how life works. I don't want help or to be "fixed". I'm not even sure if this is depression anymore. I'm sure I sound like life owes me something, I don't know. It just doesn't make sense to me to continue doing something that makes you feel like you're suffering.