Random thoughts

[Can'tStandAnymore]

As I'm not able to tell every moment happening in my life, you will mostly likely say that I'm a schizo. But I believe that it's not the first time I'm coming to this life. I'm not talking about some religious bullshit, I'm agnostic but I have seen enough sign that I perfectly predicted how my life will become in the future(it means now), and how it will end. Imaginations, dejavus, the key points in my life, some specific persons(I immediately recognized some strange aura and familiarity from these persons), the diseases I got, etc.

Did someone clicked the replay button of the simulation or am I going crazy?

 

[Fadinglife]

That i be free of chose either life or death. This is really painful and i am falling apart.

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm immensely, overwhelmingly exhausted. There is the constant urge to just call it a day and drink up. I'm thinking of Frodo, crawling forward despite the weight of the ring. Not that I will save the world, or that I can, or there are any eagles... But just to lie down and rest is tempting.

Yesterday I had such terrible physical pain that I passed out.

 

[262653]

Coming home and removing my bra is like the second best thing in the world.. next to a glass of wine :-)

Wait, I thought you're a man...

 

[Life sucks]

I hate kids (actually not all of them but the extremely annoying, noisy and ones that make everywhere a mess) and that automatically make you a bad guy in the stupid society. Specially when they are backed by the fucking natalist parents that every shit they do is a gift from heaven.

 

[hatelife]

Was not thinking of writing suicide letter now Im considering writing 2, 1 to famiily the other to somebody else, but only if i really plan to do it. I have anxiety now and its making me really think of worst possible outcomes if I die, and also if there is another life being born again suffering like a caged animal, or other horrible stuff. When I think of my life now and compare it to other I cant say Im suffering as I have shelter, food everything to survive, Im not abused not forced to do anything not tortured in physical way...
I will pass on my hurt to others now, its making me feel anxiety, and like im being forced to go on living when I dont really want to live, just want to sleep n never wake up. Also having guilt n feel like a freak again n like a serial killer or psycho a real bad person. I try not to hurt other living things but end up doing it even if I did not intend to, or did I intend to do it? This is making me crazy in my mind, I keep replaying things to see if Im really a bad person. No amount of doing good will ever make the bad things I did go away or okay ever again, its like Lyle Menedez said, nothing is going to ever bring back his parents, that he killed them, no amount of crying,guilt or praying to god he will forgive him.
Ive tainted all the good things in me, I think its even if my hair grows back and my face becomes like a normal persons, im never going to go back to being a good person as I did that to myself, I did horrible things and now Im paying for it and thats why these bad things are happening to me, maybe Im not worth being alive, im taking up oxygen, its like that pizzagate guy isaac kappy that said he is a bad person and now he has to die and jumped of a bridge.

 

[Woodnote]

I feel so overwhelmed with everything. I'm stuck. Unable to move forward in any direction. I'm suffocating. Buried beneath my problems. I don't know what to do..

 

[sammii]

I just found out that the dude who invented frisbees had his ashes made into a frisbee for his kids to play with after he died. That's pretty weird.

 

[SinisterKid]

You would have been 40 this year. I am so sorry I never knew you. Hopefully you can forgive me for that. I think about you often, but it hurts, even after all these years. RIP sweetheart

 

[Morphinekiss]

Pain at an 11 today. Can I give up now?

 

[ReverendGreen]

A couple weeks ago I flew out to a festival in another state to see my favorite band play live. Feel pretty bummed out about the whole thing looking back on it. In my mind I was expecting to get out of my shell, meet new people, have fun, but I mostly kept to myself the entire weekend. When I finally saw the band play I was kinda out of it and didn't entirely process what I was experiencing. The setlist was insane and I'm upset I wasn't as psyched about it in the moment as I was leading up to it. Also had a panic attack in the airport after landing which sucked.

sorry about the blog post but my therapist ghosted me and I needed an outlet

 

[Lefty]

Feeling anxious.

 

[throwaway345]

Feeling anxious.

Anxiety here too

 

[Life+me=error]

Someone in the bar "Hey Death, Mother nature posted a new Wanted poster"

Death: Reward?

Someone: Category Z

Death using the tip of his magnum to lift his cowboy hat... "about time that cheap bitch posts something worthy of my time"

 

[BPD_LE]

Got assessment today. I'm not up for it. Only going to prevent my GP and SMS CPN from burning out. CMHT have let me down so badly this year. I'm likely to be sarcastic and unhelpful during the assessment. I won't be answering questions that they should already know the answers too, if they'd read my notes. Will be interesting.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I'm high as fuck right now. For once, it's a nice-ish high. I think. I can feel my eyeballs. The not very nice part is having some trouble with balance and gravity.
I'm moving from... one set of pills to another. The first set of pills has been causing serious problems.
One of the groups I'm in has been pushing for the term "medical gaslighting"
[some hours later]
So it turns out all this "high" was not necessarily from the meds but from forgetting to eat for three days. One of the meds has the (underestated) side effect of loss of appetite. I nearly died from starvation. Again.

 

[BadChanges]

I can't anymore.

I have so many health issues. I wanted to go to a Cafe and i'm so sensitive to sounds and it's so hard. I also have jaw issue that make it really hard to chew stuff and open my mouth. There was nothing on the menu for me, so I ordered something that I thought was okay, but it really wasn't. It's so frustrating, as I ask myself what can I fucking enjoy? it's not about depression, this is what causes the depression! And the back pain from the chair, argh.

i just want to enjoy things. God damnit. I always tell myself, no wonder I stay at home.

 

[woxihuanni]

Went through (most of) my papers. Threw out crap. Made a list of things I need to do before. Very systematic corpse, this one, kudos.

 

[BadChanges]

Went through (most of) my papers. Threw out crap. Made a list of things I need to do before. Very systematic corpse, this one, kudos.

I need to arrange my room ,throw out stuff. It's a mess. I don't have the power to do it. Argh.

 

[Kassender]

Why did you insist i stay ?
Im clearly bothering you

Im so sick of feeling this

 

[woxihuanni]

I need to arrange my room ,throw out stuff. It's a mess. I don't have the power to do it. Argh.

If it helps to know, what little I did left me so weak and dizzy that I'm passing out where I sit. It's the not work, it's the fact that death is not a party I'm not eager to attend.

 

[Manaaja]

My life is bad:

Offline world is bad => go to twitter
Twitter is bad => go to deviantart
Deviantart is bad=> go to reddit
Reddit is bad => go to forums
Forums are bad => go to this site
This site is bad => rope
Rope fails => play video games
Video games get boring => step outside my apartment into the offline world
Offline world is bad => go back online

Nothing can bring me happiness. Everything goes wrong. I'm really becoming desperate.

I have said this a million times, but it's always true:

FOR EVERY TINY GOOD THING, THREE REALLY BIG BAD THINGS HAPPEN!

How can I stay positive? How can I be nice and friendly? When the whole wide world is specifically designed to make good people feel bad.

I have become a bit nihilistic and uncaring and evil plus really antisocial. This world rewards evil and selfishness. Bullies become famous and rich and successful. I want to be rich and famous and successful too! And if the best and only way to become one is to be evil, then please let me be evil. Let me be selfish. Let me bully. Let me be more than a doormat.

 

[BPD_LE]

I have so much love to give. It makes me sad I have to die when people with dark hearts live in luxury.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I wish I had IRL friends.

 

[Saroshi]

I just realized either yesterday or the day before I have the means to kill myself if I wanted to. It always seemed like a future thing I could not do yet, but really it takes minimal investmemt if I don't take care.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I wish I had IRL friends.

Let's try to turn online friendship into irl.

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm so terrified that I'm not properly terrified.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

Let's try to turn online friendship into irl.

:) that's something I hope to stay alive long enough for

 

[Morphinekiss]

Of course they're looking at houses together. She continues to remain everything I'll never be. Atleast they got it right with one child.

 

[vonvonwantpeace]

another shitty day...