Venting Ran into my dad today

[CentreMid]

I work in retail. My dad showed up at my store and we ran into each other. I haven't talked to him or the rest of my family in a very long time (went NC). He asked me if I'll be home for easter, to which I said no.

He also told me that my mom had tried to send me some emails and that it would be great if I responded to them. For the record, I've blocked my mom's email and number and everything else I could think of and have no desire to reconnect. Anywho, I told my dad I'd have a look for the emails, though I really have no intention of doing so.

Long story short, seeing him and talking about my mom triggered a lot of suicidal thoughts and feelings and ruined my shift. I was already having a rocky day and I almost went home because the suicidality was getting too overwhelming for me to function at my job. The only reason why I didn't leave is because I need the money, and if I don't get paid then I can't pay rent.

Fuck my parents. Fuck easter. I just want to stay in and watch horror movies this weekend.

There are other reasons why suicide has been on my mind lately, but I'll save those for another time.

 

[whywere]

The day after I turned 18, back in 1974, my folks drove me to town, I was raised on a working dairy farm and dropped me off on a street curb with no food, no money, no shelter, no nothing except my bag of clothes and drove off and I never heard from them again, 100% their choice.

At that moment it was like hell on earth for me, BUT now looking back it was the best. I would have had to put up with just how ultra mean and cruel they were.

I 100% understand where you are coming from and you are a strong, intelligent and ever so caring and kind soul.

Move forward, do not look back and the world is there for you to be a true winner at, as I believe in you 100%

Walter