Purely mental issues like me? or also some physical condition/pain involved?

[lululoo]

That's true. When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, they just put me on Cymbalta. The only other option was Lyrica which isn't a SNRI/SSRI, but it has a lot of side effects. The Cymbalta of course didn't work, so it proved that it wasn't psychosomatic.

Oh I've never met a doc who considered a med not working as proof that it's jot psychosomatic. All it seems to prove to them is that I'm annoying and difficult to treat and maybe aren't trying hard enough. Never occurs to them to look at the actual success rates in the studies and notice that these drugs don't help the majority of people and that a large part of their effect is placebo.

 

[Weems]

Shit personality developed by 30 years of narcissism/megalomania + actually pussing out before the slightest challenge. Latter also led to me dropping out of college and having no serious employable skills.

So I'm looking at a long life of menial work, no friends, no love/sex, no esteem from others, and a lot of painful memories. The good memories have become painful because they imply I wasted something.

Re: the narcissism/megalomania I wanted to do great things in life and even deluded myself into thinking I would. The reality is just too much to bear, especially considering that a lot of people I used to know are brilliant.

And that's why I want to die. What's keeping me? Cowardice/SI and thinking about my family's pain.

 

[jellybelly4]

I've been depressed for a while and for a portion of that I didn't know what was wrong with me was actually depression. I've always been kinda sickly but as I've gotten older my health hasn't been too great because I'm poor and young lol. I had an ectopic pregnancy that resulted in me losing one of my fallopian tubes. Constant aches and pains from stress and anxiety. My wisdom teeth are killing me because I can't afford to get them out, not to mention constant fillings and jaw aches from grinding my teeth. Skin irritation that inflames my whole body from things I can't even identify sometimes. As a woman it eats away at my confidence due to how society tells women they're supposed to be. Numerous things play into this feeling and decision to want to die.

 

[JadedGray]

Oh I've never met a doc who considered a med not working as proof that it's jot psychosomatic. All it seems to prove to them is that I'm annoying and difficult to treat and maybe aren't trying hard enough. Never occurs to them to look at the actual success rates in the studies and notice that these drugs don't help the majority of people and that a large part of their effect is placebo.

That's true. Of course they didn't admit this. Too many doctors have a God complex and can never admit when they don't know something or are wrong about something.

 

[AutumnEmbers]

Shit personality developed by 30 years of narcissism/megalomania + actually pussing out before the slightest challenge. Latter also led to me dropping out of college and having no serious employable skills.

So I'm looking at a long life of menial work, no friends, no love/sex, no esteem from others, and a lot of painful memories. The good memories have become painful because they imply I wasted something.

Re: the narcissism/megalomania I wanted to do great things in life and even deluded myself into thinking I would. The reality is just too much to bear, especially considering that a lot of people I used to know are brilliant.

And that's why I want to die. What's keeping me? Cowardice/SI and thinking about my family's pain.

I could've written much of this myself. I too deluded myself into believing I was capable of achieving things I'm not. I had all these dreams and expectations for myself, but when it came to actually making an attempt at fulfilling them, I buckled at the first obstacle. Never was able to cope, never will be. Like you, I face a future of unfulfilling, low-paid work (if I'm able to work at all) and isolation, all the while being haunted by painful memories and my own self-loathing. I'm sorry you're in a similar boat.

 

[Roger]

Shit personality developed by 30 years of narcissism/megalomania + actually pussing out before the slightest challenge. Latter also led to me dropping out of college and having no serious employable skills.

So I'm looking at a long life of menial work, no friends, no love/sex, no esteem from others, and a lot of painful memories. The good memories have become painful because they imply I wasted something.

Re: the narcissism/megalomania I wanted to do great things in life and even deluded myself into thinking I would. The reality is just too much to bear, especially considering that a lot of people I used to know are brilliant.

And that's why I want to die. What's keeping me? Cowardice/SI and thinking about my family's pain.

Do you think we'll ever find the courage to do it ? Bad as things are right now, do we have to wait until they are even worse before the motivation absolutely overwhelms our sense of self preservation ?

 

[Weems]

I could've written much of this myself. I too deluded myself into believing I was capable of achieving things I'm not. I had all these dreams and expectations for myself, but when it came to actually making an attempt at fulfilling them, I buckled at the first obstacle. Never was able to cope, never will be. Like you, I face a future of unfulfilling, low-paid work (if I'm able to work at all) and isolation, all the while being haunted by painful memories and my own self-loathing. I'm sorry you're in a similar boat.

Do you think we'll ever find the courage to do it ? Bad as things are right now, do we have to wait until they are even worse before the motivation absolutely overwhelms our sense of self preservation ?

It really seems like I'm in the final spiral. Intense distress from the moment I wake up, stomach in knots, withdrawn, hygiene/diet/organization declining. Stopped working out a long time ago (used to lift).

I don't think I caught some illness. I think I just failed to become a functional person. I don't just regret many individual actions; I regret my whole way of being.

When I was a kid I got a pair of green anoles from a pet store. They're supposed to carry mostly females so this doesn't happen, but I seemed to get two males. They immediately fought, lunging at each other and extending their dewlaps. The defeated male curled up in a corner, stopped eating, and died. That's me.

 

[AutumnEmbers]

It really seems like I'm in the final spiral. Intense distress from the moment I wake up, stomach in knots, withdrawn, hygiene/diet/organization declining. Stopped working out a long time ago (used to lift).

I don't think I caught some illness. I think I just failed to become a functional person. I don't just regret many individual actions; I regret my whole way of being.

When I was a kid I got a pair of green anoles from a pet store. They're supposed to carry mostly females so this doesn't happen, but I seemed to get two males. They immediately fought, lunging at each other and extending their dewlaps. The defeated male curled up in a corner, stopped eating, and died. That's me.

I'm sorry you're in such severe distress. I can feel myself sinking deeper into my misery with every passing day, and hope to end it all before I completely deteriorate.

My inability to cope does partly stem from mental illness, but it started young and hindered my ability to develop the necessary personal/emotional skills required to be a successful, functioning adult. In particular, I lack resilience, self-discipline and the courage to face my problems instead of avoiding them. The mistakes I made in life were very much a product of this i.e. of who I am as a person (which is basically a very mentally weak individual). So yes, I too regret my whole way of being.

I know that I don't know you, but for what it's worth, I don't think you're a defeated anole. Also, I'm sorry about your anole.