Venting pure venting

[sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft]

sn will arrive to me approximately the next monday and basically all preparations will be completed and i will only have to do the final step. but im so scared. couple months back i started receiving signs from god again. iknow now that previously i was not mistaken and it's true that there's no further life predestined for me. ive lost everyone except for 1 person who has her own life and i just can't burden her with myself. im alone.my academic life is in shambles, im close to getting expelled from the university ive put so much effort into getting in. ii want help i think but i feel like everything's doomed and if i stay it will become unbearable but im scared and i feel guilty. but there is no one i can talk to no one that will listen or help. it feels like a dead end. i don't think i *want* death but there is no other choice simply. it's either death or something worse. god I wish you just killed me in my sleep, why would you torture and laugh at me like that again and again?

 

[derpyderpins]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this much sadness.

You want help and don't want death. . . if there's only one person in your life then there are no expectations you have to meet besides your own regarding Uni. When you think of getting "help," what do you think of?

I honestly don't believe in God anymore but a Christian will tell you your suffering is all part of a greater plan you can't understand and the next life is far more important than this one.

 

[ArteriesBindEveryon]

sn will arrive to me approximately the next monday and basically all preparations will be completed and i will only have to do the final step. but im so scared. couple months back i started receiving signs from god again. iknow now that previously i was not mistaken and it's true that there's no further life predestined for me. ive lost everyone except for 1 person who has her own life and i just can't burden her with myself. im alone.my academic life is in shambles, im close to getting expelled from the university ive put so much effort into getting in. ii want help i think but i feel like everything's doomed and if i stay it will become unbearable but im scared and i feel guilty. but there is no one i can talk to no one that will listen or help. it feels like a dead end. i don't think i *want* death but there is no other choice simply. it's either death or something worse. god I wish you just killed me in my sleep, why would you torture and laugh at me like that again and again?

You ordered SN but don't want death? Don't take it then, and cancel the order if you can lest someone find out and put you in a psych ward. What brought you to this point? What are these signs from God you're talking about?

 

[sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft]

You ordered SN but don't want death? Don't take it then, and cancel the order if you can lest someone find out and put you in a psych ward. What brought you to this point? What are these signs from God you're talking about?

i dont want life but it doesnt mean i want death.and ive already had unfortunately unsuccessful attempts and been to a psych ward, but when youre not mentally ill in that sense and just speak truth psychiatry can help you. i just know i have to do that because my purpose in this world is completed and im already dead in a universal state like im not needed anymore. and signs have been obvious for several years now and they reappeared recently, i just know its not coincidental. i may sound crazy but it is true, j know it is so its of little matter whether i want to die or not

I'm so sorry you are feeling this much sadness.

You want help and don't want death. . . if there's only one person in your life then there are no expectations you have to meet besides your own regarding Uni. When you think of getting "help," what do you think of?

I honestly don't believe in God anymore but a Christian will tell you your suffering is all part of a greater plan you can't understand and the next life is far more important than this one.

i dont know really. I know in my place at point where things are already fixed, little help can be expected. maybe i just want to feel understood and to be at peace with it all

 

[ArteriesBindEveryon]

i just know i have to do that because my purpose in this world is completed and im already dead in a universal state like im not needed anymore.

What purpose is that? What did you complete?

 

[sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft]

What purpose is that? What did you complete?

I don't know, how would i? i just know that whatever it was it's done now

 

[ArteriesBindEveryon]

I don't know, how would i? i just know that whatever it was it's done now

I feel like if you accomplished your life's purpose, it'd be pretty obvious. I'm not telling you you're obligated to stick around, but if you don't feel you're ready to cease to exist, then don't do it. You're not obligated to kill yourself either.