Pure unbridled white hot searing agony

[ScornedStoic]

There are no words to express the depth of pain in my soul.

I long so much harder than I ever have to die. For the first time in my many years of being suicidal the void actually doesn't scare me. I want it. I'm scared of how long it will take to finally ctb. I can't stand any more days. The agony is unbearable and omnipresent. I must escape, the pain is overwhelming in every sense.

There are a multitude of reasons that I was already suicidal but I just finally recieved full confirmation that the one girl I ever loved and that ever loved me has completely moved on and is in a serious relationship with someone else. The feeling in my heart is indescribable. It's been ripped out and I can feel the cavity. Breathing is impossible.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly can be so torturous and it really sounds like you've suffered a lot so I hope that you find the freedom that you search for. I certainly hate how in this hellish world it's so difficult to die, it's really cruel how those who want to die cannot just pass away in peace without struggle.