Premonition Part 1: Freedom

[samsara_96]

Welcome back, for the last time everybody! I am preparing to use the SN method on 22th of August. This site has been down in Turkey for the recent months and now it is back online. So, I wanted to come back. Now, the last time I thought that it would be wise to delete this account completely before I go but, I feel completely unheard and I do not want to leave any letters behind other than simply wishes. The people who refused to listen to me when I was alive do not deserve to read my thoughts after I am gone. They are not deserving of it but I still want to leave behind a trace of my existence even if it is online. Hence, I started writing a very long letter that I will share here. The first part is quite philosophical. The reason behind that is that I came to realize I would actually stay alive if I had felt free most of my life, but I lived a life of a slave just like so many of you. My terrible existence has been spent in a toxic family, terrible schools and terrible work places. Feel free to ignore this letter if you despise reading posts like this. And, one last thing, I feel like I am a completely different person now since I last visited here. Now, I am more calm as I was terribly anxious back then. My soul is now in tranquility and my body will also reach that state in two weeks and my mind will hopefully be destroyed. The reason why I call my last letter premonition will become clear in later parts.

Be warned that the logic flaw of my letter can be weak as I always struggled with that even in school.

"I have never thought, for my part, that man's freedom consists in his being able to do whatever he wills, but that he should not, by any human power, be forced to do what is against his will."
Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Welcome to the lengthy letter that I want to leave behind as a trace of my existence. My time has truly come now. In two week's time, my existence will be reduced to its material dimension by turning into a cold corpse. This year has been the year of revelations for me. My whole life has been shown before my eyes as if I was given a life review. There have been so many times that I have been wronged, but, more painfully, so many more moments that I have wronged others. I begged the Gods and the Creator to excuse me for my mistakes and end my pain and now their response is clear to me: I need to do it myself.

You might wonder why I have not done it previously when I claimed that I was going to do it. The first reason is because my sister had changed her travel plans back then, but now she is certainly going on a trip to Cyprus on 16th of August. I must take this chance of freeing my soul from its cage which we call the body. Honestly speaking, there are so many books and documentaries that I would love to have finished before I start my next journey. But I decided to let go of my desire to attain earthly wisdom –and, moreover, that decision is the main reason why 2024 was my year of revelations. Never would I have guessed that sinless self-image of mine was a sham hiding my petty attachment to this world, the intellect. Luckily, it is clear to me now that the human intellect is the biggest culprit behind this consumerist hell that we are forced to exist in. It is hard to look at a scientist, a doctor, or an engineer and accuse them of corrupting the world unless the individual has indulged in a crime but that is the biggest mistake we are making today. The schools and universities are the ones that have poisoned the human existence to this degree. As a matter of fact, no other system that came before this tortured its subjects to this degree. Ever since we switched to knowledge economies, a war has been declared on the nature itself. Hundreds of millions killed, waters poisoned, forests gone, billions entrapped in a rat race, kids being entrapped in schools, humans at each other's throats, any feeling of belonging to a community destroyed, human existence being reduced to its atoms…

I still have this wonderful dream in me where everyone, including nature, can attain peace of mind but to reach that state, we must first give back everyone their natural freedom. Freedom here is not used in a materialistic way which is usually pushed down our throats through education and media but in a non-materialistic way. The freedom of the soul is what truly matters. And I believe that Rousseau's quote above perfectly sums up the freedom of the soul.

The freedom of the body is doing whatever we want. Moreover, since the body is the lowest dimension of our existence and can be thought to be similar to Freud's concept of id, it is the driving force behind consumerism. When, you think of freedom in terms of the body, the dog-eat-dog economy gets justified. Since, we have finite resources and freedom is doing what you want, only a few select individuals should have freedom, they often exclaim. And then, they go on to claim that since the intellect is what makes humans "superior" to other beings, the smart ones are the most valuable beings and only they are worthy of freedom. Yet, these Darwinist fools, who cannot even explain why uselessness exist, mistakes categories for ordinal data. Because they are different than some other form of existence, they start to believe that there must be a comparison between them which indulges them in a feeling of envy, trying to outdo every other existence as if there is a competition of being. However, what they keep failing to see is you can only have a comparison if there is an end picture in your mind. If the whole purpose of existence is multiplying our material wealth, sure they can claim to be superior to lazy people, artists, athletes, animals, trees and so on… But, if that is not the end goal, how is it possible to claim superiority over others due to your intellect? Let's say the purpose of existence is purifying our souls as claimed by many religions, would not this make all the technocrats the most inferior considering how they treat and belittle others? Or what if the whole purpose of existence is just to exist without any deeper meaning, would not this make the lazy the most superior and those ant-like studious people the guiltiest?

The reality is that we do not know how our existence will end, and we will never know it. We do not even know the mechanisms behind our existence. Maybe the ancient religions were right and multiple Gods are governing our existence through skies, or Abrahamic religions could be right and there is a God sending everybody to Hell or Heaven, or Eastern Religions could be right about reincarnation processes. Yet, the only people who can answer this question are already dead. Furthermore, the only way to know for sure is by joining them. And the impending last scene of human existence differs greatly according to each and every one of belief systems. So, how can economists claim so boldly that the only faith of human existence is being a productive being multiplying the wealth of humans every day? Do they have a type of wisdom that has not been revealed to anyone else? It is even funnier when you think about how their economic system has failed at least 4 times in the last 30 years. How is it that we must hate every belief system with every atom in our body except the materialistic one when their system has been the most corrupting, most painful and most fragile? Even the Earth itself cannot support their childish version of freedom and happiness and now they are dragging down the whole world into a Nuclear Armageddon because of that. It is sad that I have spent 25 years of my life as a proud member of science-worshippers. If only I had known how foolish we were, maybe I would not be where I am today.

Moving on to the freedom of the mind… Now, the mind is often the hardest to entrap but unfortunately, we live in times when this is a reality. The thoughts of everyone are being shaped through schools and media. The intellectual and media empire of the Anglo-Saxons is the main reason why nobody can speak loudly against the technocrats. If anyone dares mentioning the points that I raised above, academy and media will reduce you to a crazy conspiracy theorist. Dismissing your worries as paranoia. However, the freedom of the mind is necessary to set the soul free. As the soul can only move as far as the mind can imagine. However, it is not sufficient as the mind is alive by itself. Everything else is an illusion. It is a prison entrapping a person through their own free will where the body and the soul have no choice but to comply. The isolation of the body might be bearable for some, and it might even be considered desirable in some cases. Regardless, the most painful is the mind forcing the soul to live in a relative isolation from other souls. Through this the mind becomes the most efficient place to kill the humanity for it is the place where the laments of the body and soul had been buried, silenced for the sake of the mind. That is why, the mind can even become more dangerous than the body. The body can be foolish, yet the mind can be devilish, stripping us from our compassion and pity and turning us into sin machines. The mind also helped the technocrats to make up excuses that I listed above. Because these people are so deeply lost in their mind that they live in a relative isolation from others. Their soul cannot even identify other souls. Furthermore, the whole Western thought is build on this. Descartes perfectly illustrates a person swimming deeply in the egotistical ocean of the mind, perplexed about the existence of other minds.

The soul is different from body and the mind. The soul is not interested in wealth any more than the body which entrapped it needs because the soul can travel to places so much better than this ugly Earth. Thus, the soul does not need a hierarchy of existence through which millions will lose their dignity and turn into means to help technocrats reach their end. The soul is also not cruel like the mind because the soul can interact with other souls. The soul has compassion which means that it is undesirable for it to reduce other to means to reach its own end. The soul can only be happy when everybody else it interacts with is an end in themselves. Otherwise, the soul will fall sick failing to reach places that it would otherwise. The soul knows that it cannot be happy by itself, and happiness is only attainable when nobody has a fear of being left behind. This is why the freedom of the soul is necessary to attain my dream of peace.

The biggest problem is nobody even recognizes souls anymore. We have killed our souls when we tried to kill God to build our knowledge economies in which a promise for infinite growth was made. A form of God remained, and it is being worshiped by a handful of remaining religious people, but those Gods are not any better than the worldview of scientific atheists. Because God has also lost its soul. God is now as heartless as the technocrats that rule over us. It is not capable of forgiveness or unconditional love. It only punishes others for not conforming to the rules of society. Hence, foolish humans turned God into a monster while they were trying to kill it for their selfish desires. We are left with two choices now: follow the stone-hearted God and believe in a two-dimensional existence (body and the mind) or reduce your whole existence to a single dimension.

I will continue this tomorrow and in the part 2, I want to talk more about my life. I will try to keep the details as minimal as possible because I do not want people that I know find this account but I want to be honest with you because people here are one of the few remaining ones who will understand where I am coming from.


P.S. Please kindly inform me if I need to post this somewhere else.

 

[samsara_96]

I am back with part 2. I decided to keep all the parts in one thread because that is easier to manage. I originally wanted to talk about my life but later I changed my idea. It is better if I first explain my outlook on life and then, talk about my memories.

Part 2: Yin and Yang or the Tripartite

"There are ships sailing to many ports, but not a single one goes where life is not painful."
Fernando Pessoa

It is not surprising that religions often view our existence as a prelude to a different state of being, given that each life seem like a tragedy in the making. It is as if the Creator is playing a trick on us, tripping us up when we least expect it. I have come to believe that life is a maze, with its center passing through great pain. Furthermore, if you seek a meaningful and complete life, you will inevitably encounter this center, regardless of your occupation, nationality, ethnicity, wealth, or income. Clearly, no one would want to admit that tragedy might be the ultimate end of existence. As a defense mechanism, we develop the idea that, upon completing this maze called life, we will be set free in a different dimension, away from our Solar System. I will not take a definitive position on whether another state exists or if tragedy is the final end in this part. This discussion will not address the problem of the afterlife but will focus on the pains we encounter in the maze of life. Only then can we consider the question of the afterlife.

As I mentioned in Part 1, this year I experienced a mental state akin to a comprehensive life review. It began when my sister canceled her trip plans, which forced me to abandon my CTB plans because I live with her and didn't want her to find my corpse. My only recourse until then had been to beg God to take my life. Clearly, He did not grant my wish. Instead, what I believe He did was turn me into a living corpse by giving me a life review. Many of my forgotten memories resurfaced, bringing a wave of emotions. Initially, one of the most intense emotions was anger; I couldn't believe how cruel others had been to me. Eventually, I began receiving almost divine visions that repeatedly showed me these painful memories from others' perspectives. My anger and pain gradually transformed into forgiveness and understanding through these images.

Following these painful memories, I confronted my own cruelty towards others. Unsurprisingly, the coldness I had criticized in others was also a part of me. The people I encountered were like mirrors in the maze of my life, reflecting back my own shadow self. Forgiving this shadow self was the hardest part. Ironically, my first reaction was to seek ways to time travel and undo my mistakes. However, the only path forward was to accept my flawed self. Embracing my imperfections led to a sense of humility. I also began to relinquish traits I once took pride in, such as my intelligence and altruism, which I now recognize as bordering on a savior complex.

Reflecting on what I went through, I've noticed that the pain inflicted by others often inflates our ego by encouraging self-pity. We indulge in a victim complex, crafting an epic where the wronged underdog rises above everyone else. In this narrative, the protagonist—ourselves—becomes the Messiah because we have been wronged, not because we have wronged. Thus, these pains resemble the concept of Yang. At first glance, they seem benevolent, supposedly increasing our resilience, making us like a Phoenix reborn. Yet, beneath this facade lies a dark spot: our pride (amour de soi). This spot feeds our ego, which manipulates the mind to transform us into everything we once despised. The mind uses these painful memories to isolate us from others, constructing a self-image rooted in personal epics. We then use this corrupted self-image to justify our own poor behavior. For example, we might excuse immoral actions by saying, 'It wasn't so bad because I've been through so much,' a familiar refrain for many. In the epic we create for ourselves, only the protagonist is a fully realized human; everyone else plays the role of sidekicks, helping the 'good guy' fulfill their purpose.

On the other hand, the pain we inflict on others is profoundly humiliating when we reflect on it. Even if we don't realize it at first, when the soul no longer allows the mind to make excuses for its superiority complex, this kind of pain begins to overwhelm us with shame. We might resist acknowledging our own moral inferiority, but a thorough life review is unavoidable. Even if we avoid it in life, many Near-Death Experience (NDE) accounts suggest that we undergo a life review after death. Most people who 'return' to life report experiencing this review, and while consciousness beyond that is uncertain, the existence of the life review itself seems consistent. Facing your own flaws during such a review is one of the most humiliating experiences one can encounter. This experience can cure you of a savior complex and extinguish the fire of pride (amour de soi). In fact, solving the maze of life often requires this process. Only then can you navigate the paths that reveal the divinity in every living being and break free from the trap. Thus, these pains are akin to the concept of Yin. Initially, they lead to depression and self-loathing, but as you confront and work through them, you reach a liberating state of mind previously unknown. This state frees the soul by revealing that all existence is equal in divinity, even if physical equality remains unattainable.

The perceived self contains both types of pain, and there is a continual struggle between these painful memories within our memory faculty. As this internal conflict unfolds, different parts of the self may occasionally identify with the most dominant collection of memories. However, as our memory continuously revisits its catalogue, the 'winners' of this internal struggle will keep changing, leading to a fragmentation of the perceived self into distinct pieces. At times, yin-like memories may prevail, causing you to feel like a Messiah lamenting the suffering you've endured. This may fill you with a determination to change the world, envisioning an end of history where all suffering ceases and only Heaven remains. Conversely, at other times, you may feel like Buddha, horrified by the persistent presence of pain in this realm. You might feel powerless against the balance between Heaven and Hell and find yourself surrendering to the process. Your only hope for peace might be to quiet your own mind rather than attempting to change the world, as efforts to erase today's pains will only lead to their resurfacing in different forms.

Similar to Part 1, we must now examine how our three dimensions interact with the perceived self. The easiest to explain is the body's perceived self, as the body simply needs to be awake to perceive itself. A quick glance in the mirror reveals the body's appearance. Furthermore, the perceived self of the body is the least fragmented because the body changes slowly. No one can alter their body-self so quickly that it disrupts their whole self-perception. This is likely why we begin forming our perceived self starting with the body. Most children identify primarily with their appearance or behavior. You won't find a child identifying with political or religious ideas, as the perceived self of the mind and soul has not yet been fully conceptualized.

Once the body has a sense of itself, the mind can begin to perceive itself. The mind builds upon the foundation provided by the body. Since the body is cold and emotionless, it doesn't deeply care about its ailments or appearance; it merely holds knowledge of them without making strong judgments. In contrast, the mind is alive even if alone and is the self's harshest critic. Here, the pains of the body start to take on meaning.

The mind's first judgment of the body's self-perception is an exception to the yin and yang rule I mentioned earlier. This is because our entire life gains significance based on the foundation laid by the body. Consequently, the mind's initial judgment of incurable diseases and bodily suffering can be seen as Yin-pains. These pains often result in self-hatred upon first encounter which often humbles down the self. For instance, victims of school bullying often carry a sense of humility and kindness throughout their lives. When the foundational experience is shaky, it leads to persistent feelings of self-hatred and guilt, making it challenging to escape these emotions. However, acknowledging one's own inferiority as compared to the Universe using these emotions can help in connecting with one's soul.

On the other hand, physical assaults the body inflicts upon others are perceived as Yang-pains considering the mind's first ever judgment. These actions make the bully feel superior to their victims, creating a foundation for an inflated ego. Later in life, the bully might find the world painful because their inflated ego leads them to perceive everything as an affront. Consequently, they may frequently boast about their struggles while belittling the pain of others. The Messiah self is strongest for people like these.

Once the mind has made the perception of the body meaningful, it must then attend to the subtle hints conveyed by the soul through dreams and intuition. The soul, although waiting for the mind to form a perception, cannot allow the mind to create a self perception that is incompatible with its own essence. The soul communicates with the mind through dreams and intuition, as it lacks other channels until it has a perception of itself—something that depends on the mind's perception of itself.

Here it's important to note that we sleep for about six hours each day. Even if we do not dream continuously for those six hours, our dreams represent a significant part of our consciousness during those hours. Dreams constitute roughly 25% of our conscious life. Therefore, the mind cannot disregard the demands of the soul, as it cannot ignore such a substantial portion of our consciousness. The soul's hints often relate to our past lives, destiny, and divine wisdom (which I will address in another part). Consequently, the mind must interpret these divine aspects within the framework it has already established.

At this stage, the self may begin to fragment, especially if there is a conflict between the indicated destiny of the soul and the meaningful perception of the body. These fragmentations are likely to increase as the mind begins to reflect on itself, a process that often starts around puberty.

The mind uses the faculty of imagination to perceive itself and must first master this faculty. To achieve this, it needs a solid foundation. Thus, a child's mind doesn't have a perception of itself because it, focused on assigning meaning to the body and the soul, lacks the necessary foundation and, therefore, cannot fully control its imagination until it develops abstraction skills around puberty. These abstraction skills are essentially the ability to direct the faculty of imagination according to the mind's will.

As the mind begins to harness imagination, it creates an ideal self. In other words, the mind generates our hopes, aspirations, and expectations. It also directs the body and soul to strive towards this ideal self, attempting to align our entire existence with this perception, thus entrapping the body and soul in the process. However, feedback from outside can lead to adjustments in the mind's perception of itself. Each negative experience can create a mismatch between the self and the ideal self, resulting in further fragmentation of the self.

When perception becomes too fragmented, it can lead to mental disorders, and the mind may attempt to destroy what it perceives as the source of fragmentation. Yet, because the mind is finite and cannot survive death, it will retract this destructive impulse when the body attempts to carry it out. In actuality, what the mind seeks to destroy is not itself but everything else. However, the mind lacks the power to impose its will on the external world or to transform or annihilate existence. As a result, it creates a complex maze from which the self must be rescued.

The mind is often unaware of how it has created this painful maze by chasing unattainable realities and fragmenting its perception of the self. As a result, the mind finds itself trapped in a prison of its own making: it simultaneously yearns for destruction to end the relentless pain and struggles to stay alive to avoid its impending demise. To delay its inevitable end and alleviate its suffering, even momentarily, the mind strives to leave behind a positive legacy. In fact, the ideal self it constructs is also an attempt to fulfill this goal. Nevertheless, the mind prefers non-existence over leaving behind a negative legacy.

The fundamental issue for the mind is its inability to survive death. In this sense, I agree that the self, as the rational, thinking part of us, cannot persist after death. I doubt that the thinking identity of the person that I am can continue to exist after two weeks if I follow through with my plans. What may remain are merely stories about me and perhaps the fragments of my mind's self that deeply affected my soul. The mind, confused by the soul's infinity (which I will explain later) and the body's persistence (as atoms cannot be fully destroyed according to the law of conservation of mass), may attempt to drag these elements down with it. Consequently, the mind's attempts to perceive itself, which have led to fragmentation in the perceived self, will leave marks on the body and the soul, influencing their self-perception. For example, if the mind asks the body for a tattoo, it alters the material perception of the self.

To explain how the mind alters the soul, I need to delve into the soul's self-perception. However, this discussion is becoming too lengthy, and my concept of the soul remains somewhat vague. Therefore, I will conclude this part here.

 

[sugarb]

Jokes aside, I really like this and am excited for part 3. You're a good writer.

 

[landslide2]

Education inherently is a wonderful thing. The problem is that it is now driven as you say by capitalist economies. I have spent most of my life teaching math, but I would always tell my students that the humanities are critical because without literature, art, history, philosophy we understand ourselves less. We are defined now only as being 'productive' and as earning potential, which by and large is now to make a tiny subset much wealthier. While the majority must forever fear for their livelihoods until they die, let alone have time to enjoy the earth, nature, hobbies, one another...

All of this growth, more growth, profits, stock price, billionaires, demand more growth, more buying, more selling, accumulating junk, has been a cancer on the earth and a cancer on the human being. I even remarked that if I could have gone back to my own education, I would've done humanities. And that all this focus purely on stem is also creating a world of robots. But i do believe the younger generation is awake to this sad state and is trying to rebel but these economic systems require massive changes.

 

[Necrosis]

View attachment 147609
Jokes aside, I really like this and am excited for part 3. You're a good writer.

This made me cackle, I completely agree.

 

[samsara_96]

I'm finally back with Part 3. This part is extremely compact and it might sound crazy at times. I wanted to refine it but I'm running out of time and the most important part (my life) is still missing. I need to start working on that as soon as possible. I also wanted to have more parts but I don't have time for that anymore. This week has been really busy for me and I had a food poisoning on Friday. I barely managed to write this one.

Here, we delve deeper into the concept of soul and I shortly mention what to expect or hope towards the end.

Part 3: The Fallen Angels

"Nothing is really beautiful unless it is useless; everything useful is ugly for it expresses a need."
Oscar Wilde

As I write this, a fiery war is unfolding between BRICS and the Transatlantic Community. The philosophical casus belli is the curse bestowed upon the world by Abrahamic religions: the end of history. Following the fall of the Soviet Union, the liberal West declared the end of history, citing the works of Francis Fukuyama. However, what is becoming increasingly evident as the war drags on is that the only end here awaits the ideological legacy originating from Abraham.

Abrahamic religions revolve around a beautiful dream known as the apocalypse. While variations of this dream exist, the basic idea remains consistent: time is progressive, and at its end, a paradise free from all pain will welcome the chosen ones. Therefore, it is somewhat unfair that British capitalism is shouldering the blame for the miseries of modernity, as it is merely carrying forward the flame passed to it through Christianity. I too have been guilty of this historical approach, as have many Jewish, Christian, and Muslim thinkers.

We mistakenly disrupt the balance of the world by assuming that there will be a point in time after which all "bad" will disappear. In fact, Kant's moral argument for the existence of God also hinges on this idea. According to Kant, we possess an inherent duty that guides us in distinguishing right from wrong. This duty lends validity to the concept of the highest good on Earth (or a paradisiacal end of history) for us. Consequently, he concludes that this unity of nature with morality must convince us of the existence of God. However, a closer examination reveals the incompatibility between the harmonious zero-sum game of the universe and the concept of the apocalypse.

Our universe is governed by the harmony between opposites, famously known as the yin-yang. All things exist in relation to their antipodes, and no form of existence can endure the loss of its counterpart without sacrificing itself. This harmony precludes the possibility of an end of history, as the absence of "bad" would imply the disappearance of equal amounts of "good." Instead, what we might observe is the Nova Effect: what seems good at one point in time may later be seen as bad, and vice versa. In other words, our judgment of experiences can only be made in hindsight, while the future remains a mystery. Furthermore, we encounter only things or events, not inherently "good" or "bad" things/events. This reveals how the idea of the apocalypse was always destined to undermine the soul.

The problem with the notion of an end of history lies in assigning a usefulness value to all existence based on their contribution to that envisioned end. We touched on this idea in the first part as well. If one knows the ultimate end state of existence, this can serve as a reference point for determining which things are good and which are bad. Moreover, the degree of goodness or badness should also become clear. Today, we often rely on reason to make these determinations, as reason is frequently celebrated by our current masters, the Anglo-Saxons.

The contemporary envisioned end state for humanity is rooted in the secularized Anglo-Saxon interpretation of the apocalypse: humans becoming the masters of nature through the refinement of their reason (based on Aristotelian logic), with nature constantly adapting to the new status of humanity. In other words, rather than humans striving to control their lower desires, nature is expected to modify itself to indefinitely fulfill those desires.

This end state remains out of reach. However, people anticipate achieving it through science. This distinction sets modern science apart from ancient science, which, despite its limitations, was primarily a tool for understanding the truth. In contrast, modern science attempts to alter the truth itself. Consequently, modern science bears more resemblance to the religions of the Dark Ages and the ancient alchemy of China, India, and Egypt. The focus of modern science is on extending human life with the hope of achieving eternal life and generating wealth beyond nature's offerings. It does not consider whether these objectives align with the truth. Modern science foolishly engages in a form of doublethink: it both rejects the notion of a transcendental truth unifying our experiences and simultaneously claims that the problem of induction is solvable. Most troubling is the way people are assigned a usefulness value based on their scientific status.

As science is deemed essential for reaching the purported heaven on Earth, our existence is quantified based on its alignment with scientific progress. This quantification determines our perceived usefulness. The only exception to this are a few banking dynasties, who effectively rule the world. These families, while not actively participating in the scientific conquest of nature, benefit from the goals they set and thus believe they enjoy a form of heaven on Earth prematurely. Everyone else's value is reflected in wages and wealth. Jobs that are more scientific command higher pay, and families with a history of high-paying scientific jobs accumulate greater wealth.

This emphasis on usefulness diminishes the soul, as our soul, along with God and true beauty, is considered inherently useless. To elaborate, both the harmony of the universe and our souls, as well as the concept of God, are fundamentally opposed to the idea of usefulness and thus, to the idea of an end of history.

Now that we've discussed what has killed the soul, we can move on to how to rediscover it or understand how the soul perceives itself. To explore the soul, we need to borrow from Kant's ideas on aesthetics and duty. However, rather than seeking an end, we will search for a beginning.

A common theme in modern spirituality is the belief that we choose our lives. While I don't subscribe to this notion, I do believe that all souls enter this world with an inherent sense of beauty. In a sense, we are like fallen angels: born into this world with amnesia, striving to recover the memory of a beautiful heaven. Every soul seems to have a glimpse of overwhelming beauty that they yearn for throughout their lives. This longing is so intense that we spend our brief time on Earth in pursuit of it. Our lives are spent trying to manifest this beauty in the material world. Yet, despite our efforts, no matter where we look or what changes we make, that beauty remains elusive.

Here, we must challenge Kant's idea that there is unity between nature and our duty, because there is not. Instead, our duty is to unite nature with our beautiful memory. The most crucial aspect of this duty is that it is our destiny. Cursed humans have no choice but to pursue that fading memory, as it holds the key to actualizing the self and fulfilling our destiny.

To have a destiny means to become an end in itself rather than merely existing as a means. We all possess a destiny that is communicated to the mind through the soul. As previously mentioned, even if the soul cannot directly perceive itself before the mind, it influences the mind through intuition and dreams. The destiny of beauty is conveyed to the mind as a vague idea. Any materialistic implications associated with this idea early in life likely stem from the soul's previous earthly experiences.

In response, the mind uses its imagination to create possible worldly scenarios or selves that might help materialize these beautiful dreams while avoiding nightmares. This process results in the formation of the first ideal self, which is based on the soul's beautiful dreams. The role of the body is to bring these selves into reality through action. If the body fails to materialize these selves, or if the materialization is rejected by the soul, the mind becomes fragmented. Consequently, the mind must generate excuses for its failures and create another ideal self. This cycle continues until death, if only minor fragmentations occur, or until the mind can no longer cope and requests that the soul also become fragmented.

Among the components of the self, the soul is the most stubborn. In contrast, the body is adept at change. The body's ability to adapt is so seamless that its fluidity often goes unnoticed by the self, except in instances of accident or surgery. The mind also undergoes frequent changes, but these changes can lead to problems, particularly when there is a mismatch between the body and the soul. Rather than altering itself, the soul often demands modifications from the body and mind, leading to their fragmentation. When such adjustments are not possible, the soul itself must change, which fundamentally disrupts the self. However, it is at the point when the soul considers fragmentation that it also becomes perceivable.

When the self begins to fracture due to the soul (which happens during consideration period), our duty or destiny starts to emerge through the cracks. The beautiful dream of unconditional love, unrestricted freedom, and everlasting safety becomes conscious once more. In this dream, everyone is kind and as beautiful as imaginable. The self then confronts its fallen angel status, and the sense of "I" begins to experience the non-material aspect of itself. It remembers what it could have been but cannot become. What has been directing the self unconsciously until now can finally be examined consciously. However, this realization comes at a steep price: suicide. This is because, upon reflection, the infinite soul may choose to inhabit another body capable of realizing its beautiful dream.

The soul is infinite because it stands in contrast to the body, which is persistent and temporal. The soul embodies the warmth of life but remains motionless, whereas the body, though cold, is dynamic. The harmonious dance between the body and the soul creates the mind. When this dance ceases, the mind must vanish, completely forgotten. However, the mind can linger through the use of its experiences by the soul as fragments to guide its next embodiment. Consequently, the soul has little interest in continuing a dance it no longer desires, as it can always find a new partner whenever it wishes. Thus, the soul's second response to change is to escape.

While the soul can escape, the mind cannot. Betrayed by the soul's decision, the mind sinks deeper into an existential crisis, heartbroken by its impending end. Yet, the soul's call cannot be ignored. Rather than relinquishing its beautiful dream, the soul will escape even if it forces the mind to delve deeper into realms of imagination. When the imagined self becomes unreachable by the body due to these deeper explorations, the soul will override the mind's desire to stay alive. This results in two outcomes for the individual: suicide or an interminable wait for death.

Before I finish this part, I will revisit the concept of usefulness and the soul as there is only one part left where I will only talk about my life. I wanted to do more parts but as I'm running out of time, I need to bring clarity to this concept here.

The soul cannot be compelled to be useful within this Universe because it does not pursue or fantasize about an end that can be materialized within a zero-sum game. A zero-sum game implies that if one person gains more, someone else must lose, even if the gain does not directly harm the other. Politicians understand this concept well, as Kenneth Waltz has elucidated. We live in a world where the only way to improve one's standing often involves stepping on others. This implies turning others into mere means so that you can continue pursuing the useless beautiful dream of your soul, through which you hope to become an end in yourself. However, this damages the soul, as being a means renders one ugly. Living merely as a means implies that you will never actualize your destiny, or that you will never reach beauty. Thus, it is ugly. And no soul can achieve an end by itself when it reduces others to being ugly.

Our souls exist in connection with others. Compassion resides within the soul because our souls are interconnected. Compassion involves using that connection to understand other souls. Thus, when one soul suffers, others begin to suffer as well. True happiness for a soul can only be achieved when all connected souls share in that happiness. In other words, the beautiful dream of the soul can only be realized if everyone can partake in it. However, the zero-sum nature of our universe prevents this. If only we had a positive-sum game, we could share the extra utility among ourselves and attain a heaven on Earth. But this is not possible. We must accept that this universe is not the promised Heaven and cannot be transformed into one (nor is it the Hell). Equal amounts of pain and happiness must always coexist. Nevertheless, there are still actions we can take.

Stillness, being compatible with the nature of the universe, appears to be the only way out of this rabbit hole. This means refraining from harming others or forcibly helping them. Instead, help only when explicitly asked. In other words, do not impose your will on the external world. Communicate to your soul that this universe is not aligned with its passions, and that its directives to the mind will only lead to mental distress. Despite this, nurture your soul by becoming part of a loving and supportive community. As I've mentioned, the soul requires connections with others to truly exist. In fact, these connections are the closest remnants of Heaven we have.

All that being said, I recognize that achieving this ideal is impossible in our current modernity. Perhaps the first step should be convincing others of this reality and encouraging a revolt against the banking dynasties. However, this itself is a monumental task. My personal approach will be to first leave this body, as it no longer serves me. Next, I will implore whatever forces exist to never send me back to this world. If that fails, I will request to be placed in a different timeline. Should that also prove unfeasible, I will ask for a simple life in a small, supportive village. As a final resort, I will repeat these steps from the beginning.

 

[sugarb]

In a sense, we are like fallen angels: born into this world with amnesia, striving to recover the memory of a beautiful heaven. Every soul seems to have a glimpse of overwhelming beauty that they yearn for throughout their lives. This longing is so intense that we spend our brief time on Earth in pursuit of it. Our lives are spent trying to manifest this beauty in the material world. Yet, despite our efforts, no matter where we look or what changes we make, that beauty remains elusive.

Here, we must challenge Kant's idea that there is unity between nature and our duty, because there is not. Instead, our duty is to unite nature with our beautiful memory. The most crucial aspect of this duty is that it is our destiny. Cursed humans have no choice but to pursue that fading memory, as it holds the key to actualizing the self and fulfilling our destiny.

When the self begins to fracture due to the soul (which happens during consideration period), our duty or destiny starts to emerge through the cracks. The beautiful dream of unconditional love, unrestricted freedom, and everlasting safety becomes conscious once more. In this dream, everyone is kind and as beautiful as imaginable. The self then confronts its fallen angel status, and the sense of "I" begins to experience the non-material aspect of itself. It remembers what it could have been but cannot become. What has been directing the self unconsciously until now can finally be examined consciously. However, this realization comes at a steep price: suicide. This is because, upon reflection, the infinite soul may choose to inhabit another body capable of realizing its beautiful dream.

The soul is infinite because it stands in contrast to the body, which is persistent and temporal. The soul embodies the warmth of life but remains motionless, whereas the body, though cold, is dynamic. The harmonious dance between the body and the soul creates the mind. When this dance ceases, the mind must vanish, completely forgotten. However, the mind can linger through the use of its experiences by the soul as fragments to guide its next embodiment. Consequently, the soul has little interest in continuing a dance it no longer desires, as it can always find a new partner whenever it wishes. Thus, the soul's second response to change is to escape.

While the soul can escape, the mind cannot. Betrayed by the soul's decision, the mind sinks deeper into an existential crisis, heartbroken by its impending end. Yet, the soul's call cannot be ignored. Rather than relinquishing its beautiful dream, the soul will escape even if it forces the mind to delve deeper into realms of imagination. When the imagined self becomes unreachable by the body due to these deeper explorations, the soul will override the mind's desire to stay alive. This results in two outcomes for the individual: suicide or an interminable wait for death.

Glad to see part 3. I cut the above quote down to a sort of annotation; the parts I think are especially important.

I think you're really on to something here. I have memories of that "heaven" and my mind is very much heartbroken about its impending demise. I can feel the cold mechanics of my body in contrast to the liveliness of my soul. I sense the disjointedness between my dreams and the material world. I've been thinking of what you describe as the soul as just an "inner brain", but I think you're right. That's why my mind is the way it is, why I am the way I am, and why my only choices are waiting for death in an imperfect world I know to be imperfect or bringing it on quicker.

Thank you.

 

[samsara_96]

There won't be next part. I couldn't even start writing it. I had so many things to do in my last day and now I'm too hungry to even move. I'll probably use my last bit of energy for the attempt. But, the title was supposed to be "An Irresponsible Horror Show" for the next part. I wanted to talk about my life but I'm 3 and a half hours away from bus. However, the reason why I called my final letter premonition is because I always knew this would happen. Even when I was a kid, I knew I'd die at my own hands even when I wasn't suicidal. I always had this feeling that my life would never work out and it never did. I knew this would happen and it did. So, I'm not sad or happy. Just neutral because this is what was supposed to happen from the beginning.