Pre-plan open discussion w son

[jellyobit]

I've been desperate to carry out a plan my entire adult life (urges to die started around 8 or 9). Something always prevents me, an event, a new baby, new relationship. I'm at the point where I cannot justify waiting, despite my love for all these things. I am wondering, does anyone else think it should be acceptable to discuss one's wishes in advance. Depression after all is a disease, sometimes fatal. I'm thinking of opening a dialogue with my 14 year old as he is all I really care about. I would like to educate him and get to the point where he'll be understanding.

 

[dinosavr]

I was considering it once before, too, but I don't think it's a good idea. I wish it was, but the point of view of most people, a natural point of view, makes it impossible for them to understand. I'd rather explain it to my family in a suicide note so that I save them unnecessary stress before I decide to ctb. They are incredibly supportive but there's no way they would accept this decision. At the end of the day, human beings are selfish. It's in a human's DNA - desire to avoid suffering and especially anything related with death.

 

[Whale_bones]

While I can understand your desire for open communication, 14 is still a child. He is way too young for this kind of conversation, especially when it concerns his own parent, who he no doubt loves deeply. I have a son around your son's age, and I would only even consider talking about this subject with him if he was an adult.

As parents it's our number one job to protect our children, and it would be placing a huge burden on him to inform him of this. He'd likely be shocked and upset to hear someone he loves talking about their own death, yet he wouldn't be able to process those feelings with anyone. He wouldn't be able to talk to his other parent, other family members, friends, or anyone else about his feelings. Additionally, with the overwhelming societal attitude being that CTB is only a bad, terrible thing that can't be a rational choice, he would likely feel that it's his responsibility to somehow "help" you or tell someone who will "help" you, and if you told him he can't share this with anyone, he would feel incredibly conflicted.

I very much understand wishing you could share your true thoughts with the people in your life, and I know how isolating this is. But this is an adult topic that involves moral issues that are too advanced and heavy for a child.

 

[idontwantausername]

Should it be acceptable? Absolutely. Is it? Idk. It's a risk I do know that. You tell them they tell a teacher teachers are mandated reporters with hero complexes they call the police who kick your door down and drag you to a hospital. If I had kids the thing I would be most concerned about is taking care of them after I'm gone. As someone who did lose a parent to suicide at around that age, they'll eventually come to terms with the decision but they'll probably never be able to overcome the financial setback they'll be left in the wake of. My advice in this respect is financial planning and life insurance. I know what you're thinking "life insurance doesn't pay out in the event of suicide" (or if not you someone will say that) it's a Hollywood myth. It makes for compelling storytelling as to why a suicide had to be disguised but it isn't true. Most life insurance policies pay out in the event of suicide after a waiting period. Usually just 1-2 years. Just my two cents.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i've been prepared for my mom to die an early death my whole life. she 1st told me 'if it wasn't for u i would've kms by now' when i was around 12 or 13. she's always been v open w me abt anything & everything, & i also kinda already knew. it was def jarring to hear & sad, but it didn't completely alter or ruin the course of my life/me. maybe bc as i mentioned, i already kinda knew.

i'm 21 now & will prob die before her bc im kms soon, but i've long since accepted that my mom will die earlier than most moms. which was a good thing (for me) bc due to her behavior it'd happen eventually, so her being open abt wanting to die helped me accept that. idk if that makes sense, lol. prob not.

i think if she'd bothered actually trying to explain everything in depth, it'd have felt more educational instead of breakdown-y. lmao.