Two hungry flies are sat on a steaming dog turd and one lets out an eye watering fart. The other shouts "for fuck sake , I'm trying to eat my lunch here"
Everyday my 90 year old neighbour who has alzhiemers knocks on my door and asks me if I've seen his wife . And everyday I have to tell that 90 year old man his wife has been long dead . You know I have thought of not answering the door I have even thought about moving house . But you know it's worth it, each time just to see the smile on his face..
This bloke in the pub said to me, "Fuck me, that was a rough old bitch you were with last night, not a patch on the women I normally see you with, what on Earth ever possessed to take her out? " "I had to, " I replied, "it was our wedding anniversary.
I had the "sex talk" with my son today. I told him about the birds and the bees, the bees and the bees, the birds and the birds, the bees who want to be birds, the birds who want to be bees, the birdbees, the beebirds and... He seemed to really understand when I told him about wanking and whisky.