[Poll] When do you plan to ctb?

[Sixfeetunder]

And why?

 

[guildford91rs]

In 12 hours time as after that my life will start to fall apart as the consequences of some stupid decisions I made finally catch up with me

 

[StreamingMySuicide]

I'm almost finished getting my degree. I have 5 classes left. I'll finish before the end of the year if I want. I think I want to do what Christopher McCandless did.. well slightly. Finish college and do whatever the hell he wanted. So I think I'll finish school, get a degree, then CTB.

edit: I changed my mind.. I don't think I can make it that long. I'll probs be gone before July 2019.

 

[color_me_gone]

I want to exit by nitrogen / bag. I need to be covert, as I don't want my wife to know. I'm not in dire straits just yet, but I do want everything ready if / when I decide to go. I would prefer to use a respirator mask instead of the bag, because I fear the bag will work against my survival instincts. When I decide to ctb, I don't want to do it at home, because I don't want her to find me. Also, she probably couldn't stay in the house if I ctb here, and I don't want to disrupt her life anymore than I have to. So I will take my mask / gas setup in an old car, drive to some obscure remote location, and do the deed. I will lock the doors, so only emergency responders would deal with my corpse. The old car can be scrapped. The impact to society would be minimal. The obscure location would insure I get 40 minutes of interrupted time in insure death. I plan to hide the gas tank, and experiment with effectiveness of a respirator mask in my attic, which I have a partial floor. My wife would never come up there, as the ladder / space is too difficult for her to maneuver. I can experiment without having to hide stuff. I can all be out in the open, as only I ever go there. So I'm in no hurry, but want to do everything right.

 

[leaps]

Timing is everything

 

[Retched]

I'm too impulsive to know.

 

[littlelady774]

The sooner the better- but I'm afraid of pain or ending up as a vegetable

 

[HellinHeaven]

This year I will go to a psychological clinic (not psychiatry) again. There I'll be with other disturbed people, I am not alone and I cannot prevent to rise a little bit hope. But if they can't help me I'm just lost and don't wanna step into a next decade of pain. However I bought a festival ticket for the summer and it would be a pity to let it expire. So my plan, when autumn is coming and all the plants are preparing for winter, I will prepare for my travel, too.

 

[Deafsn0w]

I'm waiting till the time is right.

 

[Logic]

I'm almost finished getting my degree. I have 5 classes left. I'll finish before the end of the year if I want. I think I want to do what Christopher McCandless did.. well slightly. Finish college and do whatever the hell he wanted. So I think I'll finish school, get a degree, then CTB.

edit: I changed my mind.. I don't think I can make it that long. I'll probs be gone before July 2019.

Just make sure you finish your semester before you ctb. Ie if you back out or fail ctb in the middle of semester, it can have significant consequences. Just always keep that back door just in case.

 

[TheCrow]

I want to exit by nitrogen / bag. I need to be covert, as I don't want my wife to know. I'm not in dire straits just yet, but I do want everything ready if / when I decide to go. I would prefer to use a respirator mask instead of the bag, because I fear the bag will work against my survival instincts. When I decide to ctb, I don't want to do it at home, because I don't want her to find me. Also, she probably couldn't stay in the house if I ctb here, and I don't want to disrupt her life anymore than I have to. So I will take my mask / gas setup in an old car, drive to some obscure remote location, and do the deed. I will lock the doors, so only emergency responders would deal with my corpse. The old car can be scrapped. The impact to society would be minimal. The obscure location would insure I get 40 minutes of interrupted time in insure death. I plan to hide the gas tank, and experiment with effectiveness of a respirator mask in my attic, which I have a partial floor. My wife would never come up there, as the ladder / space is too difficult for her to maneuver. I can experiment without having to hide stuff. I can all be out in the open, as only I ever go there. So I'm in no hurry, but want to do everything right.

@TiredHorse, what are your thoughts about using a respirator mask?

 

[color_me_gone]

TheCrow
I started my own thread about using a respriator mask for inert gas. TiredHose already critiqued it in the thread. I will look it up and leave a link here. I wouldn't expect him to go through all that again. To be short - he was skeptical.

Here is the link to that thread, with TiredHorse's response:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...it-bag-for-critique-and-or-suggestions.10084/

 

[TheCrow]

TheCrow
I started my own thread about using a respriator mask for inert gas. TiredHose already critiqued it in the thread. I will look it up and leave a link here. I wouldn't expect him to go through all that again. To be short - he was skeptical.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Everything I've read advises against it. Could you practice wearing the bag beforehand to get used to it? Close your eyes when using it for real perhaps? I'm just going to focus on where I'm going next. My god, we're really gonna do this.

 

[TiredHorse]

I started my own thread about using a respriator mask for inert gas. TiredHose already critiqued it in the thread. I will look it up and leave a link here. I wouldn't expect him to go through all that again. To be short - he was skeptical.

Thanks, @color_me_gone.

Could you practice wearing the bag beforehand to get used to it? Close your eyes when using it for real perhaps?

I did just that, practicing with the bag over my head. It reassured me I wouldn't feel claustrophobic. And it allowed me to run "drills," with getting the bag ready, hyperventilating, exhaling, and then pulling the bag into place. It made the process second nature.

When wearing the bag just filled with air, it fogs up a bit after a few minutes. That bugged me. However, when the gas is flowing, it doesn't fog up much at all. Also, when the gas is flowing, the 15Lpm holds the bag inflated and it isn't close around your face at all; you're in the middle of a bubble. I didn't ever feel the need to close my eyes.

Side note: you can't wear glasses in the bag, just because it makes the bag more difficult to pull down into place without trapping a lot of air in the bag in the process. I wear glasses, so this made me uneasy, not being able to see well. Oh well. I assured myself it wouldn't matter for very long.

When I failed, it wasn't because the bag was discomfiting. It's because survival instinct is a hell of a lot stronger than I reckoned on.

 

[TheCrow]

Thanks, @color_me_gone.

I did just that, practicing with the bag over my head. It reassured me I wouldn't feel claustrophobic. And it allowed me to run "drills," with getting the bag ready, hyperventilating, exhaling, and then pulling the bag into place. It made the process second nature.

When wearing the bag just filled with air, it fogs up a bit after a few minutes. That bugged me. However, when the gas is flowing, it doesn't fog up much at all. Also, when the gas is flowing, the 15Lpm holds the bag inflated and it isn't close around your face at all; you're in the middle of a bubble. I didn't ever feel the need to close my eyes.

Side note: you can't wear glasses in the bag, just because it makes the bag more difficult to pull down into place without trapping a lot of air in the bag in the process. I wear glasses, so this made me uneasy, not being able to see well. Oh well. I assured myself it wouldn't matter for very long.

When I failed, it wasn't because the bag was discomfiting. It's because survival instinct is a hell of a lot stronger than I reckoned on.

Thank you. Your experience with this is invaluable.

 

[Muri]

I'm riding the waves for now but they'll eventually crash. When they will crash is unknown but inevitable.

 

[wanttodie]

Unsure/playing it by ear

 

[Salvacion]

In 12 hours time as after that my life will start to fall apart as the consequences of some stupid decisions I made finally catch up with me

Me too

 

[3927]

I'm riding the waves for now but they'll eventually crash. When they will crash is unknown but inevitable.

Beautifully said.

 

[MISERYinlife]

I'm going to call a mental ward right now and tell them my Xanax no longer works i have constant panic attacks along with chronic back pain so going to ask what they would do to fix it or if they can without putting me through more hell than i am already in,if they don't give me the assurance or answers i'm looking for then I'm done living or should i say existing because i sure ain't living no kind of life right now,I know i'm going to cause a lot of pain for my family but i just can't continue like this so if they can't help then i will be dead by the end of this week tired of prolonging the suffering....

 

[color_me_gone]

if they can't help

Do they know the hell you are going through?
If not, you definitely need to tell them in no uncertain terms.
Then it will be clear to you whether they are willing to help, or not.
We know your hell, and we sympathize. Hope you find your peace.

 

[guildford91rs]

I've been given a reprieve of sorts until Sunday, so now planning on having one last amazing time with my boyfriend, then ctbing on Sunday.

 

[DyingToCTB]

Hopefully just the time to get N and anti-emetics. I want to go yesterday.

 

[color_me_gone]

one last amazing time with my boyfriend

That's sweet.

ctbing on Sunday

Hope all goes well, and you find your peace.

 

[guildford91rs]

That's sweet.

Hope all goes well, and you find your peace.

Thanks :) my main regret is knowing how much I'll be hurting him, but I don't have a choice anymore

 

[color_me_gone]

just the time to get N and anti-emetics

Hope they come your way without trouble, that all goes well, and you find the peace you need. Hugs

 

[Eren]

I had thought about long-term CTB (July) but I'm not sure, I feel very guilty for my mother, I do not get it out of my head, I feel in jail because I do not want to live but I do not want to bother my mother's life either.

 

[LongSeason]

Unless I take an impulsive decision and CTB, I shouldn't do it any sooner than 2021 but you never know what's going to happen.

 

[color_me_gone]

my main regret is knowing how much I'll be hurting him

Believe me I know. I have a wife of 33 years, so I know!

 

[Gainax]

i dont like to set dates cuz it puts a lot of pressure on myself but..the date is close...less than a week perhaps, if i dont stall again