ladolcemorte
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 286
So here's my situation: I have been off work, staying with my parents in a town about a 9 hour drive/1.5 hour flight away from the city where I work (the "working city"). Meanwhile, I have continued to pay for my apartment in the working city. I have been hemorrhaging money in rent and the lease is up for renewal, so I made the humiliating, albeit financially prudent, choice to give up the apartment and stay at my parents' house.
I had decided to fly out this Friday, and ostensibly go to the apartment for two and a half weeks to get my things packed up. My plan was to spend a week packing and cleaning and then kill myself over the labour day weekend, thus leaving a whole week and a half before anyone thinks to look for me.
THEN, my parents insist on driving to come pick me up and bring all of my stuff back. My mom is taking three days off from work to do this, and paying for a hotel, which is an incredibly lovely thing to do...but it throws a wrench in my plans, because I don't want them to arrive after all that driving and find I'm dead. (My mother even asked me if I was planning to kill myself and I said no but she didn't believe me and she said if they find me dead she will "kill me again"...which of course is impossible as far as I am aware, but you get the point.)
I had said to myself that I was through staying alive for other people. Also, this was the perfect opportunity because, in light of covid, it is extremely difficult to buy the privacy necessary to kill myself at my parents' house.
I suppose I could go back on my decision and renew the lease after all and then just go back there to die...but my mother (who gets very excited about things) has already booked the hotel and is excited about the trip. I suppose I can stick to the original plan, but it does seem a little bit mean to have them arrive and find me dead...I had planned this out so perfectly in my head and now the timing just doesn't feel right.
But maybe if I am really committed I won't care about timing? Sigh.
I had decided to fly out this Friday, and ostensibly go to the apartment for two and a half weeks to get my things packed up. My plan was to spend a week packing and cleaning and then kill myself over the labour day weekend, thus leaving a whole week and a half before anyone thinks to look for me.
THEN, my parents insist on driving to come pick me up and bring all of my stuff back. My mom is taking three days off from work to do this, and paying for a hotel, which is an incredibly lovely thing to do...but it throws a wrench in my plans, because I don't want them to arrive after all that driving and find I'm dead. (My mother even asked me if I was planning to kill myself and I said no but she didn't believe me and she said if they find me dead she will "kill me again"...which of course is impossible as far as I am aware, but you get the point.)
I had said to myself that I was through staying alive for other people. Also, this was the perfect opportunity because, in light of covid, it is extremely difficult to buy the privacy necessary to kill myself at my parents' house.
I suppose I could go back on my decision and renew the lease after all and then just go back there to die...but my mother (who gets very excited about things) has already booked the hotel and is excited about the trip. I suppose I can stick to the original plan, but it does seem a little bit mean to have them arrive and find me dead...I had planned this out so perfectly in my head and now the timing just doesn't feel right.
But maybe if I am really committed I won't care about timing? Sigh.
