ctb plans for a later future?? (personal thread)

[coresheart]

my bad for posting sm ive got nothing better to do.

but id like to have a thread dedicated to my plans so i can edit it or look over it when the time gets even closer.
ive been off the ds pension for about 2 months as you have to pay a certain sum of money first, and then you receive your pension to pay back in a later date, and i had absolutely no money at the time.
ive got a total of $1500 dollars that i need to pay back to numerous people, which may not seem like a lot but is an insane amount of money for me to cough up.
the ds pension gives you 103 dollars a week, which means in about 2 months i could possibly be able to pay everyone. unfortunately i do not think i can last another 2 months living like this, im certainly considering to fuck it and die with that regret but ill see how it goes.
my side plan was to sell as many valuables i own but i used that trick earlier last year and now the only valuables i have are my laptop and phone, which my laptop doesnt work, and my phone is an iphone 8.. (lmao.) as soon as i figure out how to get that money, itll morphe into stage two of my peace. i couldnt give less of a fuck about the money i owe the government.

then for my plan of actually ctb, honestly im at lack of ideas of what to do.
as you can tell, i absolutely do not have the money for sn, which seemed like the most peaceful option but oh well.
ill either jump off the kings cross bridge, the quieter area of the district,
or, ill take my dads car and drive to the qld border, theres this place without reception thats completely deserted that me and a friend would smoke at when i lived in the state, and try a mix of fluoextine and lithium, apearntly drinking after enhances the chance of death so theres that.
i know for a fact that neither of my parents would care enough to send someone out to look for me, so id be alone. if the overdose doesnt work, ill drive myself into the river while im under and hope for the best.
i think ive lost hope for even a peaceful ending, any ending will make do for me.

another sidenote.. MY FRIEND TOLD ME TO WATCH SKINS. I FUCKING HATE CASSIE SHES SO ANNYOIGNGGNJGJGHGJHGJHGJGHJ

 

[nasigoreng99]

I'm sorry you have to suffer like this
Hope you found your peace soon, my friend

 

[coresheart]

I'm sorry you have to suffer like this
Hope you found your peace soon, my friend

thank u, hope ur doing well !!

my bad for posting sm ive got nothing better to do.

but id like to have a thread dedicated to my plans so i can edit it or look over it when the time gets even closer.
ive been off the ds pension for about 2 months as you have to pay a certain sum of money first, and then you receive your pension to pay back in a later date, and i had absolutely no money at the time.
ive got a total of $1500 dollars that i need to pay back to numerous people, which may not seem like a lot but is an insane amount of money for me to cough up.
the ds pension gives you 103 dollars a week, which means in about 2 months i could possibly be able to pay everyone. unfortunately i do not think i can last another 2 months living like this, im certainly considering to fuck it and die with that regret but ill see how it goes.
my side plan was to sell as many valuables i own but i used that trick earlier last year and now the only valuables i have are my laptop and phone, which my laptop doesnt work, and my phone is an iphone 8.. (lmao.) as soon as i figure out how to get that money, itll morphe into stage two of my peace. i couldnt give less of a fuck about the money i owe the government.

then for my plan of actually ctb, honestly im at lack of ideas of what to do.
as you can tell, i absolutely do not have the money for sn, which seemed like the most peaceful option but oh well.
ill either jump off the kings cross bridge, the quieter area of the district,
or, ill take my dads car and drive to the qld border, theres this place without reception thats completely deserted that me and a friend would smoke at when i lived in the state, and try a mix of fluoextine and lithium, apearntly drinking after enhances the chance of death so theres that.
i know for a fact that neither of my parents would care enough to send someone out to look for me, so id be alone. if the overdose doesnt work, ill drive myself into the river while im under and hope for the best.
i think ive lost hope for even a peaceful ending, any ending will make do for me.

another sidenote.. MY FRIEND TOLD ME TO WATCH SKINS. I FUCKING HATE CASSIE SHES SO ANNYOIGNGGNJGJGHGJHGJHGJGHJ

L so things have CHANGED. (again this is more of a personal write up, im bored and i wanna access the chats again so might as well.)
things are.. for so say slightly better than they were.
i was homeless at one point (again) BUT recently made a friend whos letting me stay for a decent cost.
at that decent cost,,, i havvvve gotten a job again. i only go twice a week, im too anxious for anything more than that but its a fatass step up so yipieeiieieie.
im also slowly starting to pay ppl back.. which is wonderful, if i continue at this pace i should be able to ctb in some what peace in about a month or two.
that being said, i obviously do not trust the "nicer" parts of this month to stick along. the shitter parts are slightly too private to mention but its definetly there as a constant reminder that i wanna fucking die LMAO.
but ultimately, its nice to breath a little, ironic that im writing this in THIS particular thread but oh well. things are going according to plan for once and im just ppppprrraying it stays that way.
woohooooo !!!!!!!