Discussion Plan on Ctb tomorrow night

[William Barker]

I was thinking of a book that you might escape with, both entertaining with an inspirational background, whose sense of humour is glorious and offbeat :
A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole

It depicts the adventure of an anti-hero who is fighting his way through the decadent society he lives in, to the best he can, in very personal reactionary ways. It evolves into a grotesque atmosphere with elements of realism one can identify to, especially if already feeling like a misfit, with some consciousness of the pitfalls of our societies.

Years before, this book was a trigger that literally got me out of depression ! Masterpiece.

The author suicided at 31yo w/ CO in car, persuaded he had his career futur as a writer wasted, doubting his skills immensely. A long time after his death, fame knocked at his graveyard door, he was retrospectively awarded the Pullitzer price for Fiction...
The moral of the tragedy is that you may run away unaware of your talent if you don't pursue your trajectory. Food for thought. Or keep it a secret we told you so.

John Kennedy Toole - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I wish I could just escape in general. But I barely have anything, thanks to my "wife". I want to run away now more than ever, but if I did, it'd have to be with just the shirt on my back.

For our last anniversary, my wife had gotten me William Blake's The Marriage of Heaven if Hell.

Almost prophetic when you think about it.

"I curse my stars in bitter grief and woe, That made my love so high and me so low."
True though, I may very well enjoy that book, if I only didn't have so many others collecting dusk in my basement...

Everyday is a great struggle not to drink my SN. It's comforting in it's promises to end my misery and isolation.

My own father told me that he had hoped that my doomed marriage was a great lesson to me, and to just get over it.

He told me his heart aches were so much worse than mine, so he felt no sympathy for me whatsoever.

If I gotten into the medical field like he had wanted me to, all of my problems wouldn't exist and I'd be living a good life...

 

[enjolras]

But it wouldn't be yours and the outcome wouldn't have been guaranteed. I did precisely this mistake. I let myself guided by my parents who were workers in the aviation field. I accepted the temptation without resistance of a shiny career promise, wealthy and adventurous, airline pilot. It was within my abilities but it ended a disaster, it was not the right fit for me, at all. I had no vocation for it and it was against my personality. Unlike you, I had not realised about what I was striving for. Then I lost myself, unable to find my way back on track. Only much too late now, I have regrets. I should have become a vet or a biologist researcher. I had the perfect grades to achieve this, but I did not impose myself and above all, not listened enough to my motives

Your father's unsupportive words make no sense. They are not grounded. It takes to be two for a relationship. The failure is shared and there is a lot about misfortune. It is not particularly representative about a lesson learned. Ironically, I think I lived the same thing than you did, but I won't expand on it.
I believe your principles, idealism, are probably righteous. But your surroundings are turning your head upside down, making you doubt your values and potential. Yeah, maybe it's the perfect time to go sailing after all, venture in the fresh air ? Some travel without money and it's the best eye-opening time of their life

To have lost everything is scary, I admit it. But you are not worthless for starting over, nor your ex-wife defines who you are. You still have pen & paper, dick & knife, good look, step son, appreciation for literature, lastly that McDonald on the table is enough to carry on. The most treasurable things are still there around you. I fear that if you don't divert your attention away from the mess you're in, you won't be able to add new pieces to the puzzle.

 

[William Barker]

But it wouldn't be yours and the outcome wouldn't have been guaranteed. I did precisely this mistake. I let myself guided by my parents who were workers in the aviation field. I accepted the temptation without resistance of a shiny career promise, wealthy and adventurous, airline pilot. It was within my abilities but it ended a disaster, it was not the right fit for me, at all. I had no vocation for it and it was against my personality. Unlike you, I had not realised about what I was striving for. Then I lost myself, unable to find my way back on track. Only much too late now, I have regrets. I should have become a vet or a biologist researcher. I had the perfect grades to achieve this, but I did not impose myself and above all, not listened enough to my motives

Your father unsupportive words make no sense. They are not grounded. It takes to be two for a relationship. The failure is shared and there is a lot about misfortune. It is not particularly representative about a lesson learned. Ironically, I think I lived the same thing than you did, but I won't expand on it.
I believe your principles, idealism, are probably righteous. But your surroundings are turning your head upside down, making you doubt your values and potential. Yeah, maybe it's the perfect time to go sailing after all, venture in the fresh air ? Some travel without money and it's the best eye-opening time of their life

To have lost everything is scary, I admit it. But you are not worthless for starting over, nor your ex-wife defines who you are. You still have pen & paper, dick & knife, good look, step son, appreciation for literature, lastly that McDonald on the table is enough to carry on. The most treasurable things are still there around you. I fear that if you don't divert your attention away from the mess you're in, you won't be able to add new pieces to your puzzle. Cheers

Question is: How does one travel with only $35? And every hotel closed down?

Every day trapped in this miserable place only further spins my confusion and guides my hand closer to death.

 

[bpdandme]

The medical profession has a very high rate of suicide - I know it's easy to think of the what ifs but the grass isn't always greener! It's never too late to start school up again? Do you have any friends you could lock down with instead of being with your wife? Can you take a loan from family or friends so you can start up again or get away somewhere?

Hope you're feeling better soon, I'm also locked down with people I don't get along with and it's very toxic. Sending love!

 

[William Barker]

Not a friend in the world. And my family could not possibly care any less about me.

 

[William Barker]

 

[bpdandme]

You all good?

 

[William Barker]

My father tells me he's feeling weak, and he has an appointment to be examined tomorrow. It's about his heart.

Usually takes a little bit to get an appointment, but they made one for him the very next day.

If anything happens to him, I'll truly be all alone. There is no one else left.

Seems that fate is playing me.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey handsome! Haven't been on here in a few wks but just wanna love on u♡♡♡

Sending prayers for ur dear dad n for his speedy recovery...♡

 

[William Barker]

Love away. I could some use some.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Love away. I could some use some.

 

[William Barker]

That other story I was working on, Desiring an Exit from Darksome Dreams, before my life starting falling apart.

 

[bpdandme]

How did your fathers appointment go? Hope all is well!

 

[William Barker]

How did your fathers appointment go? Hope all is well!

Not sure. He only left a bit ago. I can only hope everything will fine with him.

 

[William Barker]

Update on my father: apparently, his pacemaker needs his battery replaced, so he'll have to get a minor operation and be in the hospital for a few days. This means I'll have to take off work and be left to care for my mother, who has dementia, on my own.

Life sure has a way of piling it on...

 

[William Barker]

Update: I was able to get my savings back, so now I'm free to run away to wherever.

Just for kicks, anyone have any suggestions?

I currently live in Maryland, btw.

 

[Donk]

Update: I was able to get my savings back, so now I'm free to run away to wherever.

Just for kicks, anyone have any suggestions?

I currently live in Maryland, btw.

what about your parents? someone going to take care of them?

 

[William Barker]

what about your parents? someone going to take care of them?

I'm on the verge of madness and suicide. I have to escape all this before I snap and drink the SN.

It's all too much to bare.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Update: I was able to get my savings back, so now I'm free to run away to wherever.

Just for kicks, anyone have any suggestions?

I currently live in Maryland, btw.

Oh great! Don't come to NY! Lol

 

[William Barker]

Oh great! Don't come to NY! Lol

Won't do.

 

[InTheAirTonight]

NYC is pretty good option if you wanna CTB though

 

[William Barker]

Well, the option is on the table.

 

[Lostandfound7]

NYC is pretty good option if you wanna CTB though

This is def true..A trip to Walmart is all u need for a successful CTB...

Or a subway ride..

Well, the option is on the table.

Too painful...I saw (via FaceTime and video) my sister in law's mom suffer for a week n half until she finally succumbed to it on last mon...my cousin also passed away Tues night..

My husband works in the hospital n can tell u the covid patients SUFFER..no bueno..

AND a friend of mine recovered from covid n was just released from the hospital, told me last night that he "wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy".

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Update: I was able to get my savings back, so now I'm free to run away to wherever.

Just for kicks, anyone have any suggestions?

I currently live in Maryland, btw.

To bad you're not in Europe, im planning to run as soon as the borders open again

 

[William Barker]

God, what I wouldn't give to be in Europe instead.

 

[Lostandfound7]

God, what I wouldn't give to be in Europe instead.

Ditto...

 

[Myforevercharlie]

God, what I wouldn't give to be in Europe instead.

Stupid virus...

 

[William Barker]

Still, I think I have options here.

 

[Painpleasure]

Mate your handwriting is unbelievably large for an adult. However old are you?

 

[William Barker]

Mate your handwriting is unbelievably large for an adult. However old are you?

Ouch.