thankyouforthis
Member
- Jun 13, 2022
- 83
Have you ever been in a situation over which you have very little control? Then, you do EVERYTHING in your power to impact it but still, you have NO CHOICE but to wait until SOMEONE ELSE does something?
...And then that person refuses? Or makes up reasons to delay over and over? Let's say the problem is time-sensitive. So there's a ticking clock involved. Tick tick tick. I am on pins and needles. The hour draws nearer, and I am increasingly filled with dread, knots in my stomach, biting and slapping myself, all because this one person won't do this one thing and I personally can't do more than I already have and whether or not this person chooses to do the thing will have a TREMENDOUS impact on my future.
I know you've been there. At least once.
I am not good at leaving my fate up to other people. I am a responsible, Type-A person. When something is important to me, I manage it myself. Only now, in this particular scenario, that simply isn't possible. I'm in this with someone else, and THAT person has to do xyz to make everything okay. I cannot do it for them. I cannot force them to do it.
I have been holding my breath for days and wishing more than I have in a really long time that I had the courage to ctb so that whether or not this happens wouldn't matter because I'd be dead anyway. I just can't handle not knowing what's going to happen and not being able to do anything more to facilitate things leaves me with nothing left to do but sit here and agonize and pray that Person X takes Action Y so that this can all go away.
What really hurts, too, is that Person X is close to me, knows about my medical and psychological conditions, etc. HE KNOWS how much anxiety this is causing me (though I don't think he realizes the threat of self harm that's here; I don't like to openly talk about that sort of thing). So it's hurtful that someone close to you can know that they are causing this distress, that it would all go away if they just xyz-ed, and STILL...Nothing. I don't know. I'm just venting and I guess creating space in case anyone else wants to share a similar story.
The only bright spot I can see on the horizon is that the thing that needs doing needs to be done TODAY. So I know that, by tomorrow, it'll be over, one way or the other. Either everything will work out, or it'll be terrible; but at least, by tomorrow, it'll no longer be a question mark. Question marks are the worst!
...And then that person refuses? Or makes up reasons to delay over and over? Let's say the problem is time-sensitive. So there's a ticking clock involved. Tick tick tick. I am on pins and needles. The hour draws nearer, and I am increasingly filled with dread, knots in my stomach, biting and slapping myself, all because this one person won't do this one thing and I personally can't do more than I already have and whether or not this person chooses to do the thing will have a TREMENDOUS impact on my future.
I know you've been there. At least once.
I am not good at leaving my fate up to other people. I am a responsible, Type-A person. When something is important to me, I manage it myself. Only now, in this particular scenario, that simply isn't possible. I'm in this with someone else, and THAT person has to do xyz to make everything okay. I cannot do it for them. I cannot force them to do it.
I have been holding my breath for days and wishing more than I have in a really long time that I had the courage to ctb so that whether or not this happens wouldn't matter because I'd be dead anyway. I just can't handle not knowing what's going to happen and not being able to do anything more to facilitate things leaves me with nothing left to do but sit here and agonize and pray that Person X takes Action Y so that this can all go away.
What really hurts, too, is that Person X is close to me, knows about my medical and psychological conditions, etc. HE KNOWS how much anxiety this is causing me (though I don't think he realizes the threat of self harm that's here; I don't like to openly talk about that sort of thing). So it's hurtful that someone close to you can know that they are causing this distress, that it would all go away if they just xyz-ed, and STILL...Nothing. I don't know. I'm just venting and I guess creating space in case anyone else wants to share a similar story.
The only bright spot I can see on the horizon is that the thing that needs doing needs to be done TODAY. So I know that, by tomorrow, it'll be over, one way or the other. Either everything will work out, or it'll be terrible; but at least, by tomorrow, it'll no longer be a question mark. Question marks are the worst!
