Picking up the pieces

[openBottomJeans]

As I stated in my last posting, I'm on a cross country trip and the ultimate goal was to ctb. I left my family , friends , and job behind. I stayed with a life long best friend , for 3 days, and then abandoned them the same way I did the others..

Their husband texted me earlier , wishing me a safe journey and that I am always welcome back…… I feel so guilty because this man - I can't say he hates me - but he doesn't particularly like me. But he saw how much I meant to his wife , and that really has gotten me conflicted.

I texted my best friend , apologizing for my actions and spoke about how I really felt. How overwhelmed and scared I've become. I asked if we could try again and if I could come back . I wouldn't be surprised if she said no - because for me to dart out first thing in the AM would hurt anyone .. but I think it's better to know , than to live with the "what if" ..
She shut her phone off, so I'm not sure when she'll see my text message honestly.

I can't say I don't want to ctb anymore , because it's still in the back of my mind , always , but I'm willing to give things one last chance .. at least for her sake.

 

[Redacted24]

What you're doing takes courage.
Opening yourself to someone about what's going on, opens yourself...and shows that you trust your friend implicitly.

I admire your courage. And your caring instinct.
Both of those are admirable traits.

I hope that, one way or the other, you are able to find what you're looking for. And that it turns out in a positive way for you.
You deserve some good in your life.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
We're all on this road with you in spirit.
R

 

[The_Hunter]

Yes. Go for that last chance. Might as well. It's worth a shot. Why not? You only live once—so no reason not to ;). Hope it goes well.

You can keep us updated on how it goes as well, if you'd like.

It seems like you're really curious about this possibility; so you should give yourself that chance and allow yourself to explore it. You wish to explore it, so grant yourself that wish; and try this shot for yourself.

Soon, she will see it; and she'll most likely respond to it as well.

Go ahead, see how it goes.

We're all rooting for you.