Discussion People who have "opened up" and told someone in their life about your plans to CTB, how did that go?

[RdMrk]

Is it worth it to tell someone before hand? I'm curious how letting someone in goes for people.

 

[mistake22]

It wasn't really my choice. My grandmother found my suicide notes.

It's all my fault I get it but it woulda been nice if none of that ever happened.

Fast forward a bit and I actually attempted by hanging. SI was too strong and next day my grandmother found my rope which was hidden pretty damn well. (She just happened to look inside the mini fridge).

Man did I get a yelling. It was awful she was hysteric and called the cops. I got sanctioned for the last time and lied to them about being okay. That's how my teenage years were spent no friends and lots of isolation and regret.

I blame myself for all of that so that's how my cbt journey was for me. Obviously I was crying for help but nobody was interested in my emotionally charged tantrums.

My life's still the same but I'm an adult now. I don't have any friends my job is shit and I have no money or anything.

I wish I hung for real that night and got over my fear. I would have died with dignity and peace..

 

[SilentSadness]

I have told a few people about my intentions, none of them really paid much attention.

 

[Mr. Incapable]

In my opinion, if you tell someone your plan or intention to die, then you're basically asking to be saved. It's a horrible burden to put on someone and expect them to do nothing and for them to just let you die whilst they're aware of your plan - while you may think it's fair that you have the choice to die, it should be a personal and private decision, and shouldn't involve anyone else. I'm not well versed in the law, but isn't it manslaughter or some degree of it when someone's aware of a death that's going to happen but does nothing to prevent it? I don't know.. either way, not really something you should do, unless you want them to save you

 

[ThisIsLife]

I haven't and won't tell anyone or let them suspect anything. 99,99% of people consider it good to prevent someone from suicide. That's how people's brains are (for the most) wired.

If, because of a member of family or friend (or else) you fail, who is going to endure the suffering attached to it for the rest of your life ?

You and only you.

Hell is paved with good intentions. It's in the name of good that men harm each other.

 

[Darkover]

i've opened up about wanting to commit suicide to my parents, my dad said its my choice but my mother is dead set against it nothing came of it

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've only told a couple of friends that I had ideation. Mostly when it was clear that they did too. I've never gone so far as to suggest that I have a plan or might actually do it. Like other people have said- if it's very likely you will CTB, I think that's a big burden to put on someone. I imagine it would feel pretty awful to try to 'save' someone but fail. Plus, I imagine they would just be worrying until the time came.

Still- I guess everyone's different. With some people- maybe it would reduce the shock if they knew beforehand. Plus- I think if 'recovery' is a possibility- it's probably good to let people know just how bad things are maybe.

Sometimes, it's so tempting to tell someone but then, personally, I think it's too unfair and too risky.

 

[beyondgone]

My partner knows how I feel and is very accepting, it would obviously destroy her but she knows it's what I truly want and would finally be at peace

 

[deltap]

I avoid telling people if I can help it. To me, it amounts to mental torture for friends/family. They've no recourse and feel helpless. In my experience it just upsets them, which they then express in various ways that exuberate my suicidality (usually anger, frustration, general upset).
My family are angry, frustrated, and feel helpless. My partner states they'd be upset but they understand, but reality is, it makes them panic. Scared. They all are really. I know it would destroy them, and as sadistic as it sounds, I can't help but feel apathetic due to the combination of psychological and physical pain I've endured and still do daily. My general practitioner and psychiatric teams I've engaged in over the years have said they'd be sad to see me go, that they've nothing to offer me. Nothing more, nothing less.
That's why I'm here really, because the alternative is bottling it all up and internalizing it further.

 

[Unending]

Surprisingly, over the years as I've become increasingly depressed and hopeless in my situation, there have been a few people who empathize with me and can ditch the mainstream narrative in place of understanding that not all situations are the same.

I've never discussed a plan with any one per se, but have discussed the fact that there is a very high likelyhood that I will be opting out early if things don't change and am dead serious that there may be a plan in the future.

 

[AngryDog]

For most of my life, I lived repressing childhood trauma (the dead of two relatives, in my case) and denied the pain. I never wanted to tell anyone about my suicide ideation or my plans and methods I had prepared to carry it through. My thought was that my family and friends would be somewhat "infected" by my negativity and it would spread like a virus. Then nobody would treat me the way they treated me before because I would be such a toxic weak pathetic person. It was a logical decision to die before someone notices it. I had bought a rope and had prepared the perfect spot to hang myself. I was a bad day away of actually doing it.

However, my depression became unbearable at times, becoming more and more persistent and people started to notice my instability so I said fuck it, and I decided to go to a psychiatrist as a last cry for help. Told her everything. The pain, the suicide plans, the low self steem. She listened and prescribed me antidepressants, which ended up doing absolutely nothing, but what it actually helped a lot was the fact that she listened to all my problems and tried to make me realize how distorted my "logical" point of view actually was. All of this without any toxic positivity. I ended up learning a lot of how the brain works and how we usually cope with childhood trauma.

So I still struggle, I still live in pain, and there are days in which I feel hopeless and can't get out of bed at all. However, it helped to tell someone and read about what causes that behaviour. My depression is severe, but luckily I managed to control the suicidal ideation. Even when there are times that I really want to kill myself, a tiny part of me still wants to live.

My family and friends still know nothing though.

 

[blue_muse]

Last time I opened up to my upbringer "It sounds like you want to be seen as a Martyr. You're doing it for them (neighbourhood).".

 

[Fwompje]

I told a friend, she threatened to tell my parents if I didn't tell them (I was 18+). We're not friends anymore and I'm still alive. Not worth it.

 

[Forest Fire]

I've told four people in total. Two of them i regret doing so. One cut off contact with me pretty much straight away and the other one gave the impression that i was saying it to be dramatic and didn't seem to take me seriously.
I ended up having long conversations with the other two, neither of which have ever had a reason to think of suicide. Once i'd told them all the reasons they actually said they could understand why i wanted to but just to make sure that i don't do it on impulse and that they would miss me if/when the time comes that i decide to ctb.

 

[MoonlitNight]

I've told four people in total. Two of them i regret doing so. One cut off contact with me pretty much straight away and the other one gave the impression that i was saying it to be dramatic and didn't seem to take me seriously.
I ended up having long conversations with the other two, neither of which have ever had a reason to think of suicide. Once i'd told them all the reasons they actually said they could understand why i wanted to but just to make sure that i don't do it on impulse and that they would miss me if/when the time comes that i decide to ctb.

why do you regret telling the latter? if you're not looking for a path to recovery then I suggest staying away for the sake of their mental well being as well as your own. I would have cut off contact too, as nothing I say will change your mind, I'd rather not deal with the guilt.

do tell me if I have any flaws on my insight, could help me see from a new angle.

 

[Forest Fire]

why do you regret telling the latter? if you're not looking for a path to recovery then I suggest staying away for the sake of their mental well being as well as your own. I would have cut off contact too, as nothing I say will change your mind, I'd rather not deal with the guilt.

do tell me if I have any flaws on my insight, could help me see from a new angle.

This was about 6 years ago and it's not something i would do now. I regretted it at the time as they were people i was close too and i suppose part of me wanted them to help me through it as i still saw recovery as an option back then. I've not had many people in my life i've had genuine relationships/friendships with and this was me fucking a couple of them up.
My plans are more concrete now and as i said i won't be saying anything about this to anyone again and i think it would be selfish of me to put someone in that position when there is nothing they can do. I agree with what you said

 

[MoonlitNight]

This was about 6 years ago and it's not something i would do now. I regretted it at the time as they were people i was close too and i suppose part of me wanted them to help me through it as i still saw recovery as an option back then. I've not had many people in my life i've had genuine relationships/friendships with and this was me fucking a couple of them up.
My plans are more concrete now and as i said i won't be saying anything about this to anyone again and i think it would be selfish of me to put someone in that position when there is nothing they can do. I agree with what you said

I'm so sorry you weren't met with the support you were hoping for. I hope you find harmony with yourself whatever path you choose. should there be the slightest possibility and you have a little hope left. I'd love to have a chat. best of luck.

 

[Forest Fire]

I'm so sorry you weren't met with the support you were hoping for. I hope you find harmony with yourself whatever path you choose. should there be the slightest possibility and you have a little hope left. I'd love to have a chat. best of luck.

I may take you up on that offer but i have to be up for work in a few hours. Thankyou for the nice words and the same back to you

 

[stermc]

Basically everyone in my life knows I want to ctb. When it comes to real plans, I told my parents some months ago due to the fear of them feeling guilty or something like that. They wanted me to try to "overcome" the situation one last time, with all the support I could get, and that's probably why I am still here.
I don't know if I regret telling them, because of the power they have over me (emotionally speaking). Now I am the one feeling guilty because I am not doing well again.
In the end of the day, I don't think it was such a good idea because they will never "agree" with my decision. They are understanding and loving, and I am grateful for that, but it's, after all, a decision I must make by myself and completely alone.

 

[sick.faery]

the only person ive ever told irl that i sort of wanted to kms told my parents and i was locked up in a psych ward that same day lol
learned my lesson

 

[Salvation_]

I've never told anyone. I always feel like they'd be looking over my shoulder if I did, and it's not like I've ever seriously attempted past impulse fasting.

 

[didn't-it-rain]

I not-infrequently talk to my therapist about my ideations and fantasizing. Once I mentioned that, a week prior, I had briefly formulated a plan and intended to carry out the next day, but changed my mind that next day, and so I agreed to briefly check-in with them daily for a few days. I would never actually tell family or friends (though to be fair I don't really have friends to begin with); I would hate to see their reaction, I imagine it would be devastating and my already-existent trepidation would become all the more visceral. (To be fair I'm sure it would be less devastating than if I actually carried out any plans.)