My parents brought me up in a way that there was no room for emotion. To feel is to be weak and weakness is the downfall of all. I'm 19 years old (F) and due to my environment (and genetic make-up) I am unable to care. Although i can acknowledge that others care for me i can not care for them. I don't have any friends or strong relationships with any family members. I am all alone. My past mental health issues were received in a terrible fashion by my family. I was made to feel like a plague. Contagious. My uncle wouldn't let his kids in the same room as me. In addition, I do not have a passion. With no bonds, an outlet and a nihilist view on life i am left with nothing.
However, given i was encouraged not to express emotion i became very aware of other's emotions. Some say i'm empathetic although i highly disagree. i do not feel for them, in truth, i look down upon them because i am able to portray myself as invincible while they succumb to weakness.
Even though most of my family is aware of my poor mental health i've constantly downplayed it to the point of normalizing it. It takes a toll on me to pretend i'm doing well but the truth is that the stress that would be put on me if they knew is much greater than attempting to deal with it on my own (with my shrink).
