kaywontbehere
angel
- Jan 13, 2024
- 4
sometimes i think i'm more akin to a dog than human. i was thinking about my ex, i desperately miss them.
i'm a pathetic low life when i'm alone; someone who doesn't bother to eat, someone who rots in bed, etc etc.
he got me out of that cycle for the short period we knew eachother, whenever i ate he would praise me, whenever i did my work he'd buy me games as a reward.
i know what he was doing was manipulation but god i so desperately need that manipulation back. i remember how pathetic i was when i begged him to manipulate me further so i wouldn't want to leave him. it didn't work, obviously, as i broke up with him after he was cruel. i couldn't tolerate his abuse anymore as it outweighed the positives of our relationship.
despite that i miss him so desperately, i've fallen back into my depressive cycle since i'm alone again and it's scary. realising how dependent i am on being praised to function and get out of bed is humbling. does anyone else understand?
i was treated so badly yet i miss it to the point it's painful. i cant help but feel like my only purpose is to be used since when i'm not doing things for others all i do is rot and decay in my bed.
id be lying if i said i didnt wish to be manipulated again. someone to please is why i even bother eating, let alone getting out of bed.
i'm a pathetic low life when i'm alone; someone who doesn't bother to eat, someone who rots in bed, etc etc.
he got me out of that cycle for the short period we knew eachother, whenever i ate he would praise me, whenever i did my work he'd buy me games as a reward.
i know what he was doing was manipulation but god i so desperately need that manipulation back. i remember how pathetic i was when i begged him to manipulate me further so i wouldn't want to leave him. it didn't work, obviously, as i broke up with him after he was cruel. i couldn't tolerate his abuse anymore as it outweighed the positives of our relationship.
despite that i miss him so desperately, i've fallen back into my depressive cycle since i'm alone again and it's scary. realising how dependent i am on being praised to function and get out of bed is humbling. does anyone else understand?
i was treated so badly yet i miss it to the point it's painful. i cant help but feel like my only purpose is to be used since when i'm not doing things for others all i do is rot and decay in my bed.
id be lying if i said i didnt wish to be manipulated again. someone to please is why i even bother eating, let alone getting out of bed.
