dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
If I had enough money never to work again and just live a really basic life just watching DVDs and reading I would live out a natural life and be happy. It's the hell of minimum wage work misery, workplace bullying, being broke and not able to afford even the basics and not having a place of my own or any security or much hope of retirement in the very distant future that's driving me towards CTB. I had a period last year until my savings ran out of not having to work and it felt great. Now I'm back in hell.

.... basically its the same story.... when are you going to CTB?
because I dont find any alternative or solution...
 
I

InsidiousCrapulence

King Midas of S***
May 18, 2018
10
Just existing can hurt, even if you're well fed, comfy, and independent. If all my problems were solved, I'd still rather not exist. I don't attribute my desire to be dead to any practical problems. I don't understand how anybody can possibly prefer life over the complete nothingness we all had once before we were conceived. Nothing is better than nothing.
 
  • Like
Reactions: dhk96
LaBrava

LaBrava

Experienced
May 5, 2019
265
.... basically its the same story.... when are you going to CTB?
because I dont find any alternative or solution...

At this point I'm still drifting along waiting to see what I'll do. Spending cuts have eradicated the only line of work I could just about bear and earn enough from. The people driving me crazy at work and in my rental may just drive me to do it soon. I'm thinking about hanging, cheap and quick. I need to tidy up a few things to be ready, which I may start doing, so if I need to go I can do so. I still have a little possibility that I might find some way to pull myself out of this, but really I've got nothing left in the tank and not any real future hope to motivate me. I really just live day to day right now. Thanks for chiming in, it's great to find a place where there are others who understand.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: Marawa and dandan
dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
yup, basically a similar story,
plus my brother is having a baby, and I can imagine he's so happy and crazy
a life is born, but other may go? (me)
 
Oppenheimer

Oppenheimer

Member
Apr 7, 2019
80
If I had enough money never to work again and just live a really basic life just watching DVDs and reading I would live out a natural life and be happy.

This is it. perfect.

I don´t need no mansion, sport car, fancy clothes, nothing like that. If I had enough money to pay the rent, watch my movies, play my games, read my books without working, I would live a long and mostly happy life. Right now I have the money to do all this and more but MY F%#Y#*G WORK sucks so much out of me that I get no time or energy to enjoy what I like. It´s burnout syndrome, I know, but nothing I´ve tried so far helped much (except for Ritalin which at least gives me energy to work >:(
 
ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Mage
Mar 25, 2019
593
It's certainly your life and I can't put myself in your shoes and know how you mentally or physically feel.

I'll just say this...money affords possibilities and freedom. You have more flexibility to change your life or potentially meet someone that you can possibly be happy with.

I screwed up a lot with money and career stuff, I take my share of responsibility but because of something that happened to me when I was young, I literally haven't been sexually attracted to any kind of human being until just recently, and I'm 34 now.

Because I didn't really ever have an end game in mind with a possible wife or child, I just did whatever to at least comfortably support myself thinking that's all I'd ever have to do.

But now since things have changed, I'm 34 with no real career making 47k and have about 1k in savings and no assets, just a rented apartment and a leased car. That's exactly what it sounds like, a death sentence. Every day I wish it wasn't, I still wake up and can see some beauty in the world, it just wasn't a world I was really a part of for most of my life. And now that I feel like I could be, there's about a 99% chance it's too late.

I'm not pro life or anything, I guess I'm just trying to say that you still could have a chance in this life if you explore every possibility. But maybe you have, I certainly don't know.

I guess in the end, people are just different. Maybe there are people that would trade for my situation and start all over at my age to get away from the things they're trapped in right now, while I would gladly have some money to build a decent life with.


I am sorry to hear about all that. It does seem like a lot of baggage to carry around.

Maybe with time and more separation, things could get better? Especially now that you've cut ties. You're just so young and have some things going for you. I'd give anything to go back to your age and have my head on straight.

But I also don't know exactly how those things feel that you described. Certainly wish you the best though, you might have a happy future ahead of you if you stick around!
I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 14. I'm now 25. The pain has only grown worse over the years. I've cut off my parents, but it hasn't stopped the pain. My everyday existence is just filled with memories of the childhood trauma and knowing my life will never be what it could've been without the trauma.
What's the point of money if I live in isolation everyday? Money can't buy meaningful human connections, money can't buy a happy family, money can't erase the memories.
It hurts so much to see happy families, and it hurts so much to see people who actually want to spend time with their families. A few days ago, I saw a mother and her daughter eating ice cream together in front of a Dunkin Donuts. They looked happy. Simple everyday moment, but it just reminded me of what I will never have.
And no, I do not want kids. A couple of well-meaning people suggested that having kids will give me the chance to be the mother I never had. I do not want to bring another human being into this shitty world just to fill up a void in my life. I feel it's selfish, considering the kid ultimately has no say as to whether or not he/she wants to be born. I never would have chosen this life if I could choose; how could I force this onto someone else?
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: OnlyMercy, lululoo, N-IsMyHope and 1 other person

Similar threads

Darkover
Replies
3
Views
134
Offtopic
N7_Alliance_Marine
N7_Alliance_Marine
Dr Iron Arc
Replies
23
Views
636
Recovery
Dr Iron Arc
Dr Iron Arc
DarkRange55
Replies
20
Views
384
Offtopic
noname223
N