Discussion One thing that would stop you from killing yourself

[waterbottleman]

We all need something. But I think the sad reality most the time is we will never get it. That's why CTB is so great. Just dying. Dying is where freedom is.

I'm sick of being sad. I don't want to be sad anymore. I just want to die

Maybe this sounds dumb/crude but if you're sad can't you just go to Pattaya and having a fucking blast there to get cheered up?

I admit I don't know anything about why you're depressed but idk I'm just saying if I lived in Thailand I'd go to Pattaya to cheer myself up. That place seems like so much fun.

 

[Ryan.s]

Maybe this sounds dumb/crude but if you're sad can't you just go to Pattaya and having a fucking blast there to get cheered up?

I admit I don't know anything about why you're depressed but idk I'm just saying if I lived in Thailand I'd go to Pattaya to cheer myself up. That place seems like so much fun.

That's the thing brother. And no offense to you. But that would be fun to you. That would not be fun to me. Doing that is just not me. I'd rather just die. I'm going to try until I get my CTB

 

[BPD Barbie]

Money. That's it.

 

[Ryan.s]

Money. That's it.

I feel you

 

[BipolarExpat]

.
That place seems like so much fun.

The entire country is fun...on or off the tourist trail.
Like a lot of places.

But no matter how good the vibes might be, how many activities there are, people to watch/meet and so on...a place can't fix real depression. At least not in my case.

 

[waterbottleman]

The entire country is fun...on or off the tourist trail.
Like a lot of places.

But no matter how good the vibes might be, how many activities there are, people to watch/meet and so on...a place can't fix real depression. At least not in my case.

Part of me wants to just drop everything in my life, cut off all contacts (including my family), and go live in Thailand. Create an entire new identity for myself and pretty much forget my entire past life to the extent that I could. I just want to disappear and go live in the land of smiles. If I could, I wish the memory of me could be wiped from everyone in America. I hate this place and don't want to exist here even in the imagination of people.

I have enough savings that I could live there for a decade without working, although honestly I'd pick up a teaching job or something (I have my degree in math so I could teach that) to make extra money.

I hate to even say it/write that part of me wants to cut contact off from all my loved ones, I feel terrible for even thinking it but they would never accept the lifestyle I actually want to live unless I was some multimillionaire. I know they'd constantly call me and tell me to come home to start some shit career that I dont even want because "you need to get a good paying career and save for retirement."

I've been working my entire god damn life and I see my youth passing by, I'm so fucking tired of missing out on having a social, dating, and sex life that I've never been given the opportunity to have in America that I could easily have in Thailand. I want to have fun and live in the present moment instead of the constant obsession in the US of always thinking about "your future" and never valuing the present moment.

I just feel so disillusioned by "success" in America. By the time you are "successful" in America you're old and your youth passed you by. Fuck that.

 

[BipolarExpat]

Part of me wants to just drop everything in my life, cut off all contacts (including my family), and go live in Thailand.

I don't really know what your deal is...but it sounds like you should do it. No real reason to cut all contact though. You're an adult. Make your own decisions. Plenty of westerners have made the move, as you know. Just go, get that job and try it out.
Hey, if it'd stop you from offing yourself...all the more reason.

 

[mpnf]

Never ever having derealization and depersonalization no matter would trigger it not having really bad anxiety that doesn't want you to leave the house even if you want to and don't at the same time accompanied by tortuous thoughts.

 

[Jumper Geo]

If you could be given something that would stop you from CTB, would you and what would it be that would stop you from CTB? (All the money in the world, dream partner, etc)

Well it would have to be a magic lamp with a seriously cute genie and 3 wishes of course, lol

 

[Soraa]

If the love of my life loved me again

 

[Sensei]

We can fantasize as much as we want, but if the things which could stop us from doing it were within our reach, then we might not even be here on this forum.

I respectfully disagree. My odds may be bad, but I'm still here, because my situation might improve. I believe the same goes for many members of this forum. Clinging to a low probability doesn't necessarily equal fantasizing.

 

[LittleJem]

The entire country is fun...on or off the tourist trail.
Like a lot of places.

But no matter how good the vibes might be, how many activities there are, people to watch/meet and so on...a place can't fix real depression. At least not in my case.

Exactly. The worst moment of my(very rubbish) year last year was managing to get to Naples with my boyfriend and being so depressed, I could barely get out of bed, and still wanting to die. The contrast between the holiday and the depression was too much. Also, being in Paris and not wanting to see anything (and I love Paris). My mind is a ruin.

 

[Largeletters]

Being able to interact with people. I'm a recluse and have social anxiety.

I was going to say basically the same thing. Glad someone else can relate.

 

[Jumper Geo]

If the love of my life loved me again

I would have gone with the cute genie you could have wished her back, lol

 

[reesespiecesaregood]

Nothing at all unfortunately

 

[Majin K.]

I respectfully disagree. My odds may be bad, but I'm still here, because my situation might improve. I believe the same goes for many members of this forum. Clinging to a low probability doesn't necessarily equal fantasizing.

I have already given up. My last hope was utterly crushed.

 

[lucines]

Getting a cat, friend, or lover would make me give life another chance. Will it be enough to permanently keep me from ending it all though? That I don't know.

 

[Majin K.]

Getting a cat, friend, or lover would make me give life another chance. Will it be enough to permanently keep me from ending it all though? That I don't know.

Getting a cat shouldn't be too hard. As for a friend you could start looking for one here. I think many people here have issues with socializing etc so they understand how you feel.

 

[nsaidsmil]

To share life with people I trust and love. Vital, yet I don't really have it. (for long) Kind of a shame. I want to care about other people the same way too. One thing I've learned and relearned: it doesn't come without more complications. Life will always be a little weird and imperfect. Sometimes it's comforting. Sometimes not. Good people, good friends, can make the world feel a lot different.

 

[hate_myself]

Probably just a normal hug, I barely do any physical contact with other people.
Is why im jealous of people who can allow to be touched by others, not in a morbid kinda way but people who allow themselves to hug or be hugged rather than be scared like I am.

 

[Soraa]

I would have gone with the cute genie you could have wished her back, lol

Tru and maybe some money with that too Lol

 

[IamNOTentertained]

A pet. I suffer from mdd but situational trauma (acquaintance rape) made/has kept me suicidal. The one thing that kept me alive immediately after, even in my darkest moments, was my cat. She was often the only reason I got out of bed every day. She's passed away a few years ago. I plan to have her ashes and photo and little tuft of hair with me when I die.
I cannot have a pet where I live.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Well this is a reoccurring question. A vastly depopulated earth with lots and lots of resources and natural habitats and no need to work anymore. Basically a kind of post apocalyptic garden of Eden scenario but with running water and electricity and so on. Is that really too much to ask for?

 

[Kumachan]

If i could get back in time and treat my exwife right

 

[selfhater]

having a normal body

 

[francisco]

If i could get out of my isolation and have a minimum source of money that allows me to eat correctly and have fun from time to time.

 

[Marchioness]

• My medication starts working properly and I stop being emotionally unstable and having depressive episodes. Probability: unknown.
• I find the love of my life. Probability: very low.
• I become a multi-millionaire and can live an anonymous life in a metropolis. Probability: very close to zero.

These are pretty much my wishes but I have a naively positive outlook on it being possible.

 

[Sensei]

These are pretty much my wishes but I have a naively positive outlook on it being possible.

Well, who says that your assessment isn't more correct than mine? I might as well be overly pessimistic.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Finding the happiness I have been longing for. But I know this is not a reality as I have tried for a decade with failure.

 

[crazy1]

If I could escape to a private island away from people with my dog and cat, I'd just surround myself with animals.