Honeybee
Member
- Feb 14, 2026
- 26
I found out semi-recently that Discord has the option to toggle searching in DMs between "only in the currently selected DM" or "across all DMs", so naturally I've slowly been deleting all of my oldest messages. I've been using the app since I was 13 (obligatory "I am 18+ now") - I want all of the cringey messages and small child angst gone. Erased.
It's been difficult to go through everything, but once they are finally gone, I think I will feel better.
The problem I didn't fully anticipate was that, I'm also seeing all of my interactions with people that have taken advantage of me. I can't help but read through them, and remember what happened, and have everything resurface.
There are so, so many of them. I put myself in so much danger, so many bad situations. I'm so disgusted with how I was treated. I despise myself for how I acted. I encouraged it, played along, said things I deeply regret to them.
It's affecting me so much worse than I thought it would, and I can't talk about it with anyone. It still feels kinda dumb to be this upset over 5+ year old messages.
It's been difficult to go through everything, but once they are finally gone, I think I will feel better.
The problem I didn't fully anticipate was that, I'm also seeing all of my interactions with people that have taken advantage of me. I can't help but read through them, and remember what happened, and have everything resurface.
There are so, so many of them. I put myself in so much danger, so many bad situations. I'm so disgusted with how I was treated. I despise myself for how I acted. I encouraged it, played along, said things I deeply regret to them.
One showed me anime porn (lingerie), told me "I want to see you in this," and my response was something like "I'd wear this in public and no one would know. :)"
Why would I say that??
Why would I say that??
I think the worst find yet has been the man I "dated" at 13-15 (when he was 19-21). The messages between him and I make me so sick.
I was so obviously a child, in everything I did. He even called me his little [sibling] as he pushed the boundaries more and more.
I was so obviously a child, in everything I did. He even called me his little [sibling] as he pushed the boundaries more and more.
It's affecting me so much worse than I thought it would, and I can't talk about it with anyone. It still feels kinda dumb to be this upset over 5+ year old messages.
