Venting Off a bridge

[callofthevoid_]

i don't know if you fantasize about suicide methods like i do. i lost my sense of self a long time ago, i'm very ashamed of the shallow person i've become, but i still find something poetic about jumping off of a bridge, it brings a sense of nostalgia, my family used to tell me the tale of the time i drowned in the sea as a kid, maybe that's why it feels familiar.
I feel like i need a disclaimer every time i speak of my thoughts or feelings, like sorry, i don't usually talk about myself this much im just a little sad, i swear im not a self centered asshole who only cares about herself i just need to vent from time to time, don't take my apologies as me trying to garner sympathy i just want you to know im truly sorry. As i think about it, maybe i do only ever talk about myself, maybe im too much of a self centered asshole that i haven't realized just how much i do it. But with or without my ten page long apology i know you hate me anyways.
The last time i felt this way, sad and chatty, i told a stranger about my suicide method of choice, shallow water blackout, he thought its a bit much. and it circled back to me going on and on about myself. But he told me i'm not an absolutely horrible person, "you're just too sensitive" he said, it shouldn't have been this comforting, but i still feel lighter when i try to believe it to be true. I ghosted him like i always do, i still feel bad about it, that might've changed his mind about me

 

[let.me.let.go87]

My plan is to overdose on seroquel (I have about 7k mg saved up) and jump off the cliff at the local canyon…. I tried jumping off a bridge. I survived. If you jump you better make sure it's high enough. I jumped off the bridge next to LAX in Los Angeles, California. One of the busiest overpasses in the nation and all I got was two broken legs. Overpasses can be tricky asf. And rarely a lethal means of going. Just a fair warning.