Venting Nothing to do

[Marz]

All I do is drink almost every day, fuck off online, clean the house and cook food, feeling like shit. I want to go in a month or so the meantime is so... innocous. But at the same time I descend into a bigger pit of darkness the more I stay alive, the more aware I become of how pathetic and useless I truly am. I hate it and I want to get over life as soon as possible.

 

[Moonicide]

I know how that feels, love... I spend my days doing absolutely nothing besides sitting by my keyboard and typing away until I grow tired. I don't go out, I don't clean, garbage starts stacking up, but luckily I have a loving mother that tries to help due to how severe my mental illness is. I'm impulsive and will order food left and right. My room is a mess. I'm a mess. I still take my medication as instructed, but what an empty life this is. But it won't always be like this, because I won't always be here.

Sending you nothing, but love, support, and peace.
Just know we're here for you.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I've already lived my life but very very fast.
Everything exciting that happened happened in early childhood.
Now I live and feel like a 70 year old woman. Eat, sleep, internet.
It's like being forced to stay in the classroom until the end of a two hour exam when you've already finished yours after 15 minutes.

 

[6ixxy]

All I do is drink almost every day, fuck off online, clean the house and cook food, feeling like shit. I want to go in a month or so the meantime is so... innocous. But at the same time I descend into a bigger pit of darkness the more I stay alive, the more aware I become of how pathetic and useless I truly am. I hate it and I want to get over life as soon as possible.

Is there nothing you enjoy? Pass times or hobbies? I feel your situation very much but I still enjoy things, things that keep me ticking over till my day comes. Whatever it may be you should go for it, make your time here as enjoyable as possible & make the most of it.
It's never too late to develop a new hobby as well, something niche that you may not have expected to like. They say the best moments in life are unexpected.

 

[BipolarExpat]

Is there nothing you enjoy? Pass times or hobbies? I feel your situation very much but I still enjoy things, things that keep me ticking over till my day comes. Whatever it may be you should go for it, make your time here as enjoyable as possible & make the most of it.
It's never too late to develop a new hobby as well, something niche that you may not have expected to like. They say the best moments in life are unexpected.

I envy you, that you still enjoy things. Truly, I do.

The op may be suffering from severe anhedonia & apathy....possibly anxiety/agoraphobia...perhaps exhaustion due to insomnia(?)

If so, I can relate to having MANY, MANY interests in the past but nothing now and just stuck in this apartment. Everything is blah.

Anytime I must go out (shopping, work) a panic attack is sure to precede it.

So,...kinda makes it tough to pursue a hobby...

As an aside, (and just so I can needlessly complain a bit more) I just sifted through every country in the world with regards to easy travel (i.e.: visa on arrival or no visa required)....and there are LOADS.
I could practically go to any region on earth but....nothing. I mean not one country filled me with any thought or feeling beyond disdain and compulsive thoughts of discomfort. I've felt like this before but this time it is an entirely new (low) level.

Anyways and on the other hand...if the Op is able to get out and about with relative ease, I'm with you and would also recommend any activities/hobbies to help make the time pass.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

This is literally me rn wow, I'm off work until Wednesday and hope that the SN will arrive before SN to save myself going back to work.
I've spent almost a whole fucking week already in bed, only getting out of bed to feed my pets and to give them some love, grab some food and something to drink and go back to bed.
I haven't got the energy and will to do the things I enjoy, the only thing I want is ctb. My will to live is gone.

 

[BipolarExpat]

This is literally me rn wow, I'm off work until Wednesday and hope that the SN will arrive before SN to save myself going back to work.
I've spent almost a whole fucking week already in bed, only getting out of bed to feed my pets and to give them some love, grab some food and something to drink and go back to bed.
I haven't got the energy and will to do the things I enjoy, the only thing I want is ctb. My will to live is gone.

Sorry for you :(

I actually wish I could stay in bed. My....(whatever) won't allow it. I'm so plagued with inner discomfort that the bed / bedroom itself becomes an intolerable place to be. *Sigh* no real rest

 

[6ixxy]

I envy you, that you still enjoy things. Truly, I do.

The op may be suffering from severe anhedonia & apathy....possibly anxiety/agoraphobia...perhaps exhaustion due to insomnia(?)

If so, I can relate to having MANY, MANY interests in the past but nothing now and just stuck in this apartment. Everything is blah.

Anytime I must go out (shopping, work) a panic attack is sure to precede it.

So,...kinda makes it tough to pursue a hobby...

As an aside, (and just so I can needlessly complain a bit more) I just sifted through every country in the world with regards to easy travel (i.e.: visa on arrival or no visa required)....and there are LOADS.
I could practically go to any region on earth but....nothing. I mean not one country filled me with any thought or feeling beyond disdain and compulsive thoughts of discomfort. I've felt like this before but this time it is an entirely new (low) level.

Anyways and on the other hand...if the Op is able to get out and about with relative ease, I'm with you and would also recommend any activities/hobbies to help make the time pass.

I apologise if I caused any offence by not being in the know, I didn't even realise that it was a thing. Deeply sorry if it is the case

 

[MeltingHeart]

This is literally me rn wow, I'm off work until Wednesday and hope that the SN will arrive before SN to save myself going back to work.
I've spent almost a whole fucking week already in bed, only getting out of bed to feed my pets and to give them some love, grab some food and something to drink and go back to bed.
I haven't got the energy and will to do the things I enjoy, the only thing I want is ctb. My will to live is gone.

Same here!

 

[NeCkDeEp]

Sorry for you :(

I actually wish I could stay in bed. My....(whatever) won't allow it. I'm so plagued with inner discomfort that the bed / bedroom itself becomes an intolerable place to be. *Sigh* no real rest

No worries, knowing that it will all be over soon is such a good comfort.

I'm sorry to hear that you can't stay in bed, I hope that you'll have a day soon where you'd be able to stay in bed.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I apologise if I caused any offence by not being in the know, I didn't even realise that it was a thing. Deeply sorry if it is the case

Oh, nothing like that..., just throwing out possibilities and venting (about my own predicament) a bit. As I said, if the op's up for anything, your advice is solid. ;)

No worries, knowing that it will all be over soon is such a good comfort.

I'm sorry to hear that you can't stay in bed, I hope that you'll have a day soon where you'd be able to stay in bed.

Thank you. Very nice of you to say.